1. I'm going to college to study law. Taking LLB external for 3 years. 43K.
2. I'm all excited to start school, but, sigh.
3. Why sigh? Well, I have this family, a challenge God placed in my life.
4. Why challenge? Well, they. Majority of them, are against me doing law.
5. Why against? Because they think they're so smart.
6. How so? Because they think their perception towards my attitude is correct.
7. Anything wrong? oh yeah. They think I'm a good-for-nothing failure in the family.
8. Why so? Because they think I'm not serious enough.
9. Why so? Because my career options are always altering.
10. Why so? Because I have to evaluate my strengths and weaknesses to decide.
11. So the outcome? Unsuitable to pursue in sciences, taking law instead.
12. Why? Utilises my strengths.
13. Ain't worried about the difficulty? Every course is difficult.
14. So what's the problem? Back to square one. Family.
15. Awh, why? Nah, seems like they're discouraging me.
16. Cause? I'm a flipper who gets interested in this minute and not in another.
17. Really? You say. My career choice weih.
18. So what's the freaking problem? Family lar.
19. What they say? "Hah! Sure taking law ar? YOU CAN MEH?"
20. Oh, so how? What can I do? Ignore lar.
21. Difficult? Of course. Even mum doesn't have the confidence in me.
22. Don't you like talk about it? Tried. Ended up arguing.
23. Why lar? Cause she ended up shouting about me becoming a failure.
24. Arr..So I decided to shut my ears and told her I'm refusing negative advices.
25. So? She got pissed and threatened me about school fees.
26. That bad? Nope, cause I take loan and I have cash.
27. So, actually what's the problem? Sigh...Family la.
28. So what? Your financial needs fulfilled what. yeah I know, but sigh.
29. Basically what you need is money. Since no money problem should be okay. Sigh.
30. Why lar? Actually I don;t much care about the money. I need the support.
31. Arh..yeah. So how? I don't know. I just feel disappointed.
32. Owwhh..I know, ignore right? Sigh. Difficult..tsk tsk.
33. Well...I know, just I wished people would just support me, especially family.
34. If not then? my choices are limited. I have to walk this rough road alone.
35. Can? Yes. Though is more challenging, but I will.
36. How do you feel now? Determined, but still, sad.
37. What you want to do now? Any choices? I have to push myself further.
38. I am going to stay positive. Avoid all negative vibes.
39. I am the centre of the universe, I attract things I want. I manifest good thoughts.
40. I am an excellent law student. I'm going to graduate with first class honours. I am going to be successful. I want everyone to look up to me. I want them to feel sorry to have looked down on me. I want my family to be proud of me, and I want them to take back their words. I want to be the best. I am the best!
*but it does feel lonely without family support.
I am sad.
Seriously I am very very very sad!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Legum Baccalaureus
After all brain-wrecking chaos and arguments all over the house, and all over my worn mind, the oh-so-crucial-life-decision is made. One fine night when I was free, I got mum to sit down and had a long talk about it. Questions about my future, starts off which the course I am supposed to pursue, then about my career, my life later.
"Actually, you better consider properly after so long, you know, this is your life, I can just provide advices and guidelines. The final decision is still up to you. If you think you're not confident in sciences, don't do, because you're just wasting effort. Instead utilise your strengths. If you think your language is good, do something related to language. Language opens to a lot of options. But one thing to tell you. The world out there isn't simple. Society is complicated. What you study isn't going to put really into real practice. Seen people who are engineers becoming salesman? Seen people who are teachers becoming businessmen? The world is very practical. A degree is just a passport to get employment. The rest of your performance, lies largely on your attitude towards life. One word, ATTITUDE."
Therefore, I knew that I still had a very important choice to make. The decision which would probably change my life forever. It was about 2am in the morning, we sat there in silence.
"Think about it, make that decision when you're ready," she said.
When everybody went to bed, I prayed in darkness and silence.
This morning I woke up at 7am despite the lack of rest. I went to mum, woke her up, and told her,
"I want to do law."
She asked me: "You serious?"
"I am."
*silence*
I broke it. "Classes start next Monday, so I'm going for registration on that day then I'm going for class."
"Yeah, you should. Because your language is good, and law uses a lot of language, and you're the type of person who is good in memorising stuff, so go for it. One thing, don't slack like you did in From 6. You already screwed form 6, don't screw your life. You must excel in it."
So, that was it.
I am going to be a law student.
(This is so good to be true)
*Above all, I thank my family for unremitting support, and God for His unconditional grace.
I randomly put up this Christmas tree because I feel like doing it.
"Actually, you better consider properly after so long, you know, this is your life, I can just provide advices and guidelines. The final decision is still up to you. If you think you're not confident in sciences, don't do, because you're just wasting effort. Instead utilise your strengths. If you think your language is good, do something related to language. Language opens to a lot of options. But one thing to tell you. The world out there isn't simple. Society is complicated. What you study isn't going to put really into real practice. Seen people who are engineers becoming salesman? Seen people who are teachers becoming businessmen? The world is very practical. A degree is just a passport to get employment. The rest of your performance, lies largely on your attitude towards life. One word, ATTITUDE."
Therefore, I knew that I still had a very important choice to make. The decision which would probably change my life forever. It was about 2am in the morning, we sat there in silence.
"Think about it, make that decision when you're ready," she said.
When everybody went to bed, I prayed in darkness and silence.
This morning I woke up at 7am despite the lack of rest. I went to mum, woke her up, and told her,
"I want to do law."
She asked me: "You serious?"
"I am."
*silence*
I broke it. "Classes start next Monday, so I'm going for registration on that day then I'm going for class."
"Yeah, you should. Because your language is good, and law uses a lot of language, and you're the type of person who is good in memorising stuff, so go for it. One thing, don't slack like you did in From 6. You already screwed form 6, don't screw your life. You must excel in it."
So, that was it.
I am going to be a law student.
(This is so good to be true)
*Above all, I thank my family for unremitting support, and God for His unconditional grace.
I randomly put up this Christmas tree because I feel like doing it.
Monday, March 23, 2009
A Letter to Si Jia
Dear Jia,
Maybe you don;t know this, but I just want you to know, because I really really wished you could understand this. I cannot explain this more than just words, but this is the best I can tell. I am mustering my whole effort on pen and paper to tell you this.
I am truly truly grateful for you as a friend. I am, and I am serious.
Maybe you wonder why I am suddenly saying this. Okay, here is it.
Remember I told you that I am considering Languages in future? Yeah, I did. And I told everyone else. The response they gave me was of several types.
Common type 1: AH? You serious? Eh, wasted your years in science stream la then?
Common type 2: Eh, study language? You want to be a teacher ah?
