Every year, I told myself to bring flowers instead. Those white ones I know where they are sold cheapest, down the street where florists sell in bulk. Be it roses, or daisies. Oh yes I should get those white daisies; their petals perfect for the bouquet, green stalks, leaves. It has always been a significant day to remember, yet I told myself everyday is a day to remember because what is eternal stays alive deep inside. And I said, flowers are good because they look pretty in a bouquet sitting quietly on the backseat of the car; with the morning sunshine illuminating droplets of water; be it dew or sprayed droplets, on the plastic sheet, the white petals,the green leaves.
I would have been alone talking; going along without any drawbacks, conversations maybe, and I presume I would be happy to be given the liberty and freedom of so. I would have allowed myself to explore my memory, to expand on things I barely remember, or things I never forget. Or I would have talked of all my problems, troubles, worries; even I know they will not invite any solution. Unilateral may be yielding no reply, but there is effort, and I know that in each inch of effort, is my sincerity and willingness that's what that matters. It had mattered to you of who am I, and I would want myself to live towards that presumption.
So I want to be alone and bring along that bouquet of daisies. They would have been dried and died the next time I come by, or most probably, someone will dump the fresh bouquet before I could even say goodbye.
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memories. Show all posts
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The Memory Palace
1. I'm grateful for the perfect childhood I had, although the teenagehood that follows was horrible and devastating. In the end, those small hours and those lttle wonders, remains.
2. I'm protecting my memory of you that even everything fades away in time, I always will be in love with your memory in me. There will be no other who can replace, nor do I foresee anyone else who I'll meet, be like you.
3. I should think that if you're here, I'd be a different person than who I am today. At least I would have a resevior in me so deep that sometimes I surpress my depression in order to block away those fear I'm dreading to resurface. At least I wouldn't have so many episodes of deprssion where I resort to clinical alternatives to supress them.
4. And at least, I thought I'd have a family to start with in everything I experience; good and tough moments in life.
5. The departure, should I say, is the impact you made which affects the very foundations of my life, even until now. It's so substantial to me that in everything I do, I would flash my thoughts to visualise your presence; what would you say, what would you feel, what you would do... Everything I do thereafter looks so artificial because it's the hollowness I felt in my acheivements; there is always a missing space no one can ever fulfill. The hardship and stress which happens in my teenage life afterwards, the fear I've gone through for most of the time, you have no idea how pathetic it is to go through years like that, but that's the impact it made. It's just that moment of loss, but it's life changing.
'Would you like to remember everything?' Mr. Jakov said.
'Yes'
'To remember is not always a blessing.'
'I would like to remember everything.'
'Then you would need to have a mind palace, to store things in. A palace in your mind.'
'Does it have to be a palace?'
'It would grow to be enormous like a palace,' Mr. Jakov said. 'So it might as well be beautiful.What is the most beautiful room you know, a place you know very well?'
'My mother's room,' Hannibal said.
'Then that's where we will begin,' Mr. Jakov said.
2. I'm protecting my memory of you that even everything fades away in time, I always will be in love with your memory in me. There will be no other who can replace, nor do I foresee anyone else who I'll meet, be like you.
3. I should think that if you're here, I'd be a different person than who I am today. At least I would have a resevior in me so deep that sometimes I surpress my depression in order to block away those fear I'm dreading to resurface. At least I wouldn't have so many episodes of deprssion where I resort to clinical alternatives to supress them.
4. And at least, I thought I'd have a family to start with in everything I experience; good and tough moments in life.
5. The departure, should I say, is the impact you made which affects the very foundations of my life, even until now. It's so substantial to me that in everything I do, I would flash my thoughts to visualise your presence; what would you say, what would you feel, what you would do... Everything I do thereafter looks so artificial because it's the hollowness I felt in my acheivements; there is always a missing space no one can ever fulfill. The hardship and stress which happens in my teenage life afterwards, the fear I've gone through for most of the time, you have no idea how pathetic it is to go through years like that, but that's the impact it made. It's just that moment of loss, but it's life changing.
'Would you like to remember everything?' Mr. Jakov said.
'Yes'
'To remember is not always a blessing.'
'I would like to remember everything.'
'Then you would need to have a mind palace, to store things in. A palace in your mind.'
'Does it have to be a palace?'
'It would grow to be enormous like a palace,' Mr. Jakov said. 'So it might as well be beautiful.What is the most beautiful room you know, a place you know very well?'
'My mother's room,' Hannibal said.
'Then that's where we will begin,' Mr. Jakov said.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
15 Minutes of Love
My neighbourhood stores my life memories. Much of them during vivid times of childhood, those I would never forget in devoid of photos. Living here for 17 years had brought me much to love the place I habitate, for the most important times in my life.
I walk home from the train station, where the sky would be a blend of violet and orange in the horizon, prelude of twilight. It's a small place, quiet and secluded enough from the bustling MRR2 beside, the crazy peak hour traffic. The canopy of trees is shady enough; upon arriving the playground where teenage boys play basketball, their shouts audible from a block away. When I was half their age, the basketball court was the place where a field of grass grows. My neighbours and I ran around, picking up twigs and leaves and digging the ground for insects and worms. Often we roll on the ground and lie across the grass, catching sunrays with our little fingers, squinting as they blind our eyes. When I was five and six, my every evening was carefree and the time for me to be a kid; to fall badly until my knees are covered with blood, to fight with other kids, to envy other kids with pets. Unlike now, where my evenings are filled with bland but important schedules of classes, classes and classes.
When I was six, Mum and Dad wanted to grow a hedge. I was excited, I remembered; following my parents to nurseries to pick the correct breed of plants, selecting soil, helping out with my plastic toy gardening tools under the sun. I often asked how long does it take to let the hedge grow my height, becoming less and less patient when the plants just would not grow taller though I water them every day. Five years later, we moved away for one year after Dad died, and nobody bothered about the hedge. Grief took over and the family was in a mess, and home was not home just, in any sense. Today, 9 years after we moved back, the hedge is as the same height as I am.
