24 hours after the release of results, the reality sinks in. What I've got, I realise, is sufficient for the end all of my dreams, perhaps sufficient for most of my peers. But I aimed high and was disappointed, unable to accept things so ordinary. Effort was never minimal on my part, and when what I sow was lesser than that, I felt hopeless, cheated, betrayed. I distracted myself, avoiding my grief by hanging out with friends, getting intoxicated but yet when I was alone, awake and sober, like now, 24 hours later, I'm just another loser who had lost a battle and I have to face defeat like suckerpunch in my face.
The only good thing about my results is that, I passed. Knowing me, I don't want to just pass. Out of rage yesterday I tore off every motivational banner I had on my wall. now they're lying in pieces on my table, exactly, the boulevard of broken dreams. I was packing my notes, ready to give them all away knowing that I do not need them anymore as I am moving on. I can't help but to realise the bulk, the research materials, the effort, all the hardwork and sweat. My pile of articles and notes, essays, scribbled texts, torn books. I remembered those hopes those days, the energy I had, the dreams I believed in. I was so happy then, even though I strained myself senseless trying to comprehend, analyse, argue, and I thought all was for the best, and I will be rewarded in the end. I remembered amidst the mockery, the disbelief, I carried on knowing I am fighting for my better tomorrow.
Now, the enormous pile of paper meant nothing at all, nothing but representing the scarce event of an unfortunate incident where failures do, happen to those who work hard, aimed high, and believed.
Now, you know what I meant by feeling cheated and betrayed. For all the heartbreak, I can't help but to let those tears fall freely to soak those dreamfilled sheets, once, a person who dedicated so much to her dreams had wrote her heart and soul in each letter on those notes.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Friday, August 19, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
In Your Head
On many accounts, doubt often comes into play and I'd find myself on crossroads, to play safe or to make paradigm shifts. Often, I'll choose to mingle and test waters, but within the safe ambit of my comfort zone. Fear plays the most important role in limiting my actions; being that I'm worried of the if-not-s rather than to believe in the positive possibilities.
Anyhow, as I have made resolutions for the new year, I've decided to embrace some of the challenges thrown up front on my face. Bearing in mind the following:
And hence, I'm PE.
Anyhow, as I have made resolutions for the new year, I've decided to embrace some of the challenges thrown up front on my face. Bearing in mind the following:
And hence, I'm PE.
Monday, June 21, 2010
These Good Days
Nothing trades the time well spent with people you love. Two weeks of holidays without seeing those bastards, bring me the first breath of fresh freedom and enjoyment. Though my ideal getaway would be the beach, random meet ups and shopping sprees does the remedy equally well.
1. Went for buffet with the girls.
2. Helped Zi Qin to look for furniture for her future home.
3. Shopped for three consequtive days and emptied my savings account.
4. Went for warehouse sales and almost got into a fight.
5. Went mamak to watch football to get the feel.
6. Pierced my ears again.
7. Watched movies and stuck my face to the TV for Mega Sundays on AXN.
8. Sang k with the guys.
9. Baked with the twins.
10. Finished 4 bags of chips in a night thanks to World Cup.
11. Fell in love with bangles.
12. Went for a day trip of mall hopping with Yen Yuen.
13. Went picnic with high school friends.
14. One heavy dinner consisting of 7 course meals with family.
15. Grandparents came over and went for dimsum.
16. Telan-ed one whole durain@@
*
Working, just give me pains in my ass. Not just I dislike it, I loathe work very much. Probably due to the reason I never liked kids, or working for mum increases the stress one have to cope. Long working hours with unfixed hours, random chores and getting blamed for everything is annoying and discouraging.
Heck I thought I will be enjoying my break which I duly deserve after so many months of hard work and sacrifice for my exams. And how wrong was I. Now I'm praying for holidays to end and my new term to start asap.
Side note to that: I don't work for the sake of money; I work for the sake of interest and satisfaction. I don't work to serve other's belief, I stand on my own principles and deliver my services accordingly. I am worthy of every single piece of respect due to my respect to others. I work in positive light, I see oppurtunity and I am moved my optimism. If I have to pretend and sacrifice everything and have no life in return, I don't see the purpose of giving all in. That's why, I just think this business is a total fucked up plan if you don't have the mentality to sustain pressures and blame everyone for mistakes, refusing advices and hoping for everyone who work for you to be ideal. Cause no one is perfect, and neither am I, or you.
I'm out of this madhouse after July.
1. Went for buffet with the girls.
2. Helped Zi Qin to look for furniture for her future home.
3. Shopped for three consequtive days and emptied my savings account.
4. Went for warehouse sales and almost got into a fight.
5. Went mamak to watch football to get the feel.
6. Pierced my ears again.
7. Watched movies and stuck my face to the TV for Mega Sundays on AXN.
8. Sang k with the guys.
9. Baked with the twins.
10. Finished 4 bags of chips in a night thanks to World Cup.
11. Fell in love with bangles.
12. Went for a day trip of mall hopping with Yen Yuen.
13. Went picnic with high school friends.
14. One heavy dinner consisting of 7 course meals with family.
15. Grandparents came over and went for dimsum.
16. Telan-ed one whole durain@@
*
Working, just give me pains in my ass. Not just I dislike it, I loathe work very much. Probably due to the reason I never liked kids, or working for mum increases the stress one have to cope. Long working hours with unfixed hours, random chores and getting blamed for everything is annoying and discouraging.
Heck I thought I will be enjoying my break which I duly deserve after so many months of hard work and sacrifice for my exams. And how wrong was I. Now I'm praying for holidays to end and my new term to start asap.