Well, you bet. I hated these comments. It's like they are judging your future without stepping foot on it, and without considering that you are still thinking about it and you're facing this major dilemma. And it's already been a blow after the results came out, which sucked. If given, who doesn't want to get a flat 4, but just, it wasn't. Instead of As, I just got some sticky mess on a piece of sheet, which confirms one thing: CONSIDER PROPERLY. DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE YOU MADE IN FORM 4.
So, the better comments you get will be, so I know you'll be excellent in this field. You'll succeed. You'll this you'll that. Plain words-that-makes-you-feel-better. Consolation prize. Pat on the back with a weak smile. Yes girl, you're gonna make it.....a teacher, ah, isn't it sad? Yeah, you're good in languages (but sadly nothing else). That's the message I get from the so-called supporters. So called encouragements. Make you feel that everything is possible. But hey, hit back on earth. Seriously, do you need all the pitiful stares and the caring talks? All the false assumptions and fake hopes? It's not the concealed sympathy, but the kind of understanding I needed.
One word.
UNDERSTANDING.
And hey dear this is for you, because without realising it, you had been the most understanding in this issue. You understood me, because you did. You were in the same situation as i did, facing the same dilemma, the same problems, the same setbacks. And you gave me the kind of trust which says that: I am with you, we're holding hands in the same rough storm. As long as we don't shiver, we'll be fine. The storm will ease. We will survive. We're together. We're going to make it to our destination.
Because you decided to consider languages also, something very unexpected. When I knew it, I was very touched, touched by the sense that I finally knew that I am not walking this path alone. There's someone, out there, just happened to reach out her hand and hold mine tight and choose this road less taken by. And this person happened to be so real, and so near. She's just by my side, and she's my friend. You don't know this, but it happened. I indeed find it a blessing, you're an element of essential in my life. I thank you for being present during these rough times, and I truly do. You had been more than just my friend.
You're simply too good to be true.
Jia, you're destined for great things. I know. Trust me, you do. And for once and for all, thank you for being you, the Jia that I had known so well. =)
XOXO
Hui Ting
Maybe you don;t know this, but I just want you to know, because I really really wished you could understand this. I cannot explain this more than just words, but this is the best I can tell. I am mustering my whole effort on pen and paper to tell you this.
I am truly truly grateful for you as a friend. I am, and I am serious.
Maybe you wonder why I am suddenly saying this. Okay, here is it.
Remember I told you that I am considering Languages in future? Yeah, I did. And I told everyone else. The response they gave me was of several types.
Common type 1: AH? You serious? Eh, wasted your years in science stream la then?
Common type 2: Eh, study language? You want to be a teacher ah?
Well, you bet. I hated these comments. It's like they are judging your future without stepping foot on it, and without considering that you are still thinking about it and you're facing this major dilemma. And it's already been a blow after the results came out, which sucked. If given, who doesn't want to get a flat 4, but just, it wasn't. Instead of As, I just got some sticky mess on a piece of sheet, which confirms one thing: CONSIDER PROPERLY. DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE YOU MADE IN FORM 4.
So, the better comments you get will be, so I know you'll be excellent in this field. You'll succeed. You'll this you'll that. Plain words-that-makes-you-feel-better. Consolation prize. Pat on the back with a weak smile. Yes girl, you're gonna make it.....a teacher, ah, isn't it sad? Yeah, you're good in languages (but sadly nothing else). That's the message I get from the so-called supporters. So called encouragements. Make you feel that everything is possible. But hey, hit back on earth. Seriously, do you need all the pitiful stares and the caring talks? All the false assumptions and fake hopes? It's not the concealed sympathy, but the kind of understanding I needed.
One word.
UNDERSTANDING.
And hey dear this is for you, because without realising it, you had been the most understanding in this issue. You understood me, because you did. You were in the same situation as i did, facing the same dilemma, the same problems, the same setbacks. And you gave me the kind of trust which says that: I am with you, we're holding hands in the same rough storm. As long as we don't shiver, we'll be fine. The storm will ease. We will survive. We're together. We're going to make it to our destination.
Because you decided to consider languages also, something very unexpected. When I knew it, I was very touched, touched by the sense that I finally knew that I am not walking this path alone. There's someone, out there, just happened to reach out her hand and hold mine tight and choose this road less taken by. And this person happened to be so real, and so near. She's just by my side, and she's my friend. You don't know this, but it happened. I indeed find it a blessing, you're an element of essential in my life. I thank you for being present during these rough times, and I truly do. You had been more than just my friend.
You're simply too good to be true.
Jia, you're destined for great things. I know. Trust me, you do. And for once and for all, thank you for being you, the Jia that I had known so well. =)
XOXO
Hui Ting
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sometimes
Your unintentional actions pisses me off.
Even without you knowing it,
It does hurt.
A lot. =(
Even without you knowing it,
It does hurt.
A lot. =(
Monday, March 16, 2009
All in a Day's Work
Day : Today
Mode: Swinging mood (360 degrees)
Morning:
Woke up about 9.30 and felt like sleeping back, but students are going to come for classes at 10am. Groaning and moaning, I kicked all my pillows+plush toys+blanket to the floor and dragged myself to the bathroom. About tuition time those brats haven't arrive yet, so I had to take the trouble to call them and POLITELY remind them tuition classes had started. Wonderful. Dozing off as I taught, mum and bro drove away to Gran's place and left me molding at home. Still pissed, I went to buy lunch and wonderfully the Pan Mee I wanted was finished so I bought Yee Mee a.k.a. rubber band and almost fell after tripping over the divider on the way back.
Afternoon:
Felt better after chatting with von online. The abundance of bad words we used, cool. The vocab, awesome. Well, okay, I admit that it's bad, I had to repent later. Bleaahhh. Anyway, was darn bored and listened to songs but sis screamed over the noise cause I am not supposed to blast the music. Okayyy...mum then told me to scan all her documents and email to her so I was part timing an office lady. Boring and ass getting awfully painful, I called Pei for yumcha at Starbucks.
#1 Starbucks Kepong_interior
#2 Posters
#3 Uh gonna rain....
#4 I was late and kena hentam~ paiseh...
#5 Light on..David Cook hahaha..
The barista was like: oh you guys! How was results? (Last time we studied here very frequently so they kinda like know the going ons), so I was like blurred for a moment, and I replied: sucked... And he was like: okay..
Anyway, back to the photos.
#6 Coffee and ice
#7 Syok sendiri (Eh why la look so fair)
#8 My lovely companion, Ms. Goh. LOL
#9 Artistic crumpled tissue. My technique, splendid. ssness in motion. Bleah..
#10 Hui Ting with burnt leg..
#11 Hui Ting pouted, =.=
Reading this to know what course we're gonna study later.
HT: Actually I agree what your sis said.