It's the same porch, as the one Dad and I shared most of the nights, stargazing. He was obsessed in space, and nurtured me the idea, explaining the Orion to be by practical stargazing, stories about the Big Bang, the galaxy and all. He bought me books, promised me a telescope, which my favorite book about stargazing and space, I still have it with me this very day. I admit being unable to share the passion, simply being lacking of such interest, but I enjoy and cherish every moment of us together; me sitting on top of the car and Dad pointing to the skies. Waking up in 3 in the morning to catch some riddiculous meteor shower, numbing ourselves in the night watching moon eclipse which went in slow motion which took hours. In 2001 NASA launched the Mars Lander along with Orbiter and Ranger to explore Mars' Highlands, he made sure our names were submitted to the database for a CD to be mounted on Mars along with Mars Lander. Those days, no one had internet access and he used that one in his office for the purpose. I never told him having the devoid in passion for space science. When we shifted house, I came across a ring file with lots of articles in it, all about space and stargazing. When I read through the details, it was one full stack of articles form the internet, all from NASA kids. All about learning spcae from the kids perspective. That was when I could not contain myself; I just burst into silent tears.
I live in the city for most of my life; and I love the place here, everything I had set my footprint on leaves happiness and memories; nobody could take them away. In those nights I dream about people I miss, the voices of those who I already forget; it's so real and vivid I hope I could sleep forever to revive the distance. But I always wake up to another day of routine life which forces me to set these things aside. But in that 15 minutes of walk from the train station back to my house, when my ears are stuff with music from my iPod, I am set free. To allow the subconscious to revisit the avenues where I miss the most, where the fondest of memories inhibit, where those who I miss and I love the most.
I walk home from the train station, where the sky would be a blend of violet and orange in the horizon, prelude of twilight. It's a small place, quiet and secluded enough from the bustling MRR2 beside, the crazy peak hour traffic. The canopy of trees is shady enough; upon arriving the playground where teenage boys play basketball, their shouts audible from a block away. When I was half their age, the basketball court was the place where a field of grass grows. My neighbours and I ran around, picking up twigs and leaves and digging the ground for insects and worms. Often we roll on the ground and lie across the grass, catching sunrays with our little fingers, squinting as they blind our eyes. When I was five and six, my every evening was carefree and the time for me to be a kid; to fall badly until my knees are covered with blood, to fight with other kids, to envy other kids with pets. Unlike now, where my evenings are filled with bland but important schedules of classes, classes and classes.
When I was six, Mum and Dad wanted to grow a hedge. I was excited, I remembered; following my parents to nurseries to pick the correct breed of plants, selecting soil, helping out with my plastic toy gardening tools under the sun. I often asked how long does it take to let the hedge grow my height, becoming less and less patient when the plants just would not grow taller though I water them every day. Five years later, we moved away for one year after Dad died, and nobody bothered about the hedge. Grief took over and the family was in a mess, and home was not home just, in any sense. Today, 9 years after we moved back, the hedge is as the same height as I am.
It's the same porch, as the one Dad and I shared most of the nights, stargazing. He was obsessed in space, and nurtured me the idea, explaining the Orion to be by practical stargazing, stories about the Big Bang, the galaxy and all. He bought me books, promised me a telescope, which my favorite book about stargazing and space, I still have it with me this very day. I admit being unable to share the passion, simply being lacking of such interest, but I enjoy and cherish every moment of us together; me sitting on top of the car and Dad pointing to the skies. Waking up in 3 in the morning to catch some riddiculous meteor shower, numbing ourselves in the night watching moon eclipse which went in slow motion which took hours. In 2001 NASA launched the Mars Lander along with Orbiter and Ranger to explore Mars' Highlands, he made sure our names were submitted to the database for a CD to be mounted on Mars along with Mars Lander. Those days, no one had internet access and he used that one in his office for the purpose. I never told him having the devoid in passion for space science. When we shifted house, I came across a ring file with lots of articles in it, all about space and stargazing. When I read through the details, it was one full stack of articles form the internet, all from NASA kids. All about learning spcae from the kids perspective. That was when I could not contain myself; I just burst into silent tears.
I live in the city for most of my life; and I love the place here, everything I had set my footprint on leaves happiness and memories; nobody could take them away. In those nights I dream about people I miss, the voices of those who I already forget; it's so real and vivid I hope I could sleep forever to revive the distance. But I always wake up to another day of routine life which forces me to set these things aside. But in that 15 minutes of walk from the train station back to my house, when my ears are stuff with music from my iPod, I am set free. To allow the subconscious to revisit the avenues where I miss the most, where the fondest of memories inhibit, where those who I miss and I love the most.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Secret Mission
I'd say, I awesome-ly LOVED the talk about the form six bilboard championship. Though mentally exhausted and physically worn, I just feel proud and overwhelmed with satisfaction and success, something I had never felt after the form six bilboard championship.
Let's hope he doesn't see this =P
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
More Than
More than a month ago college life ended, or rather adjourned with the euphoria of the finishing exams. Then life starts to take a bland turn, initially. Now it's sorta routine and it gets increasingly familiar. Random changes spice up the routine before gradually falling back to the regular stupor.
Admitedly I miss college life a lot. I miss my lectures, tutorials, time spent on researching, reading additional articles and reference books. I miss THAT academic part of me, which I believe consists of 70% of me. LOL. Detachment from books make me feel stupid and makes life almost meaningless, TO ME. Perhaps many would regard life interesting besides studying, but it's so me to take my studies seriously. Once bitten twice shy mode applies after Form 6. So as people say, a matter of principle, and mine, sounds like the nerd type of mission statement. Can't be bothered more of what you opine, anyway.
During Wayne Morisson's lecture slightly before exams. I miss my college buds heck.
