Failed

After the heavy thinking of the aftermath, the conclusion to be made is up to the mentality. I vow to never give up. The least I can do to redeem myself. And perhaps, to quote:

They say President Wilson has blundered. Perhaps he has, but I notice he usually blunders forward. ~Thomas Edison

I'll never accept defeat, never ever. I'll keep fighting for my goals despite setbacks and failures, ignorance and demotivation. In this journey to success, I'm not going to please anybody but myself.

Lastly, to family, friends, teachers, I'm sorry if I've let you down.

The Finishing Line

Met up with kor who took me for breakfast and gave me my belated birthday present. Thank you. Lots of hugs =)

*

1)Take responsibility for words we say Because whether having the intention or not, an inflicted pain, is still painful, and saying sorry won't make things the same again.

2)Communication works out misunderstandings Lack of communication causes unresolved problems, wrongly deciphered matters, and results in conflict in the end. However if one party chooses not to, even when you have all the good intentions in the world, it will still go not conveyed and it will still ultimately results in misunderstandings.

3)Help can only be appreciated when others appreciate Even if it is your nature to reach out and help, if rejection comes, you just have to let it be and move on. Trying to make things better following your way won't work out better, because everything done has been done, and nothing can be changed if others does not even believe in helping out themselves. You can throw them a float when they are sinking, but it's their call to hold on to it.

4)Circumstances and challenges filters true friends Those who stood by since the start, those who go all out to resolve matters, those who sacrifice no matter what, those who respect and accept who you truly are. You know who you are =)

5)Family protects They are the people who defend you and forgive you and make sure everything will be okay no matter what. Their love is the only thing that keeps you awake and to move on so that you can focus on your future, not hold on to the hurtful past.

6)Decision making is life impacting The accumulation of decisions you have made in life makes you who you are today. And the decisions you make now will make you who you are in the future. You choose who you should trust and what kind of life you want and you don't turn back and regret, because life is short and every moment counts. You make decisions by respecting your principles and abiding God's will. Then you're on the correct track. It will be undeniable that challenges come and toughens you up, but as long as you are not tempted beyond your will, you'll be okay and God provides in every way.

7)Trust is a delicate thing Once broken, considered sold.

8)Forgiveness is God's greatest gift It would be non-beneficial for anyone to hold grudges hence forgiveness should be by generosity. And it exist in my nature, just requires time to let it pass.

9)Pray, because when men fail, God never forsakes The faith I have in God will lead me a fruitful life and I take everything as a challenge to be stronger, better and happier.

*

I'm so over it.
I'm tired of everything. A break will be fine.
Then I'll be focusing on important stuff in life.
Life will be so awesome =) once you're single again.

First Post of The Year

2009

Memories cherished, lessons learnt, mistakes forgiven.

2010

I look forward to be respectable and truthful.
Can I?

Thanks Mum

The opinion shattered my anticipation like a slap on my face. I'm close to tears, fed up and in sheer disappointment.

Mum gave me a piece of advice which I felt quite true.

" Now you're young. If you're sure this will last, you wait. You don't rush into conclusions. You be patient now, it will ensures you not getting hurt in future, if anything happens. In any conduct you do, remember, does your actions reflect a decent upbringing, does it portray a decent family? Be accountable to your own actions, to your family who loves you and protect you. The world today is not simple, men are even more complicated. They will reject you when they are tired and fed up, they will even make it fast when they have a little bit of education. Protect yourself by being accountable to yourself. Be who you are. Focus primarily on your studies. And you will reap success as you grow and mature. All material fun that happens now, would not guarantee you substance in life. Know what your dreams are, work towards that direction."

Though it doesn't apply now, what she said truly did left an impact and I began to question myself on having too much fun with my Intermediate exams drawing close. Really, it's now time for studies and taking the first step in ensuring my dreams come true. And she does really made my day. I'm not that upset though it would be untrue to say that I'm all okay right now.

Mum, thanks for the piece of advice. Thanks for the comfort you indirectly injected. Thanks for always protecting me from harm and heartbreaks. Thanks for shielding me from being taken advantage of. Thanks for cushioning my fall when I do it hard. Thanks for your love to me and the family. I will not let you down in life. I will be successful so that you can be proud of your own daughter. =)

Love ya!