PX: Yeah, about job. Do you want to sit nicely in the office with make up? Or to sweat under the sun? Or to wear lab clothes and hold forceps?
HT: I definitely don't want to hold forceps and own a few petri dishes.
PX: Me too. We wanna hold LV, wear Jimmy Choo's, own a few Pradas and clad Tiffany and Co.
HT: That why dear, we don't do sciences.
PX: True, that's why we seek the arts.
#11 Pei's album. Darn stunningly nice man..
Starbucks supports Earth Hour too. Hurray!
Evening:
Tuition was boring enough so I just chucked some bina ayat and strolled around. he kids from daycare were a bit friendly today so I took some random photos.
So good er..being kids. Just play and forget about the future. Childhood, ah~ the fun, the joy and the innocence. Most importantly, carefree life.
Night:
Mood straightaway swung to bad and I started cursing. For details, the conversation is as shown as below and I pratically don't give a freaking damn if everyone sees this, especially you smarty.
Mum : She got 14As, your cousin. SPM.
Aunt A: Wow, that was great. Even my daughter only got 11As last time. (boast lar)
Aunt B: Yeah, your daughter STPM got lar how many.
Mum : You ask her yourself, she also don't dare to tell.
Aunt B: Well...
Me : (pissed but not showing) Ar...actually it's not good.
Aunt A: But last time you were okay what. 10As right, SPM.
Me : Yeah. But this time went worse. Don't know why.
Mum : Yeah lar. Slack.
Me : STPM is difficult weih.
Aunt A: Well, like my daughter, she's a medic student now. All the time scoring.
Aunt B: My daughter also got 14As, yours got 11As right last time.
Aunt A: Because last time can only allow maximum 11 subjects ma.
Me : No lar. Cause she didn't take commerce subjects. The extra 3 is commerce.
Aunt A: Oh. But she also got 11As ma. Still the best in school. The one only.
Mum : See lar. People all can score. I used so much tuition money, you only pass.
Aunt A: Yaloh. Why ar you like that? Last time used to be good.
Mum : You ask her la, why is she like that. Not enthusiastic enough.
Me : No choice lo. Already did, past cannot be changed.
Aunt B: So what you want to study later?
Me : English language.
Aunt B: (like shocked only) Har?! Teacher ar?
Me : (Controlled mode) oh not necessarily.
Mum : Can do journalism. Lecturing.
Aunt A: My daughter medical doctor weih.
And hence the bla bla bla-ness. Yeah yeah your daughter is freaking awesome cause she got like 14 As and yours is like a medical doctor and I am just a English teacher in making. WTF? Cannot even like you aunties just fuck off and get a life and hello for goodness sake get a life? It doesn't matter if your daughter is successful now because it doesn't guarantee later and with your shallow minded asses, maybe I will do better. I will, freakingly succeed in life and let you get down on your knees in future. My mum isn't making noise and yet you're like making noise about your greatness of your kids. Wonderful. Should I like worship her? What the bloody hell lar weih? If you think that money equals to success then you're pretty dumb cause if I'm a illiterate fish monger and I earn like tons of cash I still don't reap success cause I am of zero knowledge. Period. My definition of success is one of a kind. Sorry. Cannot help to be sarcastic. Cause you all are very childish and low. I'm from a different class, very the sorry, not interested to mix with your kind. Bleeahhh...
Sigh, luckily my kor smsed me to chill and did some praying so i'm actually okay and still very the apologetic about swearing. About to go off, working tomorrow in Popular. Sigh...hating work.
Listening to Poker Face once more. Ciaoz~
Mode: Swinging mood (360 degrees)
Morning:
Woke up about 9.30 and felt like sleeping back, but students are going to come for classes at 10am. Groaning and moaning, I kicked all my pillows+plush toys+blanket to the floor and dragged myself to the bathroom. About tuition time those brats haven't arrive yet, so I had to take the trouble to call them and POLITELY remind them tuition classes had started. Wonderful. Dozing off as I taught, mum and bro drove away to Gran's place and left me molding at home. Still pissed, I went to buy lunch and wonderfully the Pan Mee I wanted was finished so I bought Yee Mee a.k.a. rubber band and almost fell after tripping over the divider on the way back.
Afternoon:
Felt better after chatting with von online. The abundance of bad words we used, cool. The vocab, awesome. Well, okay, I admit that it's bad, I had to repent later. Bleaahhh. Anyway, was darn bored and listened to songs but sis screamed over the noise cause I am not supposed to blast the music. Okayyy...mum then told me to scan all her documents and email to her so I was part timing an office lady. Boring and ass getting awfully painful, I called Pei for yumcha at Starbucks.
#1 Starbucks Kepong_interior
#2 Posters
#3 Uh gonna rain....
#4 I was late and kena hentam~ paiseh...
#5 Light on..David Cook hahaha..
The barista was like: oh you guys! How was results? (Last time we studied here very frequently so they kinda like know the going ons), so I was like blurred for a moment, and I replied: sucked... And he was like: okay..
Anyway, back to the photos.
#6 Coffee and ice
#7 Syok sendiri (Eh why la look so fair)
#8 My lovely companion, Ms. Goh. LOL
#9 Artistic crumpled tissue. My technique, splendid. ssness in motion. Bleah..
#10 Hui Ting with burnt leg..
#11 Hui Ting pouted, =.=
Reading this to know what course we're gonna study later.
HT: Actually I agree what your sis said.
PX: Yeah, about job. Do you want to sit nicely in the office with make up? Or to sweat under the sun? Or to wear lab clothes and hold forceps?
HT: I definitely don't want to hold forceps and own a few petri dishes.
PX: Me too. We wanna hold LV, wear Jimmy Choo's, own a few Pradas and clad Tiffany and Co.
HT: That why dear, we don't do sciences.
PX: True, that's why we seek the arts.
#11 Pei's album. Darn stunningly nice man..
Starbucks supports Earth Hour too. Hurray!
Evening:
Tuition was boring enough so I just chucked some bina ayat and strolled around. he kids from daycare were a bit friendly today so I took some random photos.
So good er..being kids. Just play and forget about the future. Childhood, ah~ the fun, the joy and the innocence. Most importantly, carefree life.
Night:
Mood straightaway swung to bad and I started cursing. For details, the conversation is as shown as below and I pratically don't give a freaking damn if everyone sees this, especially you smarty.
Mum : She got 14As, your cousin. SPM.
Aunt A: Wow, that was great. Even my daughter only got 11As last time. (boast lar)
Aunt B: Yeah, your daughter STPM got lar how many.
Mum : You ask her yourself, she also don't dare to tell.
Aunt B: Well...
Me : (pissed but not showing) Ar...actually it's not good.
