Mixed Thoughts

Lotsa stuff happened.

Firstly, I had my piano trial exams today. I went there half an hour early thinking that I can have time to chill and relax and prepare whatever crap. And apparently I was wrong, because I was called in early before I could get a grip and take some air. And I freaked out. Reason, I do not have the confidence knowing that I have a wonderful history of flunking my piano exams very frequently, and besides pieces, I sucked in every other part, the worst in aural tests and sight reading. And I hated scales, so I did not really bothered about practicing, and only managed to practice a little this morning. My teacher always complained about me not putting in emotions when I perform, huiting, put in feelings, feelings!!(Darn, it sounds orgasmic). I am emotionless lar, honestly, I am not that passionate like other music players. I do enjoy music, but I do not really fancy playing. I prefer to listen and appreciate, so can be said that my mum is chucking money to the bin for investing in my music journey, waste of cash LMAO. So yeah, I was literally sweating my ass off in the room. I screwed scales, because I only knew how to play C major in similar motion legato an octave apart. No la, not that bad, I can still manage to play third apart and some arpeggios. But apart form that, disaster. Pieces, still okay, but I got room 306, the room with the worst piano in the world. So, I kinda sucked a bit here and there. Sight reading, I was =.= speechless. Nobody will know that it was a piece of music. Aural, haha, no comment. =.= When everything had ended (in a pile of mess), the examiner still can smile at me and wish me luck in my real exam. I was thinking, divine intervention can do a little help now. I was disappointed. Urgh! I can't believe I screwed it up!

Secondly I seriously think that I am addicted to shopping, not to say that I am a shopaholic, it's just that I am compulsively buying things that I don't really need. I have lots of clothes I don't wear. I have prom dresses which I do not even need for now. I have heels I wear only once. I have cosmetics which I don't use. And I have a card I can't help swiping. Duhhh... Body Shop! you robbed my money!

Lastly I miss my friends a lot. Some had already got the USM offer which says that they are leaving soon. Sad. I miss them.

And I am addicted to loud music because I somehow feel that plugging my ears to drumbeats and noise can momentarily erase stress and my troubles. But when it was time to face reality, I feel lethargic and blank to deal with the truth. Feels like running away or just leave them as they are. I am restless because trouble troubles me like they always do. Annoying.

But life is still okay to live. I lovey everyday!

PS: Exams soon.... Stay tuned. Bleah....