Side note to that: I don't work for the sake of money; I work for the sake of interest and satisfaction. I don't work to serve other's belief, I stand on my own principles and deliver my services accordingly. I am worthy of every single piece of respect due to my respect to others. I work in positive light, I see oppurtunity and I am moved my optimism. If I have to pretend and sacrifice everything and have no life in return, I don't see the purpose of giving all in. That's why, I just think this business is a total fucked up plan if you don't have the mentality to sustain pressures and blame everyone for mistakes, refusing advices and hoping for everyone who work for you to be ideal. Cause no one is perfect, and neither am I, or you.
I'm out of this madhouse after July.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Stronger
No regrets of going to this place for law. I have deleted so many entries again and again. In short, I love you: Von, Sue Ann, JJ, Soo Wen, Daniel, Bird, Henry and everyone else who I feel your sincerity. Listening, is great help. At least for my case.
The thing that I've always dreaded happened again. I'm so close in letting myself giving in for little things until I halted myself and STOP!!!! Look at were are you stepping to Hui Ting! Don't ever be sidetracked by insignificant stuff! It's quite a cliche to feel gloomy these days. Happens every other day. If it's not for exam stress it would be nonsensical jealousy, or the dilemma of familial responsibilities, or even PMS, or bitches. I lack energy, I think. I just want to go to bed because I feel tired after crying.
But the Hui Ting I knew is tough, brave and determined. So, if life give me CHALLENGES, so CHALLENGES will make me tougher, make me a fighter, strengthen my willpower, make me a better warrior in the course of life.
"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."
To (whatever challenges including arseholes who have the potential to ruin my willpower) YOU, I'll never GIVE UP, not even in your fucking face of ignorance, not even in adversity, not even in a million years! You dream on and fuck out of my life. I need to be in constant positive energy of motivation, in the atmosphere of belief and encouragement. Not of the attitude of non-appreciation.
I quote Dr Seuss:
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)
Kid, you’ll move mountains!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Wishlist
Turning 20 in minutes....
1. Being one of the top scorers in my LLB course.
2. Get through the first round of the moot competition.
3. Find fun and refuge in music club, a chance to perform.
4. Please my family more.
5. Keep current friends and seek more.
6. Able to continue my diploma in music though limited time.
7. A car.
8. An opportunity to continue my LLB finals or bar in UK.
9. The courage to apologise when I do fault.
10. More time so that I can produce more paintings.
11. More freedom so that I can have life.
12. Better communicating skills.
13. A better smile. =)
14. Beauty XD
15. Thinner and better skin.
16. Prosperity for the family.
17. Time.
18. The confidence to carry out myself as a woman of substance.
19. The persistence of my pledge towards faith and principles.
20. The ability to seek God earnestly and to please Him in life.
I want a cake like this, Sue Ann! =)
1. Being one of the top scorers in my LLB course.
2. Get through the first round of the moot competition.
3. Find fun and refuge in music club, a chance to perform.
4. Please my family more.
5. Keep current friends and seek more.
6. Able to continue my diploma in music though limited time.
7. A car.
8. An opportunity to continue my LLB finals or bar in UK.
9. The courage to apologise when I do fault.
10. More time so that I can produce more paintings.
11. More freedom so that I can have life.
12. Better communicating skills.
13. A better smile. =)
14. Beauty XD
15. Thinner and better skin.
16. Prosperity for the family.
17. Time.
18. The confidence to carry out myself as a woman of substance.
19. The persistence of my pledge towards faith and principles.
20. The ability to seek God earnestly and to please Him in life.
I want a cake like this, Sue Ann! =)
Sunday, September 6, 2009
If I Told A Lie
If I told a lie
Nothing but a little lie
When the angels stopped me with soothing voices
You assured me with intonation
" It's just a simple lie!"
I took your word half knowingly
Assuming the best
Yet I did told a lie
Nothing but a little lie
Which grew bigger
As sour faces and heads turned another way
When the angels told me " Apologise!"
You were firm to your grounds
"Lie! It's you and your life!"
My selfishness took me away
I love life too much than to sacrifice
Yet I did told a lie
A little lie which upsets trust
As friends shake heads in disbelief
When the angels showed me the power of forgiveness
You upturned your nose
" It's their fault they do not accept flaws!"
Ego reigns as pride blew me away
I rather prance in solo
Yet I did told a lie
A genuine lie
As labels of liar stuck on my face
When the angels cleansed my tears with love
You shamed me with disgrace
" It's no turning back! Lie or die!"
I was too used of being lonely and mistrusted
Yet I did told a lie
A liar's lie
As I blamed everyone for not giving me a chance
When the angels were silent
You smirked in delight
" It's you and your life!"
I thought about my lie
Yet I did told a lie
It started with just a little lie
As I regretted for being swallowed in disguise
Then I realise everything was been have as today
If I told a lie.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Poetry to Share
What win I, if I gain the thing I seek?
A dream, a breath, a froth of fleeting joy.
Who buys a minute's mirth to wail a week?
Or sells eternity to get a toy?
For one sweet grape who will the vine destroy?
-The Rape Of Lucrece, Shakespeare
*hui Ting! Do not allow yourself to be tempted by earthly pleasures. Temporary joy rips you off your future. Prioritise according. You can do it!
A dream, a breath, a froth of fleeting joy.
Who buys a minute's mirth to wail a week?
Or sells eternity to get a toy?
For one sweet grape who will the vine destroy?