Aunt A: But last time you were okay what. 10As right, SPM.
Me : Yeah. But this time went worse. Don't know why.
Mum : Yeah lar. Slack.
Me : STPM is difficult weih.
Aunt A: Well, like my daughter, she's a medic student now. All the time scoring.
Aunt B: My daughter also got 14As, yours got 11As right last time.
Aunt A: Because last time can only allow maximum 11 subjects ma.
Me : No lar. Cause she didn't take commerce subjects. The extra 3 is commerce.
Aunt A: Oh. But she also got 11As ma. Still the best in school. The one only.
Mum : See lar. People all can score. I used so much tuition money, you only pass.
Aunt A: Yaloh. Why ar you like that? Last time used to be good.
Mum : You ask her la, why is she like that. Not enthusiastic enough.
Me : No choice lo. Already did, past cannot be changed.
Aunt B: So what you want to study later?
Me : English language.
Aunt B: (like shocked only) Har?! Teacher ar?
Me : (Controlled mode) oh not necessarily.
Mum : Can do journalism. Lecturing.
Aunt A: My daughter medical doctor weih.
And hence the bla bla bla-ness. Yeah yeah your daughter is freaking awesome cause she got like 14 As and yours is like a medical doctor and I am just a English teacher in making. WTF? Cannot even like you aunties just fuck off and get a life and hello for goodness sake get a life? It doesn't matter if your daughter is successful now because it doesn't guarantee later and with your shallow minded asses, maybe I will do better. I will, freakingly succeed in life and let you get down on your knees in future. My mum isn't making noise and yet you're like making noise about your greatness of your kids. Wonderful. Should I like worship her? What the bloody hell lar weih? If you think that money equals to success then you're pretty dumb cause if I'm a illiterate fish monger and I earn like tons of cash I still don't reap success cause I am of zero knowledge. Period. My definition of success is one of a kind. Sorry. Cannot help to be sarcastic. Cause you all are very childish and low. I'm from a different class, very the sorry, not interested to mix with your kind. Bleeahhh...
Sigh, luckily my kor smsed me to chill and did some praying so i'm actually okay and still very the apologetic about swearing. About to go off, working tomorrow in Popular. Sigh...hating work.
Listening to Poker Face once more. Ciaoz~
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Prima Donna
I took option to disregard the consistency of pessimist remarks that others took into assumption, in my opinion, such cynical tags are unworthy my slightest attention. Norm as it seems, this minute plunge, and I shall believe, would be encountered and balanced with a soar during the very lowest point. Remaining my will with surges of gallant positivity, I believe should do me the strength to proceed with my climb towards a better intended future, and God-willing, with unremitting support from intimate friends and family members, I do experience such blessing with all my soul, grateful for the canopy of shield and shelter He provides, I humbly receive with bended knees. The retrospective perspective in which I hold, fundamented with sole disregard of sudden failure, has invited myself a savannah of shriveled hopes and bare clearings of portrayed future in my mind. Restless as it seems, I found myself lost in the perplexed and intricate maze, built of hedges of thorny influences of peer pressure and grounds of sleeping sorrow. However tough is was, closure seeps in, as God removes my agony, by providing my life with the abundance of support, as they resuscitate my drowned hopes with the lifebuoy of strength and encouragement. Every concern you extend, my friends, I accept whole-heartedly, be it profuse or thrifty of your own discernment. I had made up my mind that, regardless general believe that this course I opt holds bleak and almost sparse future, which I am going to pursue a degree in language and linguistics, subtly following where my heart points directions to. Afterall, man’s pursuit of success has always been subjective and it beholds in one’s sole discernment. Pray for me. As I will do the similar to you. Finally, excuse me for my inavailability to express this passage with succinctness, as I believe the gallant power in succulence of language in penmanship. I do seek forgiveness humbly supposing my employment of written representation had resulted in offense from audiences of the world wide web, whether intentional or the contrary.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Judgement
When I tore open my results with trembling hands, I was met with a totally devastating news. It hit me hard, like a tight slap on my face. I stumbled into an indescribable point of numbness. Numb from the previous panic with the new surge of disappointment. I shivered despite the blazing afternoon sun. The peak hour roads seemed so silent, as waves of new emotions swept pass me. I said a silent prayer for courage and continued my journey, listening to the words playing in my mind.
Letting reality sinking in takes a while. Within hours after talking to some people, I began to feel the pure bitterness of this tragedy. The feeling of upset and the agony of allowing failure seep in is beyond words. Then of all, the irritated feeling comes in, as people kept texting in and calling in to ask about details. I resented it as I texted back, and I was screaming inside my head. I cannot barely concentrate, until I was on the verge of collapsing, my heart screamed out:
CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?
I am weak and I am at point breaking. Any reprimands are useless now.For now, I need love and care, shield and shelter. As I stepped into my home, I saw my family, and my heart was overwhelmed by sudden sadness, that for once, and for all, I had been a loser and a failure, and I had failed their expectations.
Tears flowed as I prayed.
Letting reality sinking in takes a while. Within hours after talking to some people, I began to feel the pure bitterness of this tragedy. The feeling of upset and the agony of allowing failure seep in is beyond words. Then of all, the irritated feeling comes in, as people kept texting in and calling in to ask about details. I resented it as I texted back, and I was screaming inside my head. I cannot barely concentrate, until I was on the verge of collapsing, my heart screamed out:
CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?
I am weak and I am at point breaking. Any reprimands are useless now.For now, I need love and care, shield and shelter. As I stepped into my home, I saw my family, and my heart was overwhelmed by sudden sadness, that for once, and for all, I had been a loser and a failure, and I had failed their expectations.
Tears flowed as I prayed.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
The Womb Which Carried Thee
I am pissed.
You're being irrational. Again. And again and again I had tried very hard to look pass it and prevent myself from flying into rage. Despite my abundance of patience and forgiveness, I am still human, and my patience is wearing thin. My temper is on surface again and I find myself losing my consciousness over some childish things you said. We both know that you said this out of anger but it still shook me like a slap on the face. Every word that seem nothing to you, turn out to be spite of poison on my thriving soul.
I am so restricted and so helpless growing up in this place. This is so irritating. I cannot even concentrate on my basic duties, but rather you will start to burden me with those stuff that you believed that I should do. You have all your traditional issues in your mind. I resented that, because it is unjust to me. I already did my part, but I have to perform duties I never see my peers doing them. I cannot enjoy many things that my peers do in pleasure. I missed a large chunk of teenagehood trying to pick up myself and start behaving like an adult. I am so burdened by responsibilities that I had less time to find my own goals and dreams. I am so lost and nobody cared. I trained myself to be a person with zero compassionate and without a heart. I never took pity on myself and you. I had given up on life due to your interference with mine.