I know well that things change eventually and indeed they do. Hanging onto some flexible mockery isn't really gonna change my way of thinking, much. Ignorance isn't that blissful afterall, so to say. Being emo is so like duh.
Perhaps to calm my raging mind: Everything in the world breaks.
But memories can be eternal.
Admitedly I miss college life a lot. I miss my lectures, tutorials, time spent on researching, reading additional articles and reference books. I miss THAT academic part of me, which I believe consists of 70% of me. LOL. Detachment from books make me feel stupid and makes life almost meaningless, TO ME. Perhaps many would regard life interesting besides studying, but it's so me to take my studies seriously. Once bitten twice shy mode applies after Form 6. So as people say, a matter of principle, and mine, sounds like the nerd type of mission statement. Can't be bothered more of what you opine, anyway.
During Wayne Morisson's lecture slightly before exams. I miss my college buds heck.
I know well that things change eventually and indeed they do. Hanging onto some flexible mockery isn't really gonna change my way of thinking, much. Ignorance isn't that blissful afterall, so to say. Being emo is so like duh.
Perhaps to calm my raging mind: Everything in the world breaks.
But memories can be eternal.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Bitter Heart
I met up Michelle Irein during her sem break. We launched a makan marathon in Mid Valley while gossipping bout lotsa stuff that we missed after form six. I miss her so much. She sat next to me during form six and was my best classmate. She was always there when stuff happens for bitter or better.
This was when we went for the Olympic Run last year. I was then uglier. Now I'm gorgeous okay? lol, kidding. Anyway we shared lots of memories which turned up laughable and funny when we talked bout them that day. Still bring fondness and they say absence makes the heart grows that way. Agreed.
Michelle is doing Bio Medic. Everyone thought she will end up doing law last time because she kinda loves to 'sut' everybody and it turned out that I am the one doing that instead. Not to say I don't retaliate last time in school. Created quite some dramas behind there, and thinking bout them, just makes me feel I was stupid and childish. Too headstrong, wanted to take every risk without much thought. Funny in a way. Learnt lessons on another. But they told me life is about falling down and picking yourself up ain't? No regrets. =)
I miss those times we sit behind there and gossip during MUET, which kinda pisses Sheila off. And during Chemistry when we sit at the furthest table in lab and placed our asses on two chairs each (I don't know why lol), and took turns to ask 'what time is it?' every five minutes. And the incident of Annie. Dramatic. And like how we 'hut' Liza in Library Board. How she spoke for me when I got mistreated in Chinese Society, being president, aka slave for Tan. Lepaked randomly in KLCC after school. Eating Spicy Pan Mee in Batu Lima every Tuesday where I will head to Piano class after and she will go dating with Navin. Bits and pieces of random stuff. Sweet and funny. =)
I do wish her all the best for her future undertakings. She still remains as one of my closest friends who I appreciate very much in my heart. Do meet in the future. =)
This was when we went for the Olympic Run last year. I was then uglier. Now I'm gorgeous okay? lol, kidding. Anyway we shared lots of memories which turned up laughable and funny when we talked bout them that day. Still bring fondness and they say absence makes the heart grows that way. Agreed.
Michelle is doing Bio Medic. Everyone thought she will end up doing law last time because she kinda loves to 'sut' everybody and it turned out that I am the one doing that instead. Not to say I don't retaliate last time in school. Created quite some dramas behind there, and thinking bout them, just makes me feel I was stupid and childish. Too headstrong, wanted to take every risk without much thought. Funny in a way. Learnt lessons on another. But they told me life is about falling down and picking yourself up ain't? No regrets. =)
I miss those times we sit behind there and gossip during MUET, which kinda pisses Sheila off. And during Chemistry when we sit at the furthest table in lab and placed our asses on two chairs each (I don't know why lol), and took turns to ask 'what time is it?' every five minutes. And the incident of Annie. Dramatic. And like how we 'hut' Liza in Library Board. How she spoke for me when I got mistreated in Chinese Society, being president, aka slave for Tan. Lepaked randomly in KLCC after school. Eating Spicy Pan Mee in Batu Lima every Tuesday where I will head to Piano class after and she will go dating with Navin. Bits and pieces of random stuff. Sweet and funny. =)
I do wish her all the best for her future undertakings. She still remains as one of my closest friends who I appreciate very much in my heart. Do meet in the future. =)
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Once, We Rocked Maxwell
I was having an online conversation with Darryl that day.
Darryl:
We have to plan gathering before everyone shifts.
Me:
Definitely, someone has to plan.
Darryl:
Yeah.
Me:
And who who freaking decides to absent themselves, can await my writ. i am freaking going to sue.
Darryl:
LOL.
Me:
And if nobody plan, you will. Or I will sue you.
Darryl:
Duh. I do not wish to receive any writ form you....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chin Boon Fei is the most useless class monitor I had ever seen in my entire life. XD Dude, you know I am just joking. Eh, but bro, can you just come up with a gathering or some stuff, so that we can meet each other. It has been so long, and I don't even know what the heck most of the class are doing. Maybe someone got married or someone got kids but heh, I want to meet up and talk. Monitor ah, this is your legal duty eh....If you don't plan, I will sue you. LOL.
but seriously, I miss you guys a lot.
I miss morning assembly where we sit on the floor and read.
I miss Bio class where Annie screeches.
I miss Chemistry class where Darryl's name always gets pronounced as diarrhea.
I miss Chinese Society meetings when we all curse the woman in and out.
I miss MUET class where I always got scolded by Sheila.
I miss PA classes where Pushpa always SMSes and calls.
I miss going to the toilet in groups.
I miss skipping class to hanging out in Cekal.
I miss sleeping in class.
I miss eating in class.
I miss spot check where we stuffed our phones to our shoes.
I miss screaming and cracking bad jokes in class.
I miss doing billboard together.
I miss sports day especially cheerleading drama.
I miss planning activities together.