Form Six Gathering

Gathering at Redbox Low Yat Plaza. I seriously swear I won't go back to that blardy place again. Duh. Maximum resentment. I got lost like about half an hour in and out of that stupid Sungai Wang or BB Plaza or whatever crap. Anyway, of course, gathering was fun, and joyous. I missed them a lot. And I even miss these people right now. RAWR! All the best kay? You all are the most diligent people I have ever seen in my life and it definitely guarantees a yield of an extraordinary future. Love love love!!

*

Life is not about just making decisions, it's about dealing with the decisions you've made.

In a way it does hurt someone badly, I am quite sure. In a way I am sorta cruel and cold and acting all pretentious. In the end the question still lies in me that in everything you had did and sacrifice, is it what you want? I believe that life is not just about following your heart and allowing freewill affection. When there is none you tend to have a sharper conscious. It shall always stay as a accessory to enhance, not an element to live with. Definitely not the layman's contemplation of what everyone is seeing. Acquaintance like this grows you up and matures you inside out. Makes you monster from man. It's a choice of priority. Personal prerogative rules forever.

I Cried

Dear,

Thank you for listening to me rant. That phone call meant so much to me. I always know that I can rely on you, that I know that somewhere, sometime, in any way, if I am there, alone, you will always be there for me. That is why I need you so much in my life. I could not imagine life without you here.

I am truly appreciative that you took the effort of putting my problems as your own. Truly, I can never ask for a favour like this. You had always been a great identity of my life. Without your legend, life would be nothing more comfortable to live in. Of all and everyone who I come close in my life, you will be forever the most special one I will ever have, and above all, I thank you with all my heart. For everything you had did for me.

And I miss you a lot.

XOXO
Hui Ting

I Dedicate This To You

It's no surprise that after being in a crowd and being with people that I let reality sink in that once I am alone, solitude and loneliness seeps in fast and direct. So much for partying in a fake sense of belonging that in the end nothing more than pure aftermath of the chaos, I found myself mourning at the loss of my true personality. Why pretend and appear that I am enjoying every moment? Perhaps, yes, I may had been ecstatic with remoulded joy at that instance, but the truth behind every joke and every fine line of smile, had to be reconsidered, worth it, or not? Definitely no. It had been faked, very genuine-like, but it's still a fake, and fake goods gets discarded like trash because they lack authenticity. Just like people who fake personalities, trying to be owned, trusted, belonged, lacked courage to portray emotions and opinions of one of a kind. Lack. Shallow. Scared. Like what I had been trying hard to prevent. Do not allow changes in life incline me towards the bad. Let truth and good reign. But temptation has its course. A tip off the balance. Words I am not supposed to say. Acts which are forbidden in my context. My principles not abide. Upon points in my life, I am asking myself what am I supposed to do now? What's my next step? What's my purpose in life? What am I seeking for? Is what I am doing now really that important? Where are my priorities? What else do I lack? What else do i need? What else do I desire? Questions after questions. I keep faith strong. I prayed for answers. I however got answers to be patient. So patience should I acquire. Fluctuating between lines is yet another routine now. Solitary generosity in talking about life. I do not own anything though. Pure and cleansed blankness. I am truly lost, in a nutshell. Perhaps, a lifebouy? It do not even have to be a lifeguard. Chuck me a piece of wood to cling on still waters. Because even in stagnant waters I can barely save my own soul. I had became thoroughly dependent, but no one, just no one could save me from the fall out.

It had been so long, but it had never been easy. But I will try. I want to forgive, because it is the only way for me to forget and move on. The past, and everything, shall not be pondered upon. I want a clean break. Clean and clear cut, a distinct line. And after all, I wish you well. I dedicate my blessings to you. And remember, it has always been my wish to see you happy. =)

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight


Moving on, come along. Life is too perfect to be missed. Forward is my direction, because my destination lies in front. God is still great. I am still, okay. =)

The Good Pretender

I took the advice to keep myself busy and so I hung out with college mates and joked around, wishing the fun could take my pain away. Yeah, college buddies were great, practical jokers and good people. Basically I tried to keep myself busy with books and notes and people. Diverging the attention so that my active mind won't wander towards the solitary extreme.

But when I am alone boarding the train, standing among strangers, my mind just made the imprint so strong, and I just kept thinking about it. And it never went away when I was showering, mixture of salty secretion and cool water draining away. How I wished all those memories could be carried away like that, permanently deleted, washed away. Watching the water draining away, something about staying strong and moving on somehow made me manage to dry my face and look normal as I stepped out of the shower.