-The Rape Of Lucrece, Shakespeare
*hui Ting! Do not allow yourself to be tempted by earthly pleasures. Temporary joy rips you off your future. Prioritise according. You can do it!
Monday, April 20, 2009
What I Want in Life
For long I had regard myself as a very ambitious person, maybe my attitude suggests otherwise but I am pretty serious about getting what I want. I work my way to pursue and I pay effort to achieve. I was slightly demotivated by the fact that my STPM results were way below expectations and the circumstances that caused it had left a very displeasing memory in my mind. Upon starting law school, I promised myself that in any way, I will never let myself and people's judgments bring me down. I will prove and I will make my way towards someone honourable in the legal profession.
I read Law of Attraction that day and the question of 'What I want in life?' hit me. I began to think about the desires I lusted. And it came to the conclusion that I want wealth, success and fame. Conclusively, it was definitely a very general picture, and anyway, I pictured my future in my mind, and I thought about this: Life of abundance. Valued with integrity and bliss. Now, it doesn't contrasts must between what I lusted and what I want, just the latter being more realistic and the former being pure greed and vanity. But just how I am going to savour it using different taste buds when one of the outcomes was achieved.
So, to manifest good thoughts, I must be persistent and of confidence and never once doubt. So, yeah. I want to be famous in the legal profession once I hit 26. (Hint: Note that I am now 19, LL.B is three years, make that 22 when I complete. CLP will take one year, and make that 23. Nine months internship would make me 24 when I step to society) I want to drive a Porsche, live in a bungalow, drape and wear branded stuff, dine exclusively, socialise accordingly. I want my family to prosper. I want them to be happy. I want their material needs to be fulfilled. I want my children to afford better education and services. I want my friends to acknowledge my success. I want them to stand as the same class as I am going to be. I want to stay humble and noble and I want to serve society and religion. I want to support the cause of protecting the environment by financial and effort means. Above all, I want my life to be of abundance and succulence of providing the necessity to honour His name.
God will give me what I deserve, I know. If anything happens, it happens for a reason, and all is in His hands. For He will give me a better future. He secure my needs and fulfills my wants. I shall keep faith alive. =) I will keep praying.
You complete me.
I read Law of Attraction that day and the question of 'What I want in life?' hit me. I began to think about the desires I lusted. And it came to the conclusion that I want wealth, success and fame. Conclusively, it was definitely a very general picture, and anyway, I pictured my future in my mind, and I thought about this: Life of abundance. Valued with integrity and bliss. Now, it doesn't contrasts must between what I lusted and what I want, just the latter being more realistic and the former being pure greed and vanity. But just how I am going to savour it using different taste buds when one of the outcomes was achieved.
So, to manifest good thoughts, I must be persistent and of confidence and never once doubt. So, yeah. I want to be famous in the legal profession once I hit 26. (Hint: Note that I am now 19, LL.B is three years, make that 22 when I complete. CLP will take one year, and make that 23. Nine months internship would make me 24 when I step to society) I want to drive a Porsche, live in a bungalow, drape and wear branded stuff, dine exclusively, socialise accordingly. I want my family to prosper. I want them to be happy. I want their material needs to be fulfilled. I want my children to afford better education and services. I want my friends to acknowledge my success. I want them to stand as the same class as I am going to be. I want to stay humble and noble and I want to serve society and religion. I want to support the cause of protecting the environment by financial and effort means. Above all, I want my life to be of abundance and succulence of providing the necessity to honour His name.
God will give me what I deserve, I know. If anything happens, it happens for a reason, and all is in His hands. For He will give me a better future. He secure my needs and fulfills my wants. I shall keep faith alive. =) I will keep praying.
You complete me.
Monday, April 13, 2009
A Purpose in Life
It's 3.30am and I can't believe that I'm blogging. Tomorrow I'm having classes at 10.30 and to avoid the typical KL jam I would have to get up at about seven to get ready and it would be minimal sleep. Gawd~ I'm not tired at all that's why. Hyper, gets the mode on every time I had coffee. Bwlahh..
So the updates and actually the week had been eventful, fulfilling to be precise. Firstly, I've got a letter from Maxwell informing me to go for Prize Giving. And actually when I got the letter I was like: Since when I excelled in Maxwell? Besides skipping classes and arriving late, I had never been good. Moronic days, fooling around and not paying attention. So, yeah I ripped open the letter and I've got the best MUET award for year 2008. Even I personally think that compared to other stuff like the best in Chem, History or stuff, MUET is like: DUH!!! But anyway I'm glad, meaning that at least I'm good at something and it's being recognised. So, yeah~25th April here I come.
Then this is the thing that I'm been very grateful for. Despite being an undergraduate I still somehow can manage to find jobs through this economy crisis. And truly, He had provided me in this sense. I really really cannot believe that actually there are jobs in line for me when I quit one. Always, there will be another job. When I stopped teaching at SSB, I got Desa Jaya 2. When I stopped Desa Jaya 2, I got SSB again. Thank God, truly I'm blessed. And my tuition business had been expanding, meaning lesser socialising time and longer working hours. This month solely from tuition I am able to earn about RM725, which is a lot. LOL.