I miss cursing teachers together.
I miss the class. I miss Cekal. I even miss Dinamik and Gemilang. I miss juniors. Bleahhh.....T_T
This is a photo where we took together for Pn. Siow's farewell, one of the most complete class photos I ever have, not mentioning the official class photo in which I looked like crap. Duhhh... Anyway, i had been privileged to be your official camera provider for two years. XD not mentioning being the very syok sendiri leng lui XD
Boon Fei, final warning. No gathering, you jaga-lah.
Darryl:
We have to plan gathering before everyone shifts.
Me:
Definitely, someone has to plan.
Darryl:
Yeah.
Me:
And who who freaking decides to absent themselves, can await my writ. i am freaking going to sue.
Darryl:
LOL.
Me:
And if nobody plan, you will. Or I will sue you.
Darryl:
Duh. I do not wish to receive any writ form you....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chin Boon Fei is the most useless class monitor I had ever seen in my entire life. XD Dude, you know I am just joking. Eh, but bro, can you just come up with a gathering or some stuff, so that we can meet each other. It has been so long, and I don't even know what the heck most of the class are doing. Maybe someone got married or someone got kids but heh, I want to meet up and talk. Monitor ah, this is your legal duty eh....If you don't plan, I will sue you. LOL.
but seriously, I miss you guys a lot.
I miss morning assembly where we sit on the floor and read.
I miss Bio class where Annie screeches.
I miss Chemistry class where Darryl's name always gets pronounced as diarrhea.
I miss Chinese Society meetings when we all curse the woman in and out.
I miss MUET class where I always got scolded by Sheila.
I miss PA classes where Pushpa always SMSes and calls.
I miss going to the toilet in groups.
I miss skipping class to hanging out in Cekal.
I miss sleeping in class.
I miss eating in class.
I miss spot check where we stuffed our phones to our shoes.
I miss screaming and cracking bad jokes in class.
I miss doing billboard together.
I miss sports day especially cheerleading drama.
I miss planning activities together.
I miss cursing teachers together.
I miss the class. I miss Cekal. I even miss Dinamik and Gemilang. I miss juniors. Bleahhh.....T_T
This is a photo where we took together for Pn. Siow's farewell, one of the most complete class photos I ever have, not mentioning the official class photo in which I looked like crap. Duhhh... Anyway, i had been privileged to be your official camera provider for two years. XD not mentioning being the very syok sendiri leng lui XD
Boon Fei, final warning. No gathering, you jaga-lah.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Somebody
After worn and torn form a day of roller-coastering events and rush of emotions, I am here, now, finally relaxed and free.
I place myself in front of the screen, glancing at the clock. It's 1.30am. With everyone asleep, the house is finally quiet. Or rather, way too quiet. I sit in silence, waiting for the page to load, enjoying my moment in solitary joy. All connections to the outside world were closed. My msn was down, my phone died, out of battery.
The only way to break the silence was to listen to some songs in youtube, as I sighed heavily. I ran my fingers to my wet hair, clicking on some long viewed files. There was it, photos, and photos, where they hold those past memories. I stopped by those familiar faces, closed my eyes, and let my mind wander upon some of those fondest moments. If I should have completely shut you down, I cannot assure you that, because you're indeed someone very special to me, even we're already apart. Distance and differences made sure that we're apart. We were both too vulnerable to that challenge,and thus this is the payback we get. You'll always be reserved as somebody special in my life, and whatever you do, you cannot change that fact.
The Hui Ting that once you have known is dead and gone. She has become a better person, and she deserves someone better. Credits goes to you, because you were that trigger.
Thriving Ivory never sounded so emo until now. I brushed my fingers on the screen and looked away. The fan shuffled some papers on the beside table.
You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know
~Thriving Ivory, Angels on The Moon
I got this words from someone's blog: "Can you please let me go because I want to explore and I want the chance to find someone better. Can you just please let go? You're restricting me."
I salute your determination.
*I'm like doing daily posts....Oh my God, I'm sooooo free.
I place myself in front of the screen, glancing at the clock. It's 1.30am. With everyone asleep, the house is finally quiet. Or rather, way too quiet. I sit in silence, waiting for the page to load, enjoying my moment in solitary joy. All connections to the outside world were closed. My msn was down, my phone died, out of battery.
The only way to break the silence was to listen to some songs in youtube, as I sighed heavily. I ran my fingers to my wet hair, clicking on some long viewed files. There was it, photos, and photos, where they hold those past memories. I stopped by those familiar faces, closed my eyes, and let my mind wander upon some of those fondest moments. If I should have completely shut you down, I cannot assure you that, because you're indeed someone very special to me, even we're already apart. Distance and differences made sure that we're apart. We were both too vulnerable to that challenge,and thus this is the payback we get. You'll always be reserved as somebody special in my life, and whatever you do, you cannot change that fact.
The Hui Ting that once you have known is dead and gone. She has become a better person, and she deserves someone better. Credits goes to you, because you were that trigger.
Thriving Ivory never sounded so emo until now. I brushed my fingers on the screen and looked away. The fan shuffled some papers on the beside table.
You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know
~Thriving Ivory, Angels on The Moon
I got this words from someone's blog: "Can you please let me go because I want to explore and I want the chance to find someone better. Can you just please let go? You're restricting me."
I salute your determination.
*I'm like doing daily posts....Oh my God, I'm sooooo free.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Shocking News
Sigh, actually it was already predicted. Around March the results will be out( EVERYBODY SCREAM!) and the marks can't be changed. I was on MSN when Darryl suddenly gave me this piece of news, which was darn shocking and I was like:
WTF? So fast? STPM wheh man!
STPM WHEH!
Not just only me, actually, I am pretty sure everybody is freaking nervous. Sze Yiing was like:
SY: Die lar die lar.
HT: Me too.
SY: My Dad! He's freaking at home during the holidays. I'm dead meat dude!