I made my commitment strong. I cannot crumble like this anymore, this is very weak and very foolish. In any way you interfere with my life, my emotions will never again swing and made so vulnerable to hurt. Because you are past tense. History. I don't need another chance, because why. I had a good future ahead. I am a future lawyer in making. I have got friends who care. Family who loves. I have my life so interesting with people who can make my day. I have God. And please just remind me that you're just supplementary, secondary and subsidiary. I do not need to turn back and linger because all the things went so wrong then and I am sure it would not have been any better if somehow things proceeded. It already screwed my life once. There shall be no second time. No more chance again. I am moving on, carrying myself perfectly okay.


I dried my eyes and tilted my face and feel Your grace. You are so real, God. I thank you for your unconditional love.

Frictionless

Cause we belong together now
Forever united here somehow
You've got a piece of me
And honestly
My life would suck without you.
~ My Life Would Suck Without You (Kelly Clarkson)

Shout-out to all friends:

"I LOVE YOU ALL"
Distance and time shall not be the reason for us not preserving this friendship. You guys were there for me, whether sharing the joy or the pain. I appreciate you all forever. This year, my valentine's dedication goes out to all my friends who I happen to meet in my life. You know I love you.

Happy valentine's Day.

All Wounds

It finally got into my mind that this is not going anywhere anymore. At least, it's not anywhere in front. But this is finally the time that I am not having the idea of still tugging onto the lone string that held the question in my mind for so long. If I am not able to get an answer, so might well as I just forget about the question and move on with life. It's not something somebody had said. In fact I have done listening to his apologies that seem insincere to me. Maybe I'm just being sensitive and nonjudgmental. All this while I believe that there were questions running in both our minds but I'm pretty sure each of us were too insecure about making any moves that might change today. Besides, it's not the advices and opinions that changed my sense of self-realisation, because no matter how my friends assure me that this is not my fault, I am still very conscious about how this issue had taken its toll on me, merely because I believed that they were just lending a helping hand, to make me feel better. But not pulling me out of the sense of elation because in fact the people who knew me will never look at me the same as before, after so long I had built my image of a person who will never dwell in emotions and relationships. I do sincerely appreciate their care during that time, because I believe that without them, I cannot withstand the pressure and unable to concentrate. But after that, the sense of guilt had again overcame my momentary blocked conscious. Let's face the truth, because I even look down on myself as I regard myself as worthless and even cheap.


Previously when I thought myself as a person who can live without bringing up my emotions when circumstances truly need them, and I had been the person who had looked down on other people who portray their feelings openly, without fearing the possibility of rejection. I had been the one who gossiped and laughed along. And I did got my own taste of medicine when I face this problem single-handedly. I realised that most of the time, emotions cannot be controlled no matter how hard you try. The whole idea of juggling between appearances and attitude seem like a joke for me. Solely because I believe that I am not very pretty, not very outstanding, not girly enough, and in fact I'm boyish, rough, and if there were a list, I am going to be the one at the last. No matter how much I campaigned about being striking in personality to win hearts, I still think that somehow, appearances do matter a lot. I'm not blaming the eye of the world in choosing. Because packaging is still branding, and advertising, and no matter how sucky the content was, you still can illustrate it as attractive as you can on the outside. I knew this since a very long time ago, and I believe that my life is going to be fine if I can be the best in everything if I can trade in my relationship. So for years I carry on my thoughts until the time came and I was unfortunately unable to control my emotions. And it shows how weak my soul is. And I resented it. As I know I am no pretty face or charming face, I excelled in studies, showed my leadership and managing skills, portrayed my creative talents, in order for my peers to look up to me for what I am, not what I look like. But I also got to know that actually a lot of self confidence comes from how good looking a person is. So it's like minus 50 marks for each social event I go. Because you don;t carry around a plat card saying you're the best Biology student. The first step is often triggered by looks. And saying that it's vital in life, and something I am rendered unpossesive of, thus unabling me a lot of opportunities, and most importantly, lowering my self-esteem and confidence.