It's Easter today! Morning, I went to church, service and lunch and everything. Mum actually complained, no scrape that, banned me from attending church. Blawhhh... Devil OT. I told her I'm okay with missing every social event but just, just, I have to go church. I got to attend. It's my responsibility. So, yeah. Tough moment. But I'm sure God will guide me pass, as long as I keep having faith. Pray pray~
After church I am supposed to go for driving lessons but uncle called and complained about the rain, so I was like, crap, one day going to be moulding at home. Mum has gone for a conference or meeting, something like that at Genting so actually I had pretty much freedom. wink~ I texted Pei dear, and we decided to do some shopping at One U since I've got LOADS of money. Ahem~ Shopping was fun, bought clothes form Forever 21, Padini, FOS and cosmetics, one eyeshadow stick. Shopaholics..... No pictures, lazy to take. We saw Choo Yin and she looks phew~leng zhai man.
So randomly decided to text Matt for dinner, mana tau he also darn flexible, say okay. Then, okay okay lor. So since Pei dear haven't officially met my kor, I tried to like, what, get them to know each other more and it turned out a disaster. Stupid~ seems like my skills are very the lousy or is it their problem or mine? oh whatever. Over dinner nobody seems like talking much. This guy looked one kind only when he came, tiredness etched on every line of his face. Upon making decisions also slack, claims that his brain is not working. So what the. Ahem~ sorry. Pei la you know, girls, of course la, having reservations a bit, so. It was like I'm talking all the way through dinner, and everybody was so interested over food, suddenly. I don't know. Had to kick his knee under the table to keep him talking. but anyway, I mean, communication cannot be forced. So, yeah. After eating we talked a bit then he actually talked a lot... Whoa, I never knew about the colourful canvas of his life until just now. But overall, the company was excellent, though I think I had troubled him a lot.
Just now I had Ling to come over and we talked about life and stuff. Truly, I am grateful for such a friend. I am truly blessed in this aspect. We talked and joked a bit. That's where I got to know that i really do cherish her presence in my life, the past, and the present. Later, when everybody is leaving, twins to the North Coast, Pei to the other land, awwwhhh....MISS YOU GUYS! And I was talking to my Maxwell friends over the line and ah, I miss them too at the same time, despite a lot of mistrusts and miscommunications last time. Truly, friends are cool.
Uhmmm...Seriously all I need now is STRENGTH to live life. I had been blessed, I truly do. And one thing, I love God, and I love my family. =)
So the updates and actually the week had been eventful, fulfilling to be precise. Firstly, I've got a letter from Maxwell informing me to go for Prize Giving. And actually when I got the letter I was like: Since when I excelled in Maxwell? Besides skipping classes and arriving late, I had never been good. Moronic days, fooling around and not paying attention. So, yeah I ripped open the letter and I've got the best MUET award for year 2008. Even I personally think that compared to other stuff like the best in Chem, History or stuff, MUET is like: DUH!!! But anyway I'm glad, meaning that at least I'm good at something and it's being recognised. So, yeah~25th April here I come.
Then this is the thing that I'm been very grateful for. Despite being an undergraduate I still somehow can manage to find jobs through this economy crisis. And truly, He had provided me in this sense. I really really cannot believe that actually there are jobs in line for me when I quit one. Always, there will be another job. When I stopped teaching at SSB, I got Desa Jaya 2. When I stopped Desa Jaya 2, I got SSB again. Thank God, truly I'm blessed. And my tuition business had been expanding, meaning lesser socialising time and longer working hours. This month solely from tuition I am able to earn about RM725, which is a lot. LOL.
It's Easter today! Morning, I went to church, service and lunch and everything. Mum actually complained, no scrape that, banned me from attending church. Blawhhh... Devil OT. I told her I'm okay with missing every social event but just, just, I have to go church. I got to attend. It's my responsibility. So, yeah. Tough moment. But I'm sure God will guide me pass, as long as I keep having faith. Pray pray~
After church I am supposed to go for driving lessons but uncle called and complained about the rain, so I was like, crap, one day going to be moulding at home. Mum has gone for a conference or meeting, something like that at Genting so actually I had pretty much freedom. wink~ I texted Pei dear, and we decided to do some shopping at One U since I've got LOADS of money. Ahem~ Shopping was fun, bought clothes form Forever 21, Padini, FOS and cosmetics, one eyeshadow stick. Shopaholics..... No pictures, lazy to take. We saw Choo Yin and she looks phew~leng zhai man.
So randomly decided to text Matt for dinner, mana tau he also darn flexible, say okay. Then, okay okay lor. So since Pei dear haven't officially met my kor, I tried to like, what, get them to know each other more and it turned out a disaster. Stupid~ seems like my skills are very the lousy or is it their problem or mine? oh whatever. Over dinner nobody seems like talking much. This guy looked one kind only when he came, tiredness etched on every line of his face. Upon making decisions also slack, claims that his brain is not working. So what the. Ahem~ sorry. Pei la you know, girls, of course la, having reservations a bit, so. It was like I'm talking all the way through dinner, and everybody was so interested over food, suddenly. I don't know. Had to kick his knee under the table to keep him talking. but anyway, I mean, communication cannot be forced. So, yeah. After eating we talked a bit then he actually talked a lot... Whoa, I never knew about the colourful canvas of his life until just now. But overall, the company was excellent, though I think I had troubled him a lot.
Just now I had Ling to come over and we talked about life and stuff. Truly, I am grateful for such a friend. I am truly blessed in this aspect. We talked and joked a bit. That's where I got to know that i really do cherish her presence in my life, the past, and the present. Later, when everybody is leaving, twins to the North Coast, Pei to the other land, awwwhhh....MISS YOU GUYS! And I was talking to my Maxwell friends over the line and ah, I miss them too at the same time, despite a lot of mistrusts and miscommunications last time. Truly, friends are cool.