You found fault with things I do. You had never been satisfied and you like to point out my flaws. I am far from perfection, but you have to know that I am unique in my own ways. Don't blame me for not siding you, because you never did for me. Don't blame me for loving other people more, because you never did that to me too. Don't blame me for ever feeling to leave this place, because you made me feel so. I rather be a refugee in some other place, but this familiar place where it only holds bitterness and misery. Don't blame me because i am not filial. I am not perfect. i cannot be totally forgiving and tolerating. I have limits, and this is it.
You want exchange for an exchange? Money is so important to you right? I know, you always like to threaten me with your benefits over my weaknesses. You take away things you know I couldn't live without. You never supported me, but you sided with people who made my fall. You never encouraged me, but you saw in line with people who never agreed me. What kind of person you are? A person without trust on me, never had at least tried to look at me for once, with the expression besides hatred.
Maybe you're correct, I should have never been born.
PS: I'm so lost. Teach me how to be a better person.
You're being irrational. Again. And again and again I had tried very hard to look pass it and prevent myself from flying into rage. Despite my abundance of patience and forgiveness, I am still human, and my patience is wearing thin. My temper is on surface again and I find myself losing my consciousness over some childish things you said. We both know that you said this out of anger but it still shook me like a slap on the face. Every word that seem nothing to you, turn out to be spite of poison on my thriving soul.
I am so restricted and so helpless growing up in this place. This is so irritating. I cannot even concentrate on my basic duties, but rather you will start to burden me with those stuff that you believed that I should do. You have all your traditional issues in your mind. I resented that, because it is unjust to me. I already did my part, but I have to perform duties I never see my peers doing them. I cannot enjoy many things that my peers do in pleasure. I missed a large chunk of teenagehood trying to pick up myself and start behaving like an adult. I am so burdened by responsibilities that I had less time to find my own goals and dreams. I am so lost and nobody cared. I trained myself to be a person with zero compassionate and without a heart. I never took pity on myself and you. I had given up on life due to your interference with mine.
You found fault with things I do. You had never been satisfied and you like to point out my flaws. I am far from perfection, but you have to know that I am unique in my own ways. Don't blame me for not siding you, because you never did for me. Don't blame me for loving other people more, because you never did that to me too. Don't blame me for ever feeling to leave this place, because you made me feel so. I rather be a refugee in some other place, but this familiar place where it only holds bitterness and misery. Don't blame me because i am not filial. I am not perfect. i cannot be totally forgiving and tolerating. I have limits, and this is it.
You want exchange for an exchange? Money is so important to you right? I know, you always like to threaten me with your benefits over my weaknesses. You take away things you know I couldn't live without. You never supported me, but you sided with people who made my fall. You never encouraged me, but you saw in line with people who never agreed me. What kind of person you are? A person without trust on me, never had at least tried to look at me for once, with the expression besides hatred.
Maybe you're correct, I should have never been born.
PS: I'm so lost. Teach me how to be a better person.
Somebody
After worn and torn form a day of roller-coastering events and rush of emotions, I am here, now, finally relaxed and free.
I place myself in front of the screen, glancing at the clock. It's 1.30am. With everyone asleep, the house is finally quiet. Or rather, way too quiet. I sit in silence, waiting for the page to load, enjoying my moment in solitary joy. All connections to the outside world were closed. My msn was down, my phone died, out of battery.
The only way to break the silence was to listen to some songs in youtube, as I sighed heavily. I ran my fingers to my wet hair, clicking on some long viewed files. There was it, photos, and photos, where they hold those past memories. I stopped by those familiar faces, closed my eyes, and let my mind wander upon some of those fondest moments. If I should have completely shut you down, I cannot assure you that, because you're indeed someone very special to me, even we're already apart. Distance and differences made sure that we're apart. We were both too vulnerable to that challenge,and thus this is the payback we get. You'll always be reserved as somebody special in my life, and whatever you do, you cannot change that fact.
The Hui Ting that once you have known is dead and gone. She has become a better person, and she deserves someone better. Credits goes to you, because you were that trigger.
Thriving Ivory never sounded so emo until now. I brushed my fingers on the screen and looked away. The fan shuffled some papers on the beside table.
You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know
~Thriving Ivory, Angels on The Moon
I got this words from someone's blog: "Can you please let me go because I want to explore and I want the chance to find someone better. Can you just please let go? You're restricting me."
I salute your determination.
*I'm like doing daily posts....Oh my God, I'm sooooo free.
I place myself in front of the screen, glancing at the clock. It's 1.30am. With everyone asleep, the house is finally quiet. Or rather, way too quiet. I sit in silence, waiting for the page to load, enjoying my moment in solitary joy. All connections to the outside world were closed. My msn was down, my phone died, out of battery.
The only way to break the silence was to listen to some songs in youtube, as I sighed heavily. I ran my fingers to my wet hair, clicking on some long viewed files. There was it, photos, and photos, where they hold those past memories. I stopped by those familiar faces, closed my eyes, and let my mind wander upon some of those fondest moments. If I should have completely shut you down, I cannot assure you that, because you're indeed someone very special to me, even we're already apart. Distance and differences made sure that we're apart. We were both too vulnerable to that challenge,and thus this is the payback we get. You'll always be reserved as somebody special in my life, and whatever you do, you cannot change that fact.
The Hui Ting that once you have known is dead and gone. She has become a better person, and she deserves someone better. Credits goes to you, because you were that trigger.
Thriving Ivory never sounded so emo until now. I brushed my fingers on the screen and looked away. The fan shuffled some papers on the beside table.
You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know
~Thriving Ivory, Angels on The Moon
I got this words from someone's blog: "Can you please let me go because I want to explore and I want the chance to find someone better. Can you just please let go? You're restricting me."
I salute your determination.
*I'm like doing daily posts....Oh my God, I'm sooooo free.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Tagged
Once you've been tagged, you are required to write a note with 10 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 10 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
Disclaimer: I am doing the facts with photos, because I'm trying to be out of the box. XD This is an added feature and does not follow the rule of the original context.
1. I am an extremely random person, and my mood swings 360 degrees from day to night.
Random as in I hate routine, and I like to do things out of a sudden, because being unpredictable is like being individualistic, shows attitude and freedom. This is me, and I practically don't give a damn about what you think or say.
2. I love the beach.
So upon planning any getaways, I shall prefer the beach, because it is serene and mysterious. It reflects beauty in silence and peace, and it represents death in unsoundness and calamity. I just think that all beaches carry a story, but what tourists just see is the very surface flawless feel, not the hidden secrets which the waves whisper when they hit the beaches with swooshing motions. Afterall, it's a place where I can empty my mind and shut down from reality. Perfect.