It's great to have friends sticking up for me all the time, asking about the progress. But it sucked to make them worry, especially when the timing is bad and there were so much things needed to be taken care of, anything but my problem. And besides, it's my own matter, so in the end, it's still me making the decision whether to do anything about it. This is a realisation that I actually hated to have the feeling that it's floating in mid-air, not going anywhere. By right it's already ended, I think, because he has disappeared. And he has not bothered to keep in touch and finally I have also thought of myself unworthy his attention and decided that he, like any guy out there, just cannot resist the 7-year-itch, and speaking about just 7 months here. Sigh, sadly, I get that he is just playing around and not wanting to commit himself into anything because of a few reasons. And these reasons are as I assumed, firstly, because he is very aware of the differences between both of us, saying that I possess the taste he cannot manage to fulfill. And he was all the while wrongly assuming that I will be conscious about the material demands that he deemed unnecessary. In short, he wrongly-assumed that I cannot be sought after by someone of his kind. Secondly, I believe that this is because he is ashamed about what I am, because as I mentioned I am not good-looking while he is. Thirdly, he had no courage, being passive as he used to be. Lastly, this whole agenda is just me wrongly assuming that he had liked me, in fact he did not and I was too self-obsessed to ever think like that and fall for the fictitious sense of non-existing attraction.


I believe that I am a very good friend as I treat all my friends equally well and I understand and tolerate their differences in order to bring out the best of us by all means of friendship. I had always committed to trust my friends and I do not wish to lose one because of the mistake that both of us had made. I do not wish to quarrel and misunderstand as I know it will lead to unbearable sufferings and pain to both of us. And I also do not like to just guess and guess about what is wrong between us. In fact, both of us were just guessing it all the time and never got the guts to ask the final question which maybe will make a difference. I just hated the fact that simply all of those unpleasant events happened in a bad timing, I chose to abandon my friend and chose to make myself feel better, as in making myself blaming him for everything that had happened. I know that I am weak and cowardly, and I cannot face my own fears and I cannot break out from my protective mask and just solve the problem. In the end, I just simply chose to run away from the truth that I think both of us and most of my friends have already knew. I admit that I am not entirely truthful when I spoke to him. I had lied and sinned. And I believed so did he. But all those lies and assumptions had bought us to this step today, so upsetting until one of us finally gave up and fade away. I know it's unbearable. I have flaws because I am human and he forgave a lot of my mistakes but I am too arrogant to realise his tolerance. And yet I had started a lot of unwanted fights with him and it shattered our friendship before bringing it further. And if there is not stable foundation, how tall can the building go? I had always said I hated his sensitivity and not realising that actually I am also very emotional. So in the end it's me tasting my own dose of medicine when this issue turned bitter. It's a story of two people holding their pride to high, and finally this pride is so precious that it worth blank nothingness in the end. How foolish is human. How pitiful I looked when I was afraid of myself. It's not him I pity now. It's my alter ego, my prideful and arrogant, insecure and non-moving stone hearted beast that I gave my pity to. A fool and a coward.


I had learnt a very valuable lesson of life as I face my own monsters everyday. Each night, I pray for the will to sleep without dreams. Each morning, I wake to learn to enjoy my life without his presence. I eliminate his portrait from my head each day as I go, knowing that this process needs time and faith. Of course I regard myself as a survivor from a terrible ordeal. I thank all my friends making the effort to make me feel better. Seriously I am fine but as you guys know, time is vital here, just give me the space and time to let go. I thank God for giving me strength to face everyday without him. Giving me faith to keep believing in your mercy and power. Giving me hope as you never fail me.

Bright Night

Finally. Call it an end to year 2008 and HELLO 2009. meaning that I am going to again unfold another chapter of my life, starting fresh and new. With a promising beginning, I am ready to have all my new year resolutions done during this whole new year. A fresh start to wash all those unpleasant happenings which happened during year 2008, meaning I have to do all those recapping and rethinking about the mistakes that I have made and regrets I wished I hadn't had, and by God's will, wouldn't happen again in year 2009.

Firstly, a great big hug to all my Chinese Society members. I don't think I was a good president while I am in position, but I had tried my best. I am darn sure I had offended most of you guys, and I wished I didn't had. Of all that had happened then, I had only one intention: To the betterment of the society. Although you may had disagreed me as a leader, but I wished you had loved me as a friend.


Anyway, I do like to sincerely apologise what I had did to you people out of non-intention or otherwise. And also a big big THANK YOU. For making me the proudest president when we together make any event a success. And for allowing me to learn so much during this process.

Secondly, I would also thank all librarians (especially committee members)for helping me out during these times while I was president. And dear juniors, I my had pushed you guys too far during your probation, and I sincerely do not wish you guys would hate me for that reason. For everything that I did, is for you guys to improve, because at that time, you were the people I can count on to succeed one of the largest board in school.


But seeing you guys did the farewell fairly well was one of the most relieving thing I had experienced. Thanks for staying put with the pressure. Your commitment was recognised by us seniors.