HT: Oh, he'll understand.
SY: He won't! I wish I can just fly away.
HT: Yeah, like escaping reality.
SY: I am freakingly scared lar...
HT: Oh come on, you already did a great job.
SY: You're wrong. I wasted time.
HT: Me too okay. I don't know what the heck I was doing.
SY: Wasted the one final step to a bright future.
Ht: Sigh...
Si Jia was very confident in this case. Like always, cause she's PREPARED.
HT: Dude, results on 10th.
SJ: Thanks. (like confident only =D)
HT; Dear, I am scared lar.
SJ: Me too. My Maths was like...what the..
HT: Eh, your Maths only. Me is every bloody subject kay?
SJ: Oh come on. You're top student ma.
HT: Oh pur-lease...Since when?
SJ: Since high school?
HT: That was history. Meet Hui Ting the slacker, procrastinator...
SJ: Me too lar.
HT: Don't worry.You're one of the best.
Yoong Sin, my cool dude, was one of a kind.
HT: Bad news dude. STPM on 10th.
YS: *swore*
HT: Chill dude..I am also darn scared.
YS: Eh don't tell me this la. I'm very scared.
HT: Yeah, as if you guys are going back school for results.
YS: Bleedy man...
HT: I know, I'm gonna flunk with flying colours..
I slacked during 2 years of STPM, due too less passion and enthusiasm. No idea why I was like that, I'm like sorta lost all those passion which I had during Form 5. And STPM is way difficult, needs a lot of constant studying and consistent revising. I was too engaged in lots of useless activities in school until I neglected a big part of academic, but I cannot blame co-co, because I should have been better in time management. During Form 6, I flunked badly and did not gave a damn. Thinking back, I had only started serious studying just about a month before STPM. And I had not been well prepared for every single paper. During the exam, I kinda like had minimal confidence, especially Maths, where I had zero knowledge. It's useless to regret now, too late and nothing can be done.
The only only hope I have now is to pray and have faith. May God bless all of us STPM candidates with results which can make us happy. I need loads of praying and blessings, and I definitely need His grace at this very critical moment.
Results will be out on March 10. Everybody, wish me luck, pray for me and if anything goes bad, I shall be taking is as a redemption for my past mistakes. I foremost publicly announce my apologies to any party whom I had offended, humbly requesting your forgiveness.
Very THE scared laaaarrr...
>.<
WTF? So fast? STPM wheh man!
STPM WHEH!
Not just only me, actually, I am pretty sure everybody is freaking nervous. Sze Yiing was like:
SY: Die lar die lar.
HT: Me too.
SY: My Dad! He's freaking at home during the holidays. I'm dead meat dude!
HT: Oh, he'll understand.
SY: He won't! I wish I can just fly away.
HT: Yeah, like escaping reality.
SY: I am freakingly scared lar...
HT: Oh come on, you already did a great job.
SY: You're wrong. I wasted time.
HT: Me too okay. I don't know what the heck I was doing.
SY: Wasted the one final step to a bright future.
Ht: Sigh...
Si Jia was very confident in this case. Like always, cause she's PREPARED.
HT: Dude, results on 10th.
SJ: Thanks. (like confident only =D)
HT; Dear, I am scared lar.
SJ: Me too. My Maths was like...what the..
HT: Eh, your Maths only. Me is every bloody subject kay?
SJ: Oh come on. You're top student ma.
HT: Oh pur-lease...Since when?
SJ: Since high school?
HT: That was history. Meet Hui Ting the slacker, procrastinator...
SJ: Me too lar.
HT: Don't worry.You're one of the best.
Yoong Sin, my cool dude, was one of a kind.
HT: Bad news dude. STPM on 10th.
YS: *swore*
HT: Chill dude..I am also darn scared.
YS: Eh don't tell me this la. I'm very scared.
HT: Yeah, as if you guys are going back school for results.
YS: Bleedy man...
HT: I know, I'm gonna flunk with flying colours..
I slacked during 2 years of STPM, due too less passion and enthusiasm. No idea why I was like that, I'm like sorta lost all those passion which I had during Form 5. And STPM is way difficult, needs a lot of constant studying and consistent revising. I was too engaged in lots of useless activities in school until I neglected a big part of academic, but I cannot blame co-co, because I should have been better in time management. During Form 6, I flunked badly and did not gave a damn. Thinking back, I had only started serious studying just about a month before STPM. And I had not been well prepared for every single paper. During the exam, I kinda like had minimal confidence, especially Maths, where I had zero knowledge. It's useless to regret now, too late and nothing can be done.
The only only hope I have now is to pray and have faith. May God bless all of us STPM candidates with results which can make us happy. I need loads of praying and blessings, and I definitely need His grace at this very critical moment.
Results will be out on March 10. Everybody, wish me luck, pray for me and if anything goes bad, I shall be taking is as a redemption for my past mistakes. I foremost publicly announce my apologies to any party whom I had offended, humbly requesting your forgiveness.
Very THE scared laaaarrr...
>.<
Monday, March 2, 2009
A Tribute
Dear Pn. Salina,
Though you are not with us now, but I'm sure that you had been a great teacher too all of us, and we cherish those moments which now hold as those fondest memories to our hearts. Your presence in our life had indeed been pleasant, as knowing you as our teacher has been one of the most privileged opportunity to us. Although it was just a mere two years, we had indeed appreciated your position as our teacher and to provide us with those motivations, opinions and insights of our academic life. Even you did not really had taught us much, but we still appreciated those lessons you spent with us to motivate and encourage us to pursue and achieve our dreams.
You had been a great person. You're greatly missed and will be in the future. We will mourn and grieve for such a loss in our life.
Rest in peace, Pn.Salina.
The best of 5Sc4. Pn. Salina, you were a cool teacher to us. You are always remembered and cherished. We love you and we will always do. Farewell.
