Miserable March

The begining of the month of March has already signifying the start of something bad. Not to say that I am pessimistic, but it's already punching my ass inside out. LOL.

I just friggingly HATED my current life.

I just found out that I am really really REALLY not made for Form 6. And I regretted being so adamant with my choice when I took this path after SPM.
I regretted ignoring all those offers to private colleges.
I regretted in believing that I can.
I ACTUALLY CANNOT.

I am struggling all the way in form 6. Because you know why. The course is EXTREMELY difficult and challenging. *phew* And it requires a lot of diligence, consistency, patience and a hell lot of determination to get you to the top. And I am DAMN lazy, stubborn, carefree and make it short, just lost my interest to challenge myself.

Seriously I have changed a lot.

The me those days.
top student
best in a lot of subjects
listen to lessons
pass up homework on time
make an effort to improve
study till late
wont give up
read till understand
fully prepared for exams

The me nowadays
lazy
wont give a damn
disobey teachers
nearly flunked maths
sleep during classes
skipped classes which i hate
never revise anything
easily tempted by tv and pc
give lame excuses

I am not fit to be a doctor.
Doctors are hardworking people, and the making of one also needs diligence.
I do not have the requirement.

I used to be a model student.
I used to set an example for others to follow.
I used to have envious results.
I used to be the one who answer questions.

Now I am not all those anymore.

The straight As are all history.

I don't know what to do. I just want myself back.

i just knew that, I am going to get terrible results for STPM, and my mum is going to go nuts, and all my family members will look one kind at me. And I am going to private U next time.

I should have accepted the offer to study A levels with the tuition fees waived scholarship. At least I could have been clear what am I supposed to do.

I am not like Pei Foong, Chai San, Apichat. They are built for STPM. Some people like me are not.

Too late to regret. There are things that I am not willing to let go no matter how unimportant it seems to everyone else.

Form 6 is definitely an eye opening experience. I have matured more in the process of it. It allows me to see things I have never seen before, experience life that I will never ever forget, pity the pathetic, mourn for the naive.

March is the end of the first semester.
MISERABLE MARCH.