Uhmmm...Seriously all I need now is STRENGTH to live life. I had been blessed, I truly do. And one thing, I love God, and I love my family. =)
Monday, March 16, 2009
All in a Day's Work
Day : Today
Mode: Swinging mood (360 degrees)
Morning:
Woke up about 9.30 and felt like sleeping back, but students are going to come for classes at 10am. Groaning and moaning, I kicked all my pillows+plush toys+blanket to the floor and dragged myself to the bathroom. About tuition time those brats haven't arrive yet, so I had to take the trouble to call them and POLITELY remind them tuition classes had started. Wonderful. Dozing off as I taught, mum and bro drove away to Gran's place and left me molding at home. Still pissed, I went to buy lunch and wonderfully the Pan Mee I wanted was finished so I bought Yee Mee a.k.a. rubber band and almost fell after tripping over the divider on the way back.
Afternoon:
Felt better after chatting with von online. The abundance of bad words we used, cool. The vocab, awesome. Well, okay, I admit that it's bad, I had to repent later. Bleaahhh. Anyway, was darn bored and listened to songs but sis screamed over the noise cause I am not supposed to blast the music. Okayyy...mum then told me to scan all her documents and email to her so I was part timing an office lady. Boring and ass getting awfully painful, I called Pei for yumcha at Starbucks.
#1 Starbucks Kepong_interior
#2 Posters
#3 Uh gonna rain....
#4 I was late and kena hentam~ paiseh...
#5 Light on..David Cook hahaha..
The barista was like: oh you guys! How was results? (Last time we studied here very frequently so they kinda like know the going ons), so I was like blurred for a moment, and I replied: sucked... And he was like: okay..
Anyway, back to the photos.
#6 Coffee and ice
#7 Syok sendiri (Eh why la look so fair)
#8 My lovely companion, Ms. Goh. LOL
#9 Artistic crumpled tissue. My technique, splendid. ssness in motion. Bleah..
#10 Hui Ting with burnt leg..
#11 Hui Ting pouted, =.=
Reading this to know what course we're gonna study later.
HT: Actually I agree what your sis said.
PX: Yeah, about job. Do you want to sit nicely in the office with make up? Or to sweat under the sun? Or to wear lab clothes and hold forceps?
HT: I definitely don't want to hold forceps and own a few petri dishes.
PX: Me too. We wanna hold LV, wear Jimmy Choo's, own a few Pradas and clad Tiffany and Co.
HT: That why dear, we don't do sciences.
PX: True, that's why we seek the arts.
#11 Pei's album. Darn stunningly nice man..
Starbucks supports Earth Hour too. Hurray!
Evening:
Tuition was boring enough so I just chucked some bina ayat and strolled around. he kids from daycare were a bit friendly today so I took some random photos.
So good er..being kids. Just play and forget about the future. Childhood, ah~ the fun, the joy and the innocence. Most importantly, carefree life.
Night:
Mood straightaway swung to bad and I started cursing. For details, the conversation is as shown as below and I pratically don't give a freaking damn if everyone sees this, especially you smarty.
Mum : She got 14As, your cousin. SPM.
Aunt A: Wow, that was great. Even my daughter only got 11As last time. (boast lar)
Aunt B: Yeah, your daughter STPM got lar how many.
Mum : You ask her yourself, she also don't dare to tell.
Aunt B: Well...
Me : (pissed but not showing) Ar...actually it's not good.
Aunt A: But last time you were okay what. 10As right, SPM.
Me : Yeah. But this time went worse. Don't know why.
Mum : Yeah lar. Slack.
Me : STPM is difficult weih.
Aunt A: Well, like my daughter, she's a medic student now. All the time scoring.
Aunt B: My daughter also got 14As, yours got 11As right last time.
Aunt A: Because last time can only allow maximum 11 subjects ma.
Me : No lar. Cause she didn't take commerce subjects. The extra 3 is commerce.
Aunt A: Oh. But she also got 11As ma. Still the best in school. The one only.
Mum : See lar. People all can score. I used so much tuition money, you only pass.
Aunt A: Yaloh. Why ar you like that? Last time used to be good.
Mum : You ask her la, why is she like that. Not enthusiastic enough.
Me : No choice lo. Already did, past cannot be changed.
Aunt B: So what you want to study later?
Me : English language.
Aunt B: (like shocked only) Har?! Teacher ar?
Me : (Controlled mode) oh not necessarily.
Mum : Can do journalism. Lecturing.
Aunt A: My daughter medical doctor weih.
And hence the bla bla bla-ness. Yeah yeah your daughter is freaking awesome cause she got like 14 As and yours is like a medical doctor and I am just a English teacher in making. WTF? Cannot even like you aunties just fuck off and get a life and hello for goodness sake get a life? It doesn't matter if your daughter is successful now because it doesn't guarantee later and with your shallow minded asses, maybe I will do better. I will, freakingly succeed in life and let you get down on your knees in future. My mum isn't making noise and yet you're like making noise about your greatness of your kids. Wonderful. Should I like worship her? What the bloody hell lar weih? If you think that money equals to success then you're pretty dumb cause if I'm a illiterate fish monger and I earn like tons of cash I still don't reap success cause I am of zero knowledge. Period. My definition of success is one of a kind. Sorry. Cannot help to be sarcastic. Cause you all are very childish and low. I'm from a different class, very the sorry, not interested to mix with your kind. Bleeahhh...
Sigh, luckily my kor smsed me to chill and did some praying so i'm actually okay and still very the apologetic about swearing. About to go off, working tomorrow in Popular. Sigh...hating work.