Though you are not with us now, but I'm sure that you had been a great teacher too all of us, and we cherish those moments which now hold as those fondest memories to our hearts. Your presence in our life had indeed been pleasant, as knowing you as our teacher has been one of the most privileged opportunity to us. Although it was just a mere two years, we had indeed appreciated your position as our teacher and to provide us with those motivations, opinions and insights of our academic life. Even you did not really had taught us much, but we still appreciated those lessons you spent with us to motivate and encourage us to pursue and achieve our dreams.
You had been a great person. You're greatly missed and will be in the future. We will mourn and grieve for such a loss in our life.
Rest in peace, Pn.Salina.
The best of 5Sc4. Pn. Salina, you were a cool teacher to us. You are always remembered and cherished. We love you and we will always do. Farewell.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
So Yesterday
I was listening to the radio when Bleeding Love came to the tune. So, kinda reminisced those days when I was banging my head because STPM was around the corner, having study groups all over the place and revising like mad.
Location A: Coffee Bean at Desa Parkcity
Used to have group study before Maths tuition and it would be like 5 or 6 hours of work in a row. Sometimes, upon nervous breakdown, we'll go out for a walk to chill and relax. After too much coffee and air-cond will leave us excited and we'll keep swearing loudly as the tension increases.
Scene: Raining
SP: Walau, a lot man!
HT: Diamlah, like I don't know.
YS: If there's a rain like that after STPM, I wouldn't hesitate to drench myself.
YL: If STPM ever ends. Man, I would have stood and let the rain pour on me.
SP: I would have screamed in the rain.
HT: I don't care. After STPM we would come back here and sit one day here, doing everything, except studying.
Shin Peih and me would plug our MP4 players on and shut down form the outside world. Yoong Sin and Ling likes to complain about the lighting. Too romantic for studies, they say.. LOL
Going there once again after STPM was superb. Just sit and talk. Short and sweet, no books attached. LOL
New Year's eve at Coffee Bean@ DPC.
Location B: Starbucks Kepong
Happens to be the only Starbucks of the perimeter. The next nearest one would be in Jalan Tun Ismail (which is PWTC) or One Utama. Normally we would combine a few tables and poured over books. It started to be a spot when Shin Peih and I group studied Biology. And it expanded to studying Chemistry and even PA. And even Michelle joined us when we were discussing about Inheritance and Genetics. The barista knew us quite well. =P
The very day after STPM, I went there alone to pamper myself a session without studies. So, proven....=D=D=D
Syokked!
Location C: McD
Due to the unlimited refills and comparatively cheaper price, it would be a perfect spot. The only drawback was: too much noise. Usually I would go alone in the mornings and only join a group in the afternoon. Then back during the evenings. So it would be like 4 to 5 refills of coffee every visit.
And too high to sleep and relax when I get home. Bad caffeine. Remember there was once where Zi Qin and I were studying 12 hours non stop of Organic Chemistry. 10 to 10. We almost became saints on that day. XD
no photos though.
Conclusion:
Gone were the days of STPM, and HELLO UNIVERSITY LIFE! STPM is indeed a very tough path to choose. Those who had walked it, I salute your courage. After the exam, I really really missed school life and I wished that I was back in school, fighting for a goal and a purpose. Not just living day by day here waiting for nothing.
Results will be out. Wish me luck eh? =)
Location A: Coffee Bean at Desa Parkcity
Used to have group study before Maths tuition and it would be like 5 or 6 hours of work in a row. Sometimes, upon nervous breakdown, we'll go out for a walk to chill and relax. After too much coffee and air-cond will leave us excited and we'll keep swearing loudly as the tension increases.
Scene: Raining
SP: Walau, a lot man!
HT: Diamlah, like I don't know.
YS: If there's a rain like that after STPM, I wouldn't hesitate to drench myself.
YL: If STPM ever ends. Man, I would have stood and let the rain pour on me.
SP: I would have screamed in the rain.
HT: I don't care. After STPM we would come back here and sit one day here, doing everything, except studying.
Shin Peih and me would plug our MP4 players on and shut down form the outside world. Yoong Sin and Ling likes to complain about the lighting. Too romantic for studies, they say.. LOL
Going there once again after STPM was superb. Just sit and talk. Short and sweet, no books attached. LOL
New Year's eve at Coffee Bean@ DPC.
Location B: Starbucks Kepong
Happens to be the only Starbucks of the perimeter. The next nearest one would be in Jalan Tun Ismail (which is PWTC) or One Utama. Normally we would combine a few tables and poured over books. It started to be a spot when Shin Peih and I group studied Biology. And it expanded to studying Chemistry and even PA. And even Michelle joined us when we were discussing about Inheritance and Genetics. The barista knew us quite well. =P
The very day after STPM, I went there alone to pamper myself a session without studies. So, proven....=D=D=D
Syokked!
Location C: McD
Due to the unlimited refills and comparatively cheaper price, it would be a perfect spot. The only drawback was: too much noise. Usually I would go alone in the mornings and only join a group in the afternoon. Then back during the evenings. So it would be like 4 to 5 refills of coffee every visit.
And too high to sleep and relax when I get home. Bad caffeine. Remember there was once where Zi Qin and I were studying 12 hours non stop of Organic Chemistry. 10 to 10. We almost became saints on that day. XD
no photos though.
Conclusion:
Gone were the days of STPM, and HELLO UNIVERSITY LIFE! STPM is indeed a very tough path to choose. Those who had walked it, I salute your courage. After the exam, I really really missed school life and I wished that I was back in school, fighting for a goal and a purpose. Not just living day by day here waiting for nothing.
Results will be out. Wish me luck eh? =)
Monday, June 2, 2008
Past Tenses made Present
Bloody hell. Time flies.
The last time I remebered, it was just the end of SPM, where we uncorked bottles of sparkling juice and celebrated in the school field.
The last time I remembered, we were sitting inside the stuffy school hall, jolting up in shock during History paper when the electricity went off.
