Friday, October 29, 2010

Left Them There To Die

I jogged for one hour this evening. I did the same yesterday. Partly because I'm only free for these two days, no classes, no students, no whatsoever. Partly because I'm lonely and I run to spare time and try hard not to think too much when solitude hits.

Still. Hey, where art thou?


Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Night I Couldn't Sleep

My heart is burning and I just want to say :

1. If you're married, stay fucking away from my friend because she's a girl and you don't play with her feelings and tear her future apart. Have some integrity, would you?

2. If you have a great heart, you will forgive me, and you will not judge me based on what I've done.

3. If I can balance my life, so much so that I can study, produce good results, work and financially support myself; you be proud of having me as a daughter, instead of wanting more and more from me. Don't stop me from being young and burden me with your conservative principles in life. I know they're meant well, but I'm just not that type of person who can sit still. I want to enjoy life and play as much as I can. And why you worry? You think every parent can attend convocation during their kid's first year in college ka?

4. If you are still a friend, please show me who you are to me.

* Disclaimer: All the 'you-s' as above do not refer to a single person. Multiple defendants here XD


On a lighter tone, RAC ATC just held their 3rd Installation Charity Dinner last Saturday. Since coming into office for three months, I've been privilleged to hold responsibility of tasks which I never knew could handle, and in due process, made me a better person, and widened my horizons. The experience is priceless, and though in sacrifice, I've got no regrets=) *Macam president's speech pulak. That Saturday afternoon, 16 of us crashed into my house which is mini sized and occupied the entire living room. I think my maid is still in shock because she had never seen so many noisy people in her life. The highlight of the day is receiving so many incoming calls for directions to Sri Damansara Club until I feel like scolding people. Anyway, it was all over and finally, cliche to say: back to books again=)

Proud to be a part of an awesome crew!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

15 Minutes of Love

My neighbourhood stores my life memories. Much of them during vivid times of childhood, those I would never forget in devoid of photos. Living here for 17 years had brought me much to love the place I habitate, for the most important times in my life.

I walk home from the train station, where the sky would be a blend of violet and orange in the horizon, prelude of twilight. It's a small place, quiet and secluded enough from the bustling MRR2 beside, the crazy peak hour traffic. The canopy of trees is shady enough; upon arriving the playground where teenage boys play basketball, their shouts audible from a block away. When I was half their age, the basketball court was the place where a field of grass grows. My neighbours and I ran around, picking up twigs and leaves and digging the ground for insects and worms. Often we roll on the ground and lie across the grass, catching sunrays with our little fingers, squinting as they blind our eyes. When I was five and six, my every evening was carefree and the time for me to be a kid; to fall badly until my knees are covered with blood, to fight with other kids, to envy other kids with pets. Unlike now, where my evenings are filled with bland but important schedules of classes, classes and classes.

When I was six, Mum and Dad wanted to grow a hedge. I was excited, I remembered; following my parents to nurseries to pick the correct breed of plants, selecting soil, helping out with my plastic toy gardening tools under the sun. I often asked how long does it take to let the hedge grow my height, becoming less and less patient when the plants just would not grow taller though I water them every day. Five years later, we moved away for one year after Dad died, and nobody bothered about the hedge. Grief took over and the family was in a mess, and home was not home just, in any sense. Today, 9 years after we moved back, the hedge is as the same height as I am.

It's the same porch, as the one Dad and I shared most of the nights, stargazing. He was obsessed in space, and nurtured me the idea, explaining the Orion to be by practical stargazing, stories about the Big Bang, the galaxy and all. He bought me books, promised me a telescope, which my favorite book about stargazing and space, I still have it with me this very day. I admit being unable to share the passion, simply being lacking of such interest, but I enjoy and cherish every moment of us together; me sitting on top of the car and Dad pointing to the skies. Waking up in 3 in the morning to catch some riddiculous meteor shower, numbing ourselves in the night watching moon eclipse which went in slow motion which took hours. In 2001 NASA launched the Mars Lander along with Orbiter and Ranger to explore Mars' Highlands, he made sure our names were submitted to the database for a CD to be mounted on Mars along with Mars Lander. Those days, no one had internet access and he used that one in his office for the purpose. I never told him having the devoid in passion for space science. When we shifted house, I came across a ring file with lots of articles in it, all about space and stargazing. When I read through the details, it was one full stack of articles form the internet, all from NASA kids. All about learning spcae from the kids perspective. That was when I could not contain myself; I just burst into silent tears.

I live in the city for most of my life; and I love the place here, everything I had set my footprint on leaves happiness and memories; nobody could take them away. In those nights I dream about people I miss, the voices of those who I already forget; it's so real and vivid I hope I could sleep forever to revive the distance. But I always wake up to another day of routine life which forces me to set these things aside. But in that 15 minutes of walk from the train station back to my house, when my ears are stuff with music from my iPod, I am set free. To allow the subconscious to revisit the avenues where I miss the most, where the fondest of memories inhibit, where those who I miss and I love the most.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Fifth October Two O One O, Twenty One Years

I thank you, my parents, for bringing me into this life. Mum, for raising me up and being by my side for each and every 21 birthdays. My siblings, for growing up with me and sharing life together.
Twins, BFFs, for the guitar clip all the way from Paris. I am touched by the effort of practicing, recording, compiling and sending it over. Not to mention you're only 2 week new to the course.
Chris, ZQ, Kang Zhi, Amirah, Fern. Thanks for the wishes and being my trusted friends since high school. I miss you guys.
Liz, my buddy since 6 years old. From the days of colouring our nails with colour pencils till now: the days we talked over the phone about guys, love, people....everything. Loves.
My high school and Form 6 friends,sending all whishes from different states. Thank you and I miss you guys. Let's gather soon.
My college friends who celebrated the day for me. I'm grateful. Von, Sue Ann: PCG rawksz! Audrey, Soo Wen, thanks for being the best advisers. Bird: thanks for being the birdXD. JJ, Martin, Carrie, KJ, Jun Hon, my bro=) Thank you. For those who wished me, Li Ching, Chai, Corene, Daniel, Matt, thanks and loves.
For those who had wished me expressly, via phone calls, SMSes, Facebook and verbally, whatsoever. Thank you. Especially Pastor, who gave me a shocking surprise.
For those gifts, I love them very much. Special thanks, Daphne, Julius.

Above all, I thank God for blessing me with 21 years of life; a life with moments of great happiness and greater challenges to grow. For everything He had provided me, I truly thank His blessings and pray for continuing days of growing myself in His image.

As if now, I feel like this.

Each candle for each wish. Lotsa love.