Thirdly, to twins and Zi Qin aka BFF.
You guys had been giving me lots of moral support and guidance throughout the year, or years. I haven't formally thanked you guys before, but in my heart you guys are always my besties forever, and you guys know that. Although we have been disagreeing in lots of stuff but I think you guys have been there for me wherever I needed you. And it's truly the best thing I had ever had in my life.


I know I hid something I am supposed to share with you guys that time. And it's depressing me like nothing else. When I told you, you had given me the best advice, and being the best listeners. Thank you for not judging me for what I was behaving that time. And thank you for being my friend for who I am.

And for Shin Peih. You had been one of the best listeners I had when I had problems. Thanks for giving me an otherside opinion. And by the way, thanks for teaching me Maths!


I am sorry that sometimes you had the feeling that you're being used in friendships. But I assure you, I am grateful for you as a friend. It's not about common interests and helping out. It's you who had made the difference. And I hope this friendship lasts regardless of time or distance.

To Michelle, I am more than happy to have you as a classmate, and some more sitting beside me in class. Thanks for all those happy times we cracked as nutters in class. The jokes you made to cheer up the whole situation. The instant relief we had when we cursed teachers in class.


Although sometimes we wil bu suang each other, but hey dude. You know I am grateful for you as my classmate. Form 6 is never gonna be the same with you in the same class, and boy I say, you gotta love high school.

To 6AA and 6AB, the class I was in for two years. A lot of things may had happened during 2008. For one thing, we used to share the same classroom, but now we're all heading towards different directions. As years pass, would we meet one day? Would we still treasure the togetherness that we used to have?


Lots of incidents had happened when we're in the same class. Happy or not. One thing. I'm happy to be a part of this class, no matter what people said about it. You guys had been the one you are, and it had made all the difference.

2008 had been a year of dramatic changes. Definitely lots of lessons learnt. Mistakes made and regretted. Choices made and moved forward. It had been a terrible year, tears were shed and voices were raised. I can say that I achieved nothing. But at the same time it had been a rewarding year, because I had yet received lots of pleasant surprises from family and friends. And had experienced new stuff that I never been in before. Thanks to all those persons who had given me those memories.

TO AMBITION
In 2008 I found out that I cannot become a doctor. A doctor is the ambition that I had since primary school. And to ditch the dream that I used to have is due to a few reasons. Primarily I found out I'm not fit and not mentally prepared for such a long duration of studying period. And I do not qualify as an excellent student. I'm just average. And average joes and plain janes do not just become doctors. The industry is complicated for normal people. And money is another factor. And I just figured out that I wanted to become a doctor so badly is just because of the money and title. And after all it equals to my desire. Plain lust and fictitious cravings for a better life. Then I actually got some pretty good advice from Plurk friends, for actually believe that I should play by my strengths. This June I am going to face a challenge: To choose a course which will lead me to my future. And God bless, I am going to make the correct decision.

TO PEOPLE
In 2008 I learnt that perspective is very individual and meant to be treated by respect and optimism. I never much had been a good friend or family member, but I ambit to be better in year 2009. I will be a good listener and understanding at all circumstances. And I shall learn to be better when I prepare myself to stand in other people's shoes. Learn to serve the community and humanity. Respect people of all walks of life. Treat humanity with justice and equality, eliminate bias and prejudice. To appreciate life of others.

TO MYSELF
In 2008 I learnt that I am very bad in making decisions. So I aim to be wiser in 2009. To be able to differentiate emotions and conscience when circumstances allow. I shall never let emotions overrule rationality in whatever case. I will be stronger when it comes to rejection and failures, and able to move on and throw misery away. To be a person of dignity and well sought after. I shall be able to own and portray my own true identity. And to walk the world without the slightest regret.

Now making a lil 2009 wish list.
1. STPM: Please please give me at least 3As.
2. MUET band 6.
3. Driving license.
4. A car.
5. A good University.
6. Shopping opportunities.
7. A happier life.
8. Health and wealth.

That's all I guess.
Anyway, I shall be celebrating the arrival of 2009 with great exhilaration. New year, new hopes, as anyone else says. =D

PS: I personally think that this is the end of it. All these times I believe that my intuitions never went wrong, and if it does, I will just assume that you are trying to deny it. You may say it's just trying to make myself feel better and yes it does, because like you, my pride isn't just something to be thrown away. As they say, only fall for someone if he is willing to catch you. And I haven't got the slightest clue that you're ready for a change. I don't give a damn about your past because I do not feel that's going to determine your current actions. An advice for you: Everyone in this world changes for the better after experience. But you? Just stay on the same pace. Repeating your known mistakes. Pathetic you. I feel sorry for you. Because you are a loser, who never realise that the world doesn't just wait. Waiting for you is like waiting for the rain in the drought. Useless and disappointing.If you were to ask what had you got from me, yeah, you've got my pity.