We were taking illegal photos in class, nearly got caught by the Head Girl.
We were dozing away during Pn. Charan's Add Maths.
We were overexcited about the idea of getting punished. And the punishment was, standing extra 10 minutes in the quadrangle.
High school life. You'll never get them again.
And most importantly, there are those people called your classmates, who made the memories so worth treasuring, who made the impact so powerful in your heart. They are the people who shared your joy and tears, underwent every single crazy moment, laughed at the stupidest jokes(even you repeated them for a thousand times), got worried at the slightest reasons.......
Trust me, you'll never find another.
That's all of us in 5Sc4.
These are the people who did the wackiest stuff you have no idea what planet are they from.
For instance...umm
Fern loved to stand on her chair and change after PE.
Meili had the fastest rap. Sean Paul easily beaten.
Jhen boasts the best PA system. When she talks, it was LOUD.
Amirah loves TVXQ like nobody's business.
Liq had the wackiest laughter.
Zi Qin like to fight with Mei Li.
Shyen had the best sleeping skills. Sleep but nobody knows.
Lye is always worried about photos which captured her with the wrong smile, wrong hair, wrong shoes...
Kang Zhi had rollerskates attached to her feet.
Twins are the best citizens. Believe me, they listened in class.
Those short years have already been enough to host some of the best memories in my life. Our friendship is genuine. Something like Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. A bunch of friends who I cannot possibly forget. Eventhough we are heading towards different paths in our lives now, I still believed in them.
U GUYS ROCKS!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Those Days When We Were Young
Suddenly I recalled some of those funny conversations we had in St. Mary's in the past 5 years. Time flies, those friends were here and suddenly they are all gone.
I am not trying to say that I don't have friends now. Friends now are cool but you really cannot get back those times like before.
A scene after St. John meeting.
GIRL : Have anyone saw my mother?
YOONG SIN AND ME:(in unison)Who the HELL is your mother?
GIRL :(looking bewildered): Erm....Puan Deva....
YOONG SIN AND ME:(looking EVEN more bewildered)Cheh! I thought who the hell?
I know, we are both acting very sacarstic but she doesn't have to act that the whole school knew her mum was actually Puan Deva.....Although we were both rude, but, who cares?
Another scene in class
Yoong Sin was teling a joke
KANG ZHI, YOONG LING AND ME: HAHAHA
3 seconds later after the laughter died.....
ZI QIN : hahaha....
KANG ZHI, YOONG LING, YOONG SIN AND ME: ........
Zi Qin, you reaction was so slow! Sinapse did not happen in your neuron huh?
Another one
Someone was telling a real damn funny joke
ZI QIN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA....HAHAHA
3 seconds later
ZI QIN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(this time, tears started to flow from her eyes...)
MEILI: OH MY GOD!! Zi Qin is crying!!!
ZI QIN: Shut up la, Mei Li!
An incident in class
PREFECT: (BELLOWING) 5SC4, YOU ARE TOO NOISY, THIS IS THE LAST WARNING! IF YOU DON'T KEEP QUIET, YOU ARE GOING DOWN TO THE QUADRANGLE TO STAND FOR ANOTHER EXTRA 10 MINUTES!!
CLASS: (obviously not giving a damn)
PREFECT: (patience wearing thin)OKAY! THIS IS IT! TOMORROW YOU ARE GOING DOWN!
ZI QIN: really?
PREFECT: YEAH!
HWEE FERN: HOORAY!! YIPPIE!!
MEI LI: Our first time going down!! finally!!
PREFECT: ..........
I love those old good days too much.....
I am not trying to say that I don't have friends now. Friends now are cool but you really cannot get back those times like before.
A scene after St. John meeting.
GIRL : Have anyone saw my mother?
YOONG SIN AND ME:(in unison)Who the HELL is your mother?
GIRL :(looking bewildered): Erm....Puan Deva....
YOONG SIN AND ME:(looking EVEN more bewildered)Cheh! I thought who the hell?
I know, we are both acting very sacarstic but she doesn't have to act that the whole school knew her mum was actually Puan Deva.....Although we were both rude, but, who cares?
Another scene in class
Yoong Sin was teling a joke
KANG ZHI, YOONG LING AND ME: HAHAHA
3 seconds later after the laughter died.....
ZI QIN : hahaha....
KANG ZHI, YOONG LING, YOONG SIN AND ME: ........
Zi Qin, you reaction was so slow! Sinapse did not happen in your neuron huh?
Another one
Someone was telling a real damn funny joke
ZI QIN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA....HAHAHA
3 seconds later
ZI QIN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(this time, tears started to flow from her eyes...)
MEILI: OH MY GOD!! Zi Qin is crying!!!
ZI QIN: Shut up la, Mei Li!
An incident in class
PREFECT: (BELLOWING) 5SC4, YOU ARE TOO NOISY, THIS IS THE LAST WARNING! IF YOU DON'T KEEP QUIET, YOU ARE GOING DOWN TO THE QUADRANGLE TO STAND FOR ANOTHER EXTRA 10 MINUTES!!
CLASS: (obviously not giving a damn)
PREFECT: (patience wearing thin)OKAY! THIS IS IT! TOMORROW YOU ARE GOING DOWN!
ZI QIN: really?
PREFECT: YEAH!
HWEE FERN: HOORAY!! YIPPIE!!
MEI LI: Our first time going down!! finally!!
PREFECT: ..........
I love those old good days too much.....
Saturday, December 1, 2007
In The Name of My Father
In fondest memories of
HEE CHEU KUAN
Father,
Loyal civil servant,
Great tutor, engineer,
Role model,
Best friend.
人家说, 失去爸爸的孩子, 一定比别人更坚强,更有志气.
是的, 不见得我比任何人来得脆弱.
但人类是富有感情的动物.
有时候, 不外表的感触, 只是收藏在心底的伤痕累累.