Listening to Poker Face once more. Ciaoz~
Mode: Swinging mood (360 degrees)
Morning:
Woke up about 9.30 and felt like sleeping back, but students are going to come for classes at 10am. Groaning and moaning, I kicked all my pillows+plush toys+blanket to the floor and dragged myself to the bathroom. About tuition time those brats haven't arrive yet, so I had to take the trouble to call them and POLITELY remind them tuition classes had started. Wonderful. Dozing off as I taught, mum and bro drove away to Gran's place and left me molding at home. Still pissed, I went to buy lunch and wonderfully the Pan Mee I wanted was finished so I bought Yee Mee a.k.a. rubber band and almost fell after tripping over the divider on the way back.
Afternoon:
Felt better after chatting with von online. The abundance of bad words we used, cool. The vocab, awesome. Well, okay, I admit that it's bad, I had to repent later. Bleaahhh. Anyway, was darn bored and listened to songs but sis screamed over the noise cause I am not supposed to blast the music. Okayyy...mum then told me to scan all her documents and email to her so I was part timing an office lady. Boring and ass getting awfully painful, I called Pei for yumcha at Starbucks.
#1 Starbucks Kepong_interior
#2 Posters
#3 Uh gonna rain....
#4 I was late and kena hentam~ paiseh...
#5 Light on..David Cook hahaha..
The barista was like: oh you guys! How was results? (Last time we studied here very frequently so they kinda like know the going ons), so I was like blurred for a moment, and I replied: sucked... And he was like: okay..
Anyway, back to the photos.
#6 Coffee and ice
#7 Syok sendiri (Eh why la look so fair)
#8 My lovely companion, Ms. Goh. LOL
#9 Artistic crumpled tissue. My technique, splendid. ssness in motion. Bleah..
#10 Hui Ting with burnt leg..
#11 Hui Ting pouted, =.=
Reading this to know what course we're gonna study later.
HT: Actually I agree what your sis said.
PX: Yeah, about job. Do you want to sit nicely in the office with make up? Or to sweat under the sun? Or to wear lab clothes and hold forceps?
HT: I definitely don't want to hold forceps and own a few petri dishes.
PX: Me too. We wanna hold LV, wear Jimmy Choo's, own a few Pradas and clad Tiffany and Co.
HT: That why dear, we don't do sciences.
PX: True, that's why we seek the arts.
#11 Pei's album. Darn stunningly nice man..
Starbucks supports Earth Hour too. Hurray!
Evening:
Tuition was boring enough so I just chucked some bina ayat and strolled around. he kids from daycare were a bit friendly today so I took some random photos.
So good er..being kids. Just play and forget about the future. Childhood, ah~ the fun, the joy and the innocence. Most importantly, carefree life.
Night:
Mood straightaway swung to bad and I started cursing. For details, the conversation is as shown as below and I pratically don't give a freaking damn if everyone sees this, especially you smarty.
Mum : She got 14As, your cousin. SPM.
Aunt A: Wow, that was great. Even my daughter only got 11As last time. (boast lar)
Aunt B: Yeah, your daughter STPM got lar how many.
Mum : You ask her yourself, she also don't dare to tell.
Aunt B: Well...
Me : (pissed but not showing) Ar...actually it's not good.
Aunt A: But last time you were okay what. 10As right, SPM.
Me : Yeah. But this time went worse. Don't know why.
Mum : Yeah lar. Slack.
Me : STPM is difficult weih.
Aunt A: Well, like my daughter, she's a medic student now. All the time scoring.
Aunt B: My daughter also got 14As, yours got 11As right last time.
Aunt A: Because last time can only allow maximum 11 subjects ma.
Me : No lar. Cause she didn't take commerce subjects. The extra 3 is commerce.
Aunt A: Oh. But she also got 11As ma. Still the best in school. The one only.
Mum : See lar. People all can score. I used so much tuition money, you only pass.
Aunt A: Yaloh. Why ar you like that? Last time used to be good.
Mum : You ask her la, why is she like that. Not enthusiastic enough.
Me : No choice lo. Already did, past cannot be changed.
Aunt B: So what you want to study later?
Me : English language.
Aunt B: (like shocked only) Har?! Teacher ar?
Me : (Controlled mode) oh not necessarily.
Mum : Can do journalism. Lecturing.
Aunt A: My daughter medical doctor weih.
And hence the bla bla bla-ness. Yeah yeah your daughter is freaking awesome cause she got like 14 As and yours is like a medical doctor and I am just a English teacher in making. WTF? Cannot even like you aunties just fuck off and get a life and hello for goodness sake get a life? It doesn't matter if your daughter is successful now because it doesn't guarantee later and with your shallow minded asses, maybe I will do better. I will, freakingly succeed in life and let you get down on your knees in future. My mum isn't making noise and yet you're like making noise about your greatness of your kids. Wonderful. Should I like worship her? What the bloody hell lar weih? If you think that money equals to success then you're pretty dumb cause if I'm a illiterate fish monger and I earn like tons of cash I still don't reap success cause I am of zero knowledge. Period. My definition of success is one of a kind. Sorry. Cannot help to be sarcastic. Cause you all are very childish and low. I'm from a different class, very the sorry, not interested to mix with your kind. Bleeahhh...
Sigh, luckily my kor smsed me to chill and did some praying so i'm actually okay and still very the apologetic about swearing. About to go off, working tomorrow in Popular. Sigh...hating work.
