Of Family Ties

Not long after, sis would be flying off to Taiwan and will be spending 7 years abroad for her medical degree. I jokingly told her that by the time she's back, looking for a job locally, I'd become a senior partner in some prestigious law firm. As of now, everyone is busy with life, studies, work; we as a family rarely have time together. Times where I return to an empty house, or waking up to a quiet morning. Times when I don't get to see my siblings because by the time I'm back, they've slept. And also, times where we would resort to big arguments; mum arguing the lack of attention, sis arguing the unfair treatment received among siblings, bro with his issue of not faring well in exams. Point is, we have all our demands. Our demands sometimes overwhelm what we, as a family, are supposed to relax and enjoy. In arguing and reasoning the lack of love and attention, the amount of blame and jealousy placing on our priorities; be it work, studies, love life, ambitions, social networks......, I think we have somehow exaggerated the condition which we are in, in stating how unloved and unwanted we are, how bad it is. It's really not that bad. Family arguments are commonplace and part and parcel of, a family. What matters is that we always forgive each other and move on, bearing in mind that we still love each other and try our best in making each other happier and contented in life.



And I know I can only trust my family 100% but no other, and my family will always protect me like no other; as we have been always sticking through thick and thin, helping each other and reminding us of the mistakes we've done to not repeat, cautioning us of those dangers ahead so that we won't fall into traps. Like how they've been supportive of me when I studied law, and how forgiving they are when I did badly in my STPM, and how proud they've been when I scored. And those, are little things, little expressions that always make my life worth living up to their expectations.

Shreds and Scenes

Every year, I told myself to bring flowers instead. Those white ones I know where they are sold cheapest, down the street where florists sell in bulk. Be it roses, or daisies. Oh yes I should get those white daisies; their petals perfect for the bouquet, green stalks, leaves. It has always been a significant day to remember, yet I told myself everyday is a day to remember because what is eternal stays alive deep inside. And I said, flowers are good because they look pretty in a bouquet sitting quietly on the backseat of the car; with the morning sunshine illuminating droplets of water; be it dew or sprayed droplets, on the plastic sheet, the white petals,the green leaves.

I would have been alone talking; going along without any drawbacks, conversations maybe, and I presume I would be happy to be given the liberty and freedom of so. I would have allowed myself to explore my memory, to expand on things I barely remember, or things I never forget. Or I would have talked of all my problems, troubles, worries; even I know they will not invite any solution. Unilateral may be yielding no reply, but there is effort, and I know that in each inch of effort, is my sincerity and willingness that's what that matters. It had mattered to you of who am I, and I would want myself to live towards that presumption.

So I want to be alone and bring along that bouquet of daisies. They would have been dried and died the next time I come by, or most probably, someone will dump the fresh bouquet before I could even say goodbye.

Just A Quick One...

Leaving this blog of mine derelict for almost a month is of a qualified reason; exams. Yes, the all-time-dread of exams are here, counting down 60 something days (or is it 50 something?). I'm scared to the max bearing in mind a few personal goals I sought to achieve and to believe. Being in juggler mode, of course, is tiring. Balancing work and studies at the same time has proven to be one mission consisting of many sacrifices, enorous effort and military discipline.

After starting to hate myself for being 10 times slackier than last year (yes, I'm honest), I'm now down with slight fever and a major fountain going on in my right nostril. And lecture hall EF which is usually stuffy feels inhumanly freezing today.

Bloody hell.

That's for all, a quick one before I head to bed.
And I'm reminded that I don't really need an iPad 2.

Love Is In The Air!

I'll sing Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble for this Valentines.


For everyone who is celebrating, have fun but be safe!=D

Not Human

After my students have left for the night, I was overwhelmed with fatigue; all I could think of, and what I want, is to yell as loud as I can. My schedule for the month was jam packed with classes and tuition sessions, everyday, not even sparing the weekends. Every night after class, the dizziness hits altogether with tantamount levels of stress. On one hand I'm worried about all my students who are taking PMR and SPM this year, on another I'm worried about my exams which are 3 months away. It's a struggle between both extremes, good grades, and good money.

I do feel bad when I had to reject most of the invitation my friends extended for leisure and entertainment. While others can enjoy the liberty of having fun and enjoying their life, I've to sacrifice the few remaining years of student life to secure an income. I envy my friends who have no worries about money, which their only primary duty is to study, whom their parents could afford to support them. I do question the inequalities, but I do also accept the ugly truth of unfairness of the world. I did not choose to be born poor. But I also know that I should be grateful for there are many others who do not even have the opportunity to work and study. When I'm blessed with both, I should carry them with the mentality of a fighter, and accept challenges as they will shape me into a better person.

Every time when I feel my eyes failing me, when I had to struggle to stay awake because I'm forced to study off working hours, I'm feeding myself the thought that all these difficulties which I go through, is only a temporary phase in life.

I must stand tall to withstand fatigue, slack and procrastination. I must stand strong and allow discipline to impose agony, for when there is pain, there will be motivation, there will be commitment. Pleasure will follow. I'll remind myself the promises I've made to myself, the world, my family, those who I care about present and future.

That because they should deserve better, and I will be the best I can be to ensure that they'll not encounter life as what I had did.

I'm determined that I'm the creator of my own fate and destiny. Circumstances would not hold me down, forces of hardship will not extinguish my energy.

I'm protecting my dreams by fighting for them. I'm in battleground every day, but I'm not afraid, and I know, victory is not as far and fictitious as the world paint it to be.

I'm ensured, and I believe, that success, will be mine one day.


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