Minutes to Midnight

Dear members,

I may not be the perfect leader to you, and some of you may even dislike me and my style of getting things done. but you have to understand that the decisions I make is for the benefit of all. At times it may not favour any party, and even sometimes I have to sacrifice things I hold precious of.

Most of the time I am strict and harsh, and I may be offensive. I may say things that hurt your feelings, and you may grade me as inconsiderate and not understanding. I could have been pushy and pressuring most of the time and not knowing it. But I am in a very difficult situation all the time. I have to make choices and make wise decisions without troubling you guys so much.

As a president I serve as an intermediate between you and the teacher advisor. I have to constantly update her and tell her my decisions, let her evaluate situations. And guys, these are time-consuming. I also have to be pressured by her dissatisfactions and demands. So, I have no choice but to keep pushing you guys. Sometimes, you guys are uncooperative. I have to bring you all together. I have to make sure things run smoothly. I am a very direct person. I speak things as it is. If I am unhappy, I am unhappy. And vice versa, if I am satisfied in your performance, then you are really great.

I am very pressured about this Singing Competition. Thank God everything ends today. After this, everyone can focus on your studies and care about your futures. If I had in any way offended you(which is obviously yes), I apologise.

Anyway, guys, I love you all soooooooo much. Thanks for being by my side, supporting me all the time. Whether friend or not, you have served the Chinese Society your best.


Thank you!!! All my wonderful committee members. Without you guys, this event will never run so smoothly.


Thanks all members. I really appreciated your help and cooperation.

XOXO,
Hui Ting

Sin City

Dear Lord, I pray in the peace of the world.
I did something wrong today.
I confess I am a sinner.

Please, please, please don't let the school and the teachers know about this.

But damn, it feels so GOOD to commit this sin. Even I have done it, I feel no remorse. In fact, I wanted to repeat it again. It's an experience I felt so great about being a student.

In God's name I pray.


Dear bloggers, guess what I have done? I will blog about this on July.
Till now, you people just guess.

Ciao~

Review

Defense is a very natural and normal feedback of human beings. But people choose different methods to present their defensive attitude. Some talk behind backs, using anonymous identities. Some chose to bombard directly in front of the offenders. Whether what method you choose, it is of one purpose, to clarify your views and stand on your belief. I am a believer of the freedom of voice. Mass media created in these days proved that the world have high demands of different views. People write reviews to criticize, they wrote articles, drew comic strips, went on TV shows, had press conferences, just to make use of the convenience of free media to speak their thoughts. This is the accumulation of intelligence. Politicians use the criticisms of opponents to improve their strategy, so tat they can run a better country. Economists accept different views to improve the world wide trade. Film directors use reviews to improve their techniques. Hotel directors use feedbacks to enhance their servicing qualities. The world is a give and take medium. One party has to rely on another, simply just to improve.

On, my post titled School of ROCK(Restless, Obnoxious, Childish Kids), I voiced out my dissatisfaction towards SMKRA via my blog. Apparently my link leaked out somehow and it became an issue. I understand the fact that you gave me negative comments due to your defensive behaviour. It is ok to defend the party you belong to. You got angry and dissatisfied because I had provoked the party you belong to. Fine. So what you must do? Easy. You defend and fought back, just like what you did, posting negative comments and giving me all sorts of names. Ok. Great, but some of you got it wrong. You defense by crticising Us. By right I am the only one who wrote the blog, why you judge me as a representative to my previous and current school? I am always an individual. If you attack, attack me alone. Leave the others out of this business because they were uninvolved. If you do so, this is very unfair for them. I did something that made me the attention. Let me solve it myself, leave the others out of it. If you have any prejudice towards my current and previous schools then you got it wrong. They are good and polite students with a bright future ahead, so keep them out of this issue. Let me show you how to defend. You state what have I overlooked. You state your qualities, the unique cultures, things that can be proud of. Like Malaysia. Do you think that Malaysia is the best country in the world? Surely not. Easily Singapore can beat Malaysia by its strong socio-economy growth and advance in science and technology. But we defend by saying that Malaysia has unique cultures that Singapore does not have in possession. And it goes on like that. We do not defend by saying: So what if Singapore is so advanced? They are blah blah blah (I do not want to comment on this issue due to political restrictions. I just want to make a point clear). Then this is wrong. By talking bad about Singapore would not make Malaysia seems the better, it only reflects the inability of Malaysians to have critical thinking skills. Same thing. By saying St. Marians and Maxwellians are lousy and immoral would not make you a saint. It only mirrors your naïve and childish thoughts and the immaturity to think like an adult.