Listening to Poker Face once more. Ciaoz~
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Prima Donna
I took option to disregard the consistency of pessimist remarks that others took into assumption, in my opinion, such cynical tags are unworthy my slightest attention. Norm as it seems, this minute plunge, and I shall believe, would be encountered and balanced with a soar during the very lowest point. Remaining my will with surges of gallant positivity, I believe should do me the strength to proceed with my climb towards a better intended future, and God-willing, with unremitting support from intimate friends and family members, I do experience such blessing with all my soul, grateful for the canopy of shield and shelter He provides, I humbly receive with bended knees. The retrospective perspective in which I hold, fundamented with sole disregard of sudden failure, has invited myself a savannah of shriveled hopes and bare clearings of portrayed future in my mind. Restless as it seems, I found myself lost in the perplexed and intricate maze, built of hedges of thorny influences of peer pressure and grounds of sleeping sorrow. However tough is was, closure seeps in, as God removes my agony, by providing my life with the abundance of support, as they resuscitate my drowned hopes with the lifebuoy of strength and encouragement. Every concern you extend, my friends, I accept whole-heartedly, be it profuse or thrifty of your own discernment. I had made up my mind that, regardless general believe that this course I opt holds bleak and almost sparse future, which I am going to pursue a degree in language and linguistics, subtly following where my heart points directions to. Afterall, man’s pursuit of success has always been subjective and it beholds in one’s sole discernment. Pray for me. As I will do the similar to you. Finally, excuse me for my inavailability to express this passage with succinctness, as I believe the gallant power in succulence of language in penmanship. I do seek forgiveness humbly supposing my employment of written representation had resulted in offense from audiences of the world wide web, whether intentional or the contrary.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
I Appreciated It
Sometimes it's extremely frustrating when it comes to thinking about people. Say, a close group of friends of mine all possess diverged and very dissimilar characters and personalities.
Sometimes I totally disagree with what they say. Sometimes I agree. Sometimes when they say about things that totally contrast mine, I will just keep quiet. But it doesn't mean that they are not close friends. We may hurt each others feelings without realising but we still ended up as super best friends. And by shutting up at correct places shows critical thinking and respect, in my opinion.
Over the years, I have get to know different people from different backgrounds. Still, the same people remains as best friends. As Shakespeare said: Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. People often regard that if they share common interests, they can become great friends. If two people have common behaviour, they can be compatible couples. But it is also generally known that people are in one together because of the tolerance to suit each others' needs and characters.
We all stand on the same ground, but we're different from the roots.
Why I am saying this is because...(taking deep breaths), I, like any people in this world, trust that no man is an island, and to say, I have a few friends who I regard as best friends. However, over the years of separation, I realised that some bits of the puzzle started to become unfit. There will be times that I think that I don't understand them at all. Sometimes I too think that they do not understand me as well. And most of the times I prefer to be left alone, simply pondering why this friendship is not that intimate as before. And as I boasted about knowing them the best, I suddenly realised that I actually knew them the least. About interests and stuff, well, of course I know, but speaking upon their mind, I found myself lost in trying my best to understand, and even trust.
I am not saying that this is their problem, and actually it's not even theirs, because I am the one having the problem that no best friend in the world had ever experienced it. Gone are the days of talking about everything to anything. And come are the times where I struggled about deciding whether to tell them about a certain topic, worrying about whether they will think in a different perspective...
Like for instance a conversation we had recently:
Me: The problem is he's poor.
YS: So if he's rich you'll accept him.
Me: Yeah, probably.
YS: (stunned) Can you not be so foolish?
"Shoulda been better", you said.
Well, it's not saying that I am not open to criticisms and advice. If I did something wrong obviously I am willing to change for the better. But upon some topics, I believe that we hold different perspectives and hence when these things happen, and for a reason, we have to be wide open to all opinions, right? I stated about liking rich guys so what? Some people fall for good looking ones, some fall for smart ones, some like those gentlemen who will give roses or rubbish...The point is, we have different points of view because we are form different backgrounds. And if we doesn't share the same doesn't make me an IQ lower than anyone else. At first I was greatly insulted but of course I shut up because they were my friends. And speaking about that do you think I will go and wag my ass in front of some rich guy who owns a firm and drives a Ferrari. Obviously I am not that cheap and obviously somebody THAT rich could have afforded a better girl. And I am saying rich by means of providing basic needs and of course ample entertainment and material comfort. Obviously if I were to choose a partner for life I would have chosen one who can support me. Not vice versa.
Maybe Michelle's words were more comforting.
MI: Eh, really ar..Poor...cannot.
Me: That's why. And now's not the time. Plus he's not my type.
When words she said suited your taste, is she your friend who agrees? Or your foe who agrees while in her heart distastes?
A lot of incidents have happened, including about SP. Well, not saying more here. But I just want to say that, SP is also one of my best friends. I have told her a lot of things that I've never told anyone else, due to the fact I knew people will think of me as cheap, sensitive, and self centered. Therefore I chose to tell someone who have similar experiences as I did. I have to say that, I have my insecurities when dealing with stuff, hence I choose my words and listeners. It doesn't mean that I do not trust you, it is just because I am the type of human who do not like people to have hidden feelings, and hide them because of not to hurt someone they love. I just want to say that you guys are my best friends and I love you equally.
If we have same experiences, should we detest those who have not got the chance?
PS: Guys you know who am I referring to. I know my attitude is a bit suckly these days but I just want you all to know that no matter what happens we will still be best friends forever. But you need to understand that we're different biologically and physiologically, and the diverging opinions should not be resulting in mistrust and misunderstandings, but rather tolerance and respect. And I owe you guys an apology.
SORRAY~
One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss,but in the number of things they need no longer mention.