3.I love books and I enjoy reading.
Hence I am knowledgeable and my language skills are excellent. XD syok sendiring.
4. I am far from perfect, but I am contented with myself, as I am blessed with abundance and happiness.
Therefore I dislike judgment from people.
5. I miss these people.
A lot~
6. Form 6 is where I learnt a lot about life, where I mature the fastest. I had no regrets choosing this path, but I do however wished I could be a better person then.
It had definitely changed me to someone I am now.
7. I seek freedom however I feel that freedom is elusive.
My life should be free of constrictions of my own mindset.
8. I love these people, because they're cool, because they stick to me and they're one of a kind.
They're friends for life.
9. I love Pei Xuan because she's my loving ji mui, my dear lovely bestie!
I lub lub lub you!
10. I am a participant of Earth Hour 2009.
Promo here: 28th March 2009. See the world in a new light. 8.30-9.30pm, see the difference you can make.
Tagging: Whoever that reads this. Don't pretend you never read my post. XD
Disclaimer: I am doing the facts with photos, because I'm trying to be out of the box. XD This is an added feature and does not follow the rule of the original context.
1. I am an extremely random person, and my mood swings 360 degrees from day to night.
Random as in I hate routine, and I like to do things out of a sudden, because being unpredictable is like being individualistic, shows attitude and freedom. This is me, and I practically don't give a damn about what you think or say.
2. I love the beach.
So upon planning any getaways, I shall prefer the beach, because it is serene and mysterious. It reflects beauty in silence and peace, and it represents death in unsoundness and calamity. I just think that all beaches carry a story, but what tourists just see is the very surface flawless feel, not the hidden secrets which the waves whisper when they hit the beaches with swooshing motions. Afterall, it's a place where I can empty my mind and shut down from reality. Perfect.
3.I love books and I enjoy reading.
Hence I am knowledgeable and my language skills are excellent. XD syok sendiring.
4. I am far from perfect, but I am contented with myself, as I am blessed with abundance and happiness.
Therefore I dislike judgment from people.
5. I miss these people.
A lot~
6. Form 6 is where I learnt a lot about life, where I mature the fastest. I had no regrets choosing this path, but I do however wished I could be a better person then.
It had definitely changed me to someone I am now.
7. I seek freedom however I feel that freedom is elusive.
My life should be free of constrictions of my own mindset.
8. I love these people, because they're cool, because they stick to me and they're one of a kind.
They're friends for life.
9. I love Pei Xuan because she's my loving ji mui, my dear lovely bestie!
I lub lub lub you!
10. I am a participant of Earth Hour 2009.
Promo here: 28th March 2009. See the world in a new light. 8.30-9.30pm, see the difference you can make.
Tagging: Whoever that reads this. Don't pretend you never read my post. XD
Friday, March 6, 2009
Shocking News
Sigh, actually it was already predicted. Around March the results will be out( EVERYBODY SCREAM!) and the marks can't be changed. I was on MSN when Darryl suddenly gave me this piece of news, which was darn shocking and I was like:
WTF? So fast? STPM wheh man!
STPM WHEH!
Not just only me, actually, I am pretty sure everybody is freaking nervous. Sze Yiing was like:
SY: Die lar die lar.
HT: Me too.
SY: My Dad! He's freaking at home during the holidays. I'm dead meat dude!
HT: Oh, he'll understand.
SY: He won't! I wish I can just fly away.
HT: Yeah, like escaping reality.
SY: I am freakingly scared lar...
HT: Oh come on, you already did a great job.
SY: You're wrong. I wasted time.
HT: Me too okay. I don't know what the heck I was doing.
SY: Wasted the one final step to a bright future.
Ht: Sigh...
Si Jia was very confident in this case. Like always, cause she's PREPARED.
HT: Dude, results on 10th.
SJ: Thanks. (like confident only =D)
HT; Dear, I am scared lar.
SJ: Me too. My Maths was like...what the..
HT: Eh, your Maths only. Me is every bloody subject kay?
SJ: Oh come on. You're top student ma.
HT: Oh pur-lease...Since when?
SJ: Since high school?
HT: That was history. Meet Hui Ting the slacker, procrastinator...
SJ: Me too lar.
HT: Don't worry.You're one of the best.
Yoong Sin, my cool dude, was one of a kind.
HT: Bad news dude. STPM on 10th.
YS: *swore*
HT: Chill dude..I am also darn scared.
YS: Eh don't tell me this la. I'm very scared.
HT: Yeah, as if you guys are going back school for results.
YS: Bleedy man...
HT: I know, I'm gonna flunk with flying colours..
I slacked during 2 years of STPM, due too less passion and enthusiasm. No idea why I was like that, I'm like sorta lost all those passion which I had during Form 5. And STPM is way difficult, needs a lot of constant studying and consistent revising. I was too engaged in lots of useless activities in school until I neglected a big part of academic, but I cannot blame co-co, because I should have been better in time management. During Form 6, I flunked badly and did not gave a damn. Thinking back, I had only started serious studying just about a month before STPM. And I had not been well prepared for every single paper. During the exam, I kinda like had minimal confidence, especially Maths, where I had zero knowledge. It's useless to regret now, too late and nothing can be done.
The only only hope I have now is to pray and have faith. May God bless all of us STPM candidates with results which can make us happy. I need loads of praying and blessings, and I definitely need His grace at this very critical moment.
Results will be out on March 10. Everybody, wish me luck, pray for me and if anything goes bad, I shall be taking is as a redemption for my past mistakes. I foremost publicly announce my apologies to any party whom I had offended, humbly requesting your forgiveness.
Very THE scared laaaarrr...
>.<
WTF? So fast? STPM wheh man!
STPM WHEH!
Not just only me, actually, I am pretty sure everybody is freaking nervous. Sze Yiing was like:
SY: Die lar die lar.
HT: Me too.
SY: My Dad! He's freaking at home during the holidays. I'm dead meat dude!
HT: Oh, he'll understand.
SY: He won't! I wish I can just fly away.
HT: Yeah, like escaping reality.
SY: I am freakingly scared lar...
HT: Oh come on, you already did a great job.
SY: You're wrong. I wasted time.
HT: Me too okay. I don't know what the heck I was doing.
SY: Wasted the one final step to a bright future.
Ht: Sigh...
Si Jia was very confident in this case. Like always, cause she's PREPARED.
HT: Dude, results on 10th.
SJ: Thanks. (like confident only =D)
HT; Dear, I am scared lar.
SJ: Me too. My Maths was like...what the..
HT: Eh, your Maths only. Me is every bloody subject kay?
SJ: Oh come on. You're top student ma.
HT: Oh pur-lease...Since when?
SJ: Since high school?