不哽咽的哭泣, 是默默的把眼泪, 往肚里吞.
思念本是一种很自私自利的感觉.
我独吞的怀念, 是我一个人的感触.
但我的感触,始终挽不回一个人的存在.
唯有爸爸在我脑海里不朽的回忆, 才能留着他永恒的生命.
我不寂寞.
死去的只不过是一副躯体
活着的是一个曾经存在的力量.
他的精神死不去, 而将永远伴我而行.
As far as I could remember, dad was a great guy.
He loves golf a lot. Still remembering him playing every Sunday morning. I used to make noise from preventing him going so that he can take me to the park. But obviously failed. Dad bought a plastic toy golf set for me once. He taught me how to hold the club, how to swing, how to poise. When he was free, he would empty his golf bag, telling me the numbers on those clubs and what particular situation is suitable for which club. Dad only uses white golf balls. He promised me to teach me the proper way of playing golf when I turn 16. I was 6 that year.
The promise was meant to be broke.
Dad used to take me to the park near our house. I always wished for sunny evenings when he cannot find any excuse not bringing me there. Every time before leaving, we would look up the orange sky. I would then face the brighter part of the sky and try to guess whether it is west or east. When dusk falls, the road back home was lighted by orange street lights, accompanied by the rolling of the wheels of a bike, footsteps of an adult, and an unmistakable laughter.
Dad simply loves classical music. He got us a well enough surround system just for the purpose. He loves Chopin the most above all. I still can remember Vivaldi’s Spring ringing in my ears when I woke up. Sometimes, just to spice up the atmosphere during cooling nights, we would turn on the bulb lights, which emits a dim, romantic glow. I always hated that light. Then we would talk about Debussy and his songs written especially for children, Mozart and his early discovered talent……
When we drove back to Johor for Chinese new year, I would always fight to sit on the passenger seat in front. Then Dad will give me a map, and I will spend my time on the car matching mountains with symbols on the map. Dad always receives projects in Cameron Highlands so we went there often enough. He will tell me different town names as we mount the hill. I can still remember, Lata Iskandar Waterfalls on the foot, then Tanah Rata, then Brinchang……
Dad loves astronomy very much. I was 10 when the government first introduced online services in the government sector. Dad used the company’s computer to get his hands on the news about NASA and astronomy. He reads Einstein, Stephen Hawking, and Issac Assimov. At night, he will bring me to the garden and we will gaze up to the stars. Then, Dad will start pointing and telling me about names of stars, constellations. I rarely pay attention during those days. I just knew about Orion’s belt, the Great Dipper, Sirius and sometimes, by luck, I can spot Mars.
30 November 2000, I knew I would never see him again. On that day, I lost my father, my mentor, my best friend. The world is never fair. They took away a great guy but let thousands of useless people live.
HEE CHEU KUAN
Father,
Loyal civil servant,
Great tutor, engineer,
Role model,
Best friend.
人家说, 失去爸爸的孩子, 一定比别人更坚强,更有志气.
是的, 不见得我比任何人来得脆弱.
但人类是富有感情的动物.
有时候, 不外表的感触, 只是收藏在心底的伤痕累累.
不哽咽的哭泣, 是默默的把眼泪, 往肚里吞.
思念本是一种很自私自利的感觉.
我独吞的怀念, 是我一个人的感触.
但我的感触,始终挽不回一个人的存在.
唯有爸爸在我脑海里不朽的回忆, 才能留着他永恒的生命.
我不寂寞.
死去的只不过是一副躯体
活着的是一个曾经存在的力量.
他的精神死不去, 而将永远伴我而行.
As far as I could remember, dad was a great guy.
He loves golf a lot. Still remembering him playing every Sunday morning. I used to make noise from preventing him going so that he can take me to the park. But obviously failed. Dad bought a plastic toy golf set for me once. He taught me how to hold the club, how to swing, how to poise. When he was free, he would empty his golf bag, telling me the numbers on those clubs and what particular situation is suitable for which club. Dad only uses white golf balls. He promised me to teach me the proper way of playing golf when I turn 16. I was 6 that year.
The promise was meant to be broke.
Dad used to take me to the park near our house. I always wished for sunny evenings when he cannot find any excuse not bringing me there. Every time before leaving, we would look up the orange sky. I would then face the brighter part of the sky and try to guess whether it is west or east. When dusk falls, the road back home was lighted by orange street lights, accompanied by the rolling of the wheels of a bike, footsteps of an adult, and an unmistakable laughter.
Dad simply loves classical music. He got us a well enough surround system just for the purpose. He loves Chopin the most above all. I still can remember Vivaldi’s Spring ringing in my ears when I woke up. Sometimes, just to spice up the atmosphere during cooling nights, we would turn on the bulb lights, which emits a dim, romantic glow. I always hated that light. Then we would talk about Debussy and his songs written especially for children, Mozart and his early discovered talent……
When we drove back to Johor for Chinese new year, I would always fight to sit on the passenger seat in front. Then Dad will give me a map, and I will spend my time on the car matching mountains with symbols on the map. Dad always receives projects in Cameron Highlands so we went there often enough. He will tell me different town names as we mount the hill. I can still remember, Lata Iskandar Waterfalls on the foot, then Tanah Rata, then Brinchang……
Dad loves astronomy very much. I was 10 when the government first introduced online services in the government sector. Dad used the company’s computer to get his hands on the news about NASA and astronomy. He reads Einstein, Stephen Hawking, and Issac Assimov. At night, he will bring me to the garden and we will gaze up to the stars. Then, Dad will start pointing and telling me about names of stars, constellations. I rarely pay attention during those days. I just knew about Orion’s belt, the Great Dipper, Sirius and sometimes, by luck, I can spot Mars.
30 November 2000, I knew I would never see him again. On that day, I lost my father, my mentor, my best friend. The world is never fair. They took away a great guy but let thousands of useless people live.
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