In The Name of My Father

In fondest memories of
HEE CHEU KUAN
Father,
Loyal civil servant,
Great tutor, engineer,
Role model,
Best friend.

人家说, 失去爸爸的孩子, 一定比别人更坚强,更有志气.
是的, 不见得我比任何人来得脆弱.
但人类是富有感情的动物.
有时候, 不外表的感触, 只是收藏在心底的伤痕累累.
不哽咽的哭泣, 是默默的把眼泪, 往肚里吞.
思念本是一种很自私自利的感觉.
我独吞的怀念, 是我一个人的感触.
但我的感触,始终挽不回一个人的存在.
唯有爸爸在我脑海里不朽的回忆, 才能留着他永恒的生命.
我不寂寞.
死去的只不过是一副躯体
活着的是一个曾经存在的力量.
他的精神死不去, 而将永远伴我而行.

As far as I could remember, dad was a great guy.
He loves golf a lot. Still remembering him playing every Sunday morning. I used to make noise from preventing him going so that he can take me to the park. But obviously failed. Dad bought a plastic toy golf set for me once. He taught me how to hold the club, how to swing, how to poise. When he was free, he would empty his golf bag, telling me the numbers on those clubs and what particular situation is suitable for which club. Dad only uses white golf balls. He promised me to teach me the proper way of playing golf when I turn 16. I was 6 that year.
The promise was meant to be broke.

Dad used to take me to the park near our house. I always wished for sunny evenings when he cannot find any excuse not bringing me there. Every time before leaving, we would look up the orange sky. I would then face the brighter part of the sky and try to guess whether it is west or east. When dusk falls, the road back home was lighted by orange street lights, accompanied by the rolling of the wheels of a bike, footsteps of an adult, and an unmistakable laughter.

Dad simply loves classical music. He got us a well enough surround system just for the purpose. He loves Chopin the most above all. I still can remember Vivaldi’s Spring ringing in my ears when I woke up. Sometimes, just to spice up the atmosphere during cooling nights, we would turn on the bulb lights, which emits a dim, romantic glow. I always hated that light. Then we would talk about Debussy and his songs written especially for children, Mozart and his early discovered talent……
When we drove back to Johor for Chinese new year, I would always fight to sit on the passenger seat in front. Then Dad will give me a map, and I will spend my time on the car matching mountains with symbols on the map. Dad always receives projects in Cameron Highlands so we went there often enough. He will tell me different town names as we mount the hill. I can still remember, Lata Iskandar Waterfalls on the foot, then Tanah Rata, then Brinchang……

Dad loves astronomy very much. I was 10 when the government first introduced online services in the government sector. Dad used the company’s computer to get his hands on the news about NASA and astronomy. He reads Einstein, Stephen Hawking, and Issac Assimov. At night, he will bring me to the garden and we will gaze up to the stars. Then, Dad will start pointing and telling me about names of stars, constellations. I rarely pay attention during those days. I just knew about Orion’s belt, the Great Dipper, Sirius and sometimes, by luck, I can spot Mars.

30 November 2000, I knew I would never see him again. On that day, I lost my father, my mentor, my best friend. The world is never fair. They took away a great guy but let thousands of useless people live.