HT: That was history. Meet Hui Ting the slacker, procrastinator...
SJ: Me too lar.
HT: Don't worry.You're one of the best.
Yoong Sin, my cool dude, was one of a kind.
HT: Bad news dude. STPM on 10th.
YS: *swore*
HT: Chill dude..I am also darn scared.
YS: Eh don't tell me this la. I'm very scared.
HT: Yeah, as if you guys are going back school for results.
YS: Bleedy man...
HT: I know, I'm gonna flunk with flying colours..
I slacked during 2 years of STPM, due too less passion and enthusiasm. No idea why I was like that, I'm like sorta lost all those passion which I had during Form 5. And STPM is way difficult, needs a lot of constant studying and consistent revising. I was too engaged in lots of useless activities in school until I neglected a big part of academic, but I cannot blame co-co, because I should have been better in time management. During Form 6, I flunked badly and did not gave a damn. Thinking back, I had only started serious studying just about a month before STPM. And I had not been well prepared for every single paper. During the exam, I kinda like had minimal confidence, especially Maths, where I had zero knowledge. It's useless to regret now, too late and nothing can be done.
The only only hope I have now is to pray and have faith. May God bless all of us STPM candidates with results which can make us happy. I need loads of praying and blessings, and I definitely need His grace at this very critical moment.
Results will be out on March 10. Everybody, wish me luck, pray for me and if anything goes bad, I shall be taking is as a redemption for my past mistakes. I foremost publicly announce my apologies to any party whom I had offended, humbly requesting your forgiveness.
Very THE scared laaaarrr...
>.<
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Story Part 2
Disclaimer: This is a continuation from the previous post titled Story. The disclaimer for the previous post applies to this as well.
Three
His hands ran on the keys of the piano, playing Debussy. He blinked once when the dim lighting blurred his vision, trying to concentrate. He was tormented by his emotions which contrasts boldly with his light playing piece, as he struggled to balance his feelings. Those flashbacks were haunting his dreams again, as they never left his mind. The same picture of the same person, the event that happened. Moving in a crescendo, he thought about the ten years without her. Ten years since she left his apartment in a moonlit night. Ten years without any news of her. He closed his eyes and made the effort to concentrate. But his mind slipped away. Too burdened with emotions, he stopped his fingers and got up all of a sudden.
The bar went silent as the stool fell on the floor with a clang.
When he staggered home that night, half drunk, he swore he heard a familiar sob at the corner of the street. The voice which belonged to someone who he had missed for ten long years.
Four
She knew this was the best for him. As she saw the man she loved knelt on the street, throwing up to the sewer, she covered her face with her mouth and refrained herself from screaming.
What turned out was a wet sob.
Three
His hands ran on the keys of the piano, playing Debussy. He blinked once when the dim lighting blurred his vision, trying to concentrate. He was tormented by his emotions which contrasts boldly with his light playing piece, as he struggled to balance his feelings. Those flashbacks were haunting his dreams again, as they never left his mind. The same picture of the same person, the event that happened. Moving in a crescendo, he thought about the ten years without her. Ten years since she left his apartment in a moonlit night. Ten years without any news of her. He closed his eyes and made the effort to concentrate. But his mind slipped away. Too burdened with emotions, he stopped his fingers and got up all of a sudden.
The bar went silent as the stool fell on the floor with a clang.
When he staggered home that night, half drunk, he swore he heard a familiar sob at the corner of the street. The voice which belonged to someone who he had missed for ten long years.
Four
She knew this was the best for him. As she saw the man she loved knelt on the street, throwing up to the sewer, she covered her face with her mouth and refrained herself from screaming.
What turned out was a wet sob.
Monday, March 2, 2009
A Tribute
Dear Pn. Salina,
Though you are not with us now, but I'm sure that you had been a great teacher too all of us, and we cherish those moments which now hold as those fondest memories to our hearts. Your presence in our life had indeed been pleasant, as knowing you as our teacher has been one of the most privileged opportunity to us. Although it was just a mere two years, we had indeed appreciated your position as our teacher and to provide us with those motivations, opinions and insights of our academic life. Even you did not really had taught us much, but we still appreciated those lessons you spent with us to motivate and encourage us to pursue and achieve our dreams.
You had been a great person. You're greatly missed and will be in the future. We will mourn and grieve for such a loss in our life.
Rest in peace, Pn.Salina.
The best of 5Sc4. Pn. Salina, you were a cool teacher to us. You are always remembered and cherished. We love you and we will always do. Farewell.
Though you are not with us now, but I'm sure that you had been a great teacher too all of us, and we cherish those moments which now hold as those fondest memories to our hearts. Your presence in our life had indeed been pleasant, as knowing you as our teacher has been one of the most privileged opportunity to us. Although it was just a mere two years, we had indeed appreciated your position as our teacher and to provide us with those motivations, opinions and insights of our academic life. Even you did not really had taught us much, but we still appreciated those lessons you spent with us to motivate and encourage us to pursue and achieve our dreams.
You had been a great person. You're greatly missed and will be in the future. We will mourn and grieve for such a loss in our life.
Rest in peace, Pn.Salina.
The best of 5Sc4. Pn. Salina, you were a cool teacher to us. You are always remembered and cherished. We love you and we will always do. Farewell.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Educate Me
I grow up in a country called Malaysia and this is the place I called it my home. I have been privileged by receiving education from the government, because I as a Malaysian, deserve my rights to receive formal education. As a student in Malaysia, I have witnessed the education system in the angle as a student, and as I grow up and mature, I do possess my own views and opinions towards the reasons and the changes our government made to sustain education in Malaysia.
Currently I am working as a temporary teacher, and I also do possess views of our education system from the degree as an educator. For years I had observed the alterations made, new policies done, new strategies, new systems and I should say that our government is definitely had its best interest for the development of our childrens' tomorrow, via education, however I do like to say that some teachers and parents had the incorrect approach in bringing out the best in each and every child. It does not mean that I am definitely correct, because I do respect others' opinions and methods, hence, I am just voicing my past experiences and with a little twist of today's culture in educating a child with a bright future.