We came to your school, and you do not even treated us like a part of it. Your teachers made the point very clear. They distributed worksheets to people who “are going to remain here”. So what about the others? Before we can get our transfer, who are we? We anted to be a part in your school but your teachers made us had the feeling that we were just refugees habituating in your school temporarily, then we were gone for good. We were co-operative in the sense that we accepted your school rules. We even bought school badges when requested. When the school requires us to present something for teachers’ day we even contributed ideas. We also helped to clean the physics lab. We attended classes and made an effort to listen. So how can you call us arrogant? We can manage to adapt to such situations, completely diverse from the environment we were brought up with. Everyone has a limit to things. I do not deny the fact that some of us may have offended you all but we sometimes cannot stand the way we were treated. So when you all felt offended what should you do? You confront us and say it clear on our face, not smearing my blog with secret identities after the incidents. By the way, I am very sure that not only I wrote negative things about your school. Many of us did. So I guess I just got ‘lucky’ because somehow you all managed to find my blog first. But this is still my blog. It is free for anyone to leave comments or to read. If you do not want to publish a comment on my blog, then don't. Nobody is forcing anyone. The use for you to leave comments only functions as a interactive part.

Your school conducted an orientation session for us. The purpose of orientation is to introduce us towards your school, as well as the totally new subjects in form 6. But I find it very weird when your school kept brainwashing us to make us stay. The very first thing you asked us was to show a shower of hands to indicate those who wish to transfer.
You knew the majority were transferring. Instead of respecting our choice, you treated us with bias from the very first day. You assembled all teachers to speak about the subject they teaches, but some of them kept the whole session running by saying all sorts of things to make us change our mind to transfer. You even managed to gather a few ex students to say about the experience they had during their time in your school. I acknowledge the fact that your school has the potential to produce excellent students. The group that talked to us was only about 10 or more. What about the rest? Did they feel the same thing about their school? Did they have same views about the teachers and the teaching methods? 10 of them do not represent the whole ex SMKRA students. Even the 10 of them have any dissatisfactions previously they would not have dared to talk publicly due to the reason they respected their alma mater. The million dollar question is, why bother to convince us to stay if you had the confidence that your school is good? You let go. You should not have paid too much attention on worrying who is going to leave and why. We got tired when almost every teacher who entered class asked who the ones who lodged for transfer are. We also got fed up when teachers refused to distribute worksheets for students who were not remaining. Why bias us while we were on the wait for transfer? We were still SMKRA students when we have not received the letter of approval for transfer. We still deserve to be given education and treated equally like any permanent SMKRA students. You did not welcome us at the first place and expected us to adapt to such situations. Under pressure, man. Ask yourself how do you cope with these problems if you were in the same shoes as I do? You express your dissatisfaction. And ta-da. You saw my blog.

Your culture is very different from the school we came from. I do not deny the fact that we over reacted on some things but the fact is still the fact. Your school compound is untidy and some of the facilities were in damaged conditions. The habit of loitering was seen. You do not cultivate the habit of reading in students. You allow them to do whatever they like before class, and students were seen either talking or doing nothing early in the morning. When I stated that it is a poor culture, you protested by saying that if you see people reading early in the morning you will think that they were sick. Then judged by your comment, I can see that you are very immature in thoughts. A book does not make anyone a patient. The habit of reading should be cultivated in school so that students will enjoy reading and make it a part of their lives. How to? You make it compulsory for students to read, not only for exams, but for the wholesome of general knowledge. Instead of allowing them to waste their time just like that, allow them to enter class earlier and get them assembled with a book and make sure that they read. A few minutes of reading per day can do a lot of difference in life. 5 minutes per day, and a month you will get 1 hour and 40 minutes of reading. And vice-versa. 5 minutes for students doing nothing, and in a month they waste 1 hour 40 minutes of their life, doing apparently nothing useful for their own betterment. As for facilities, you should care take them properly. Educate students to love the school properties and diminish the damage amount. How? By enforcing school rules thoroughly. In 2 weeks time in SMKRA I can find that your school rules were not enforced strictly. Why? See students loitering around? Is that permitted? Re-designed uniforms? I wonder. Hand phones in school? Isn’t something called spot-check? Students smoking? Is that even allowed outside school premises? By holding a cane and shouting at students does not make you a discipline teacher. It only makes students hate you more and result in more disciplinary problems. I am standing in the point of view of a student, and I know better.