I am a class teacher, and hence I have 45 students from different backgrounds. 45 students with different level of acceptance. 45 students means I have 45 different methods in bringing out the best in them. As a teacher controlling such a large class and with limited time and the hefty workload, I have little time to understand their needs, demands, feelings, so I have to use a general teaching method which best suit the whole class. Indeed, when serious problems occurred to a particular child, I will select them and coach them personally, or even counsel properly in order to make them understand and change their attitude towards their studies. And a child's development is also closely related on the parent's own effort to teach and educate them at home. Especially when it comes to moral grounds and civic consciousness, parents play a major role in instilling excellent behaviour in their own child, as teacher can only assist in the sense of telling them from wrong to right. Parents should pay the attention towards their studies in order not to let them stray away too far. Because I believe that parents should understand that each teacher have to look after 40 to 50 students, while parents have the one-to-one opportunity to educate their children at home. Over dependence is a common trait among parents with a busy career, where it is showed where parents just push the major role in education towards the teachers. In fact, no matter how busy you are, a child needs parent supervision and attention to grow and mature. Parents should set good examples and show positive attitude in order to allow the child to learn in a conductive environment and also to face their studies in an active and eager manner. Besides, I as a teacher strongly believe that children should be given their childhood filled with pleasing memories in playing and enjoying around, in addition of formal education. Sports and community work should be participated by children since young, and they will have a sense of responsibility towards the community, their religious beliefs and the society. It shouldn't be the way that parents restrict children from playing and taking part in sports, just merely focusing in their studies by employing extra tuition teachers and extra academic workload on top of their studies.
By the way, teachers as a part of the educating staff should play the role in instilling proper learning purposes, by means in telling them the reason of studying and the pursuit of knowledge, not just force them to do so because the society requires them to do so. Enlighten them the wonders they can create by learning and the priceless lessons they get from learning. Besides, teachers should educate students to become all-rounders and encourage them to venture into different aspects besides formal education and also to discover their talents and interests. Creating multiple intelligent kids are of importance nowadays, so as educators, we should not emphasise only on formal education but also conduct classes in a way to inform them about knowledge beyond textbooks and classrooms. Teachers also have to possess requirements such as patience and enthusiasm in educating students of all ages and all walks of life.
In a nutshell, to bring out the best in a child, both parents and teachers should compromise and cooperate to come up with the most complimentary method and apply it without doubt. Lack of communication is a definite no-way, as teachers and parents should also take the time to understand insights of their child's view and feelings and also to respect their choices and stands. If parents should understand that teachers had restrictions and complications in carrying out their role, they should also tolerate and believe that whatever had been done, is for the betterment of the child's education. Of course, we are living in a exam oriented society, and most parents have absolute concern about pure academic. But I do believe in the midst of racing towards the goal of academic excellence, many aspects can be ventured without having the say that a student is poor. having moderation shows good quality of time management and discipline. If any child should achieve that, or maybe highfly it, then, it would be an honour to both parents and teachers. This world is not only about certificates and grades, once in the working world, attitude and behaviour determines all.
It's not the time to question government's policy in education. Should we be glad to have such education opportunity in Malaysia, hence we have to make sure that we utilise the chance to maximum effort. Right?
Remember. Academic is nothing if you just study of the sake of studying. Putting it into application and showing feedback to the understanding that feeds your mind is the responsibility each student of all ages should bear in mind. As long as I had interest in the pursuit of knowledge, I am not losing anything, but gaining experience as i go. =D
Currently I am working as a temporary teacher, and I also do possess views of our education system from the degree as an educator. For years I had observed the alterations made, new policies done, new strategies, new systems and I should say that our government is definitely had its best interest for the development of our childrens' tomorrow, via education, however I do like to say that some teachers and parents had the incorrect approach in bringing out the best in each and every child. It does not mean that I am definitely correct, because I do respect others' opinions and methods, hence, I am just voicing my past experiences and with a little twist of today's culture in educating a child with a bright future.
I am a class teacher, and hence I have 45 students from different backgrounds. 45 students with different level of acceptance. 45 students means I have 45 different methods in bringing out the best in them. As a teacher controlling such a large class and with limited time and the hefty workload, I have little time to understand their needs, demands, feelings, so I have to use a general teaching method which best suit the whole class. Indeed, when serious problems occurred to a particular child, I will select them and coach them personally, or even counsel properly in order to make them understand and change their attitude towards their studies. And a child's development is also closely related on the parent's own effort to teach and educate them at home. Especially when it comes to moral grounds and civic consciousness, parents play a major role in instilling excellent behaviour in their own child, as teacher can only assist in the sense of telling them from wrong to right. Parents should pay the attention towards their studies in order not to let them stray away too far. Because I believe that parents should understand that each teacher have to look after 40 to 50 students, while parents have the one-to-one opportunity to educate their children at home. Over dependence is a common trait among parents with a busy career, where it is showed where parents just push the major role in education towards the teachers. In fact, no matter how busy you are, a child needs parent supervision and attention to grow and mature. Parents should set good examples and show positive attitude in order to allow the child to learn in a conductive environment and also to face their studies in an active and eager manner. Besides, I as a teacher strongly believe that children should be given their childhood filled with pleasing memories in playing and enjoying around, in addition of formal education. Sports and community work should be participated by children since young, and they will have a sense of responsibility towards the community, their religious beliefs and the society. It shouldn't be the way that parents restrict children from playing and taking part in sports, just merely focusing in their studies by employing extra tuition teachers and extra academic workload on top of their studies.
By the way, teachers as a part of the educating staff should play the role in instilling proper learning purposes, by means in telling them the reason of studying and the pursuit of knowledge, not just force them to do so because the society requires them to do so. Enlighten them the wonders they can create by learning and the priceless lessons they get from learning. Besides, teachers should educate students to become all-rounders and encourage them to venture into different aspects besides formal education and also to discover their talents and interests. Creating multiple intelligent kids are of importance nowadays, so as educators, we should not emphasise only on formal education but also conduct classes in a way to inform them about knowledge beyond textbooks and classrooms. Teachers also have to possess requirements such as patience and enthusiasm in educating students of all ages and all walks of life.
In a nutshell, to bring out the best in a child, both parents and teachers should compromise and cooperate to come up with the most complimentary method and apply it without doubt. Lack of communication is a definite no-way, as teachers and parents should also take the time to understand insights of their child's view and feelings and also to respect their choices and stands. If parents should understand that teachers had restrictions and complications in carrying out their role, they should also tolerate and believe that whatever had been done, is for the betterment of the child's education. Of course, we are living in a exam oriented society, and most parents have absolute concern about pure academic. But I do believe in the midst of racing towards the goal of academic excellence, many aspects can be ventured without having the say that a student is poor. having moderation shows good quality of time management and discipline. If any child should achieve that, or maybe highfly it, then, it would be an honour to both parents and teachers. This world is not only about certificates and grades, once in the working world, attitude and behaviour determines all.
It's not the time to question government's policy in education. Should we be glad to have such education opportunity in Malaysia, hence we have to make sure that we utilise the chance to maximum effort. Right?
Remember. Academic is nothing if you just study of the sake of studying. Putting it into application and showing feedback to the understanding that feeds your mind is the responsibility each student of all ages should bear in mind. As long as I had interest in the pursuit of knowledge, I am not losing anything, but gaining experience as i go. =D
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