I am also not saying that we are good in English. I do not understand why you had the impression that we are that good. And if you really look up to us that much I would like to clarify that the reason we are better is we made an effort to upgrade and improve. You as students can make a difference by accepting a little challenge and make a paradigm shift. I came from a Chinese medium primary school. Do you think that I can adapt to the situation in secondary school where English Language is much paid attention to in just a click? No, surely. I learn and make an effort to improve. How? The habit of reading and the emphasizing the culture of English speaking in school. My school made it a rule that mother tongue is not allowed in school. At first everyone did not like it. I am sure that you will say that my school is sick at this point of time. But everything the school made is for us. Do you think the discipline teachers and the principal were not blamed and hated by students? Students tend to complain but the school was firm with their ground. The discipline teachers and principal was people of faith and patience. They believed that the culture they emphasized will be appreciated finally and it came true. And for students, they can choose to stick to their comfortable way in speaking their mother tongue or taking up the challenge. Those who had accepted the challenge improved and are currently on the run towards more improvement. What am I trying to point out is, by instilling positive but different cultures in a school may cause mayhem in students, but in the end everything will be worth it. And students can choose their destiny either by thinking critically about their own future or choose to stick to their own way. In the end you will find yourself facing a totally new world, and there will be no turning back towards the medium that allows you to make a paradigm shift in yourself.

If you say that teachers are your destiny then you are very wrong. You determine your own destiny. Teachers only function as guides. Your SMKRA teachers made this point very clear when trying to brainwash us to remain. I admit that your point is true. No matter where you go, the teachers were all the same, just guides. But have you ever thought about if you were given a choice between a good and a lousy guide, which would you choose? Surely the good one, eventhough it is only a guide. A good teacher is a teacher who has complete knowledge of the subject he or she teaches, and is able to convey knowledge and conduct lessons where students are able to understand and will evoke their interest towards the particular subject. Besides, they are also able to help and treat every student with equality and understand each and everyone of them. Then, he or she will earn respect from students. Everyone knows that nothing is perfect under the sun. They will be no perfect teacher, as they will never be a perfect student. I am also not saying every teacher is good in St. Mary and Maxwell. But they were respected. Teachers in SMKRA did not even respected us when they knew that we were going to transfer. So ask me how can I respect them? Telling you the truth we already tried to be patient and respected them. Listening to their lessons knowing that after class we will attend tuition after all is a sign showing respect. If teachers wanted respect, they should earn it, not demand it. You may call me ungrateful but I am already a pre-U student. I am no longer a teenager but rather a young adult. Entering form 6 is where I learn to think critically and have an objective view towards everything. If you absorb everything that the teacher teaches then you are still behaving like a child. You listen and filter, then ask questions. Then absorb what is correct. Teachers are not saints. They are just normal lay people with the mission to educate the next generation. Understand them, they make mistakes. As students we receive the necessary and ditch the others. If you absorb whatever the teacher teaches and found out that you got some facts wrong in the end of the day, you will blame the teacher. Never worship them. Teachers may not like students like me but in the end, these students are the ones who will have matured thoughts and fully armed to face the world. In the end, students like this would be the ones thanking back the teachers. For what? Not for knowledge. Not for great results. But rather the training for us to think maturely.

A fact is still a fact. What I wrote in my blog are undeniable facts. Do you think that your toilets are clean? Even your own students felt disgusted by the conditions? Do you think that your teachers treated us fairly? Do you think that the discipline is a bit out of bounds? So how? You change. You improve for the better. From what I have seen you love your school and are co-operative in some sense. You all can gather together and shoot me with all kind of names. Why not use the strength to improve the current situations. Come on, take up the challenge. Students and teachers can co-operate and make your school a better environment for educational purposes. Make a paradigm shift. The process may need time but it will never be late. Prove that you can and prove me wrong. Then when you have succeeded you proudly puff out your chests bearing the SMKRA badge. And maybe, you will thank me for clearing your eyes and for providing the situation where unites all of you. Impossible is nothing, because nothing is impossible. Remember, the largest room in the world is the room for improvement. A quote for you to ponder. "Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." William Faulkner.