Clifton Fadiman
Let's hope this is not one of the topics we later discuss.
Sometimes I totally disagree with what they say. Sometimes I agree. Sometimes when they say about things that totally contrast mine, I will just keep quiet. But it doesn't mean that they are not close friends. We may hurt each others feelings without realising but we still ended up as super best friends. And by shutting up at correct places shows critical thinking and respect, in my opinion.
Over the years, I have get to know different people from different backgrounds. Still, the same people remains as best friends. As Shakespeare said: Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. People often regard that if they share common interests, they can become great friends. If two people have common behaviour, they can be compatible couples. But it is also generally known that people are in one together because of the tolerance to suit each others' needs and characters.
We all stand on the same ground, but we're different from the roots.
Why I am saying this is because...(taking deep breaths), I, like any people in this world, trust that no man is an island, and to say, I have a few friends who I regard as best friends. However, over the years of separation, I realised that some bits of the puzzle started to become unfit. There will be times that I think that I don't understand them at all. Sometimes I too think that they do not understand me as well. And most of the times I prefer to be left alone, simply pondering why this friendship is not that intimate as before. And as I boasted about knowing them the best, I suddenly realised that I actually knew them the least. About interests and stuff, well, of course I know, but speaking upon their mind, I found myself lost in trying my best to understand, and even trust.
I am not saying that this is their problem, and actually it's not even theirs, because I am the one having the problem that no best friend in the world had ever experienced it. Gone are the days of talking about everything to anything. And come are the times where I struggled about deciding whether to tell them about a certain topic, worrying about whether they will think in a different perspective...
Like for instance a conversation we had recently:
Me: The problem is he's poor.
YS: So if he's rich you'll accept him.
Me: Yeah, probably.
YS: (stunned) Can you not be so foolish?
"Shoulda been better", you said.
Well, it's not saying that I am not open to criticisms and advice. If I did something wrong obviously I am willing to change for the better. But upon some topics, I believe that we hold different perspectives and hence when these things happen, and for a reason, we have to be wide open to all opinions, right? I stated about liking rich guys so what? Some people fall for good looking ones, some fall for smart ones, some like those gentlemen who will give roses or rubbish...The point is, we have different points of view because we are form different backgrounds. And if we doesn't share the same doesn't make me an IQ lower than anyone else. At first I was greatly insulted but of course I shut up because they were my friends. And speaking about that do you think I will go and wag my ass in front of some rich guy who owns a firm and drives a Ferrari. Obviously I am not that cheap and obviously somebody THAT rich could have afforded a better girl. And I am saying rich by means of providing basic needs and of course ample entertainment and material comfort. Obviously if I were to choose a partner for life I would have chosen one who can support me. Not vice versa.
Maybe Michelle's words were more comforting.
MI: Eh, really ar..Poor...cannot.
Me: That's why. And now's not the time. Plus he's not my type.
When words she said suited your taste, is she your friend who agrees? Or your foe who agrees while in her heart distastes?
A lot of incidents have happened, including about SP. Well, not saying more here. But I just want to say that, SP is also one of my best friends. I have told her a lot of things that I've never told anyone else, due to the fact I knew people will think of me as cheap, sensitive, and self centered. Therefore I chose to tell someone who have similar experiences as I did. I have to say that, I have my insecurities when dealing with stuff, hence I choose my words and listeners. It doesn't mean that I do not trust you, it is just because I am the type of human who do not like people to have hidden feelings, and hide them because of not to hurt someone they love. I just want to say that you guys are my best friends and I love you equally.
If we have same experiences, should we detest those who have not got the chance?
PS: Guys you know who am I referring to. I know my attitude is a bit suckly these days but I just want you all to know that no matter what happens we will still be best friends forever. But you need to understand that we're different biologically and physiologically, and the diverging opinions should not be resulting in mistrust and misunderstandings, but rather tolerance and respect. And I owe you guys an apology.
SORRAY~
One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss,but in the number of things they need no longer mention.
Clifton Fadiman
Let's hope this is not one of the topics we later discuss.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Guilt and Greatness
Everyone dreads results day. And for the ever first time in my life, I was so worried about it to the extend I had nightmares about people getting raped and robbed. Scary huh... I knew I had not prepared well and I had not performed well enough.
It was: Shocking, Upsetting, Confusing, Killing, Extra-ordinarily Devastating.
In short, it SUCKED.
To worsen things, sis got the first in her class.
Mum talked about it for about two weeks.
So I was forced to swallow the news and kept quiet for another few days. And finally, I could not stand it. The emotional stress was so pushing, so on one fine day, I rehearsed for a few minutes, took a long breath, and called mum.
Me : I have something to tell.
Mum: What?
Me : Well...
Mum: Later, I am driving.
(phone slams)
So, imagine it when she came home and I talked about it. Imagine people yelling, doors slamming, swearing.......
Honestly, I was so guilty, I cannot even sleep well.
So, I had to put up with military style studying. Honestly, it was so difficult. I am about to give up several times, but I just knew I can't. It's already July. About 3 months for me to catch up with things I had lost. I had to sacrifice lots of things, including things I enjoy and normally do.
I have to do well in STPM. I have to get good grades, get into university, secure a seat in a better course to enable a better future.
A glimpse of my military training base. A mass of papers, notes, diagrams, charts, stationery... My effort is going to determine my destiny.
YEAH! HUITING, MAN, YOU CAN DO IT!!
My all time favorite motivator lay supportively on the chair.
Share something with you bloggers:
I will live by my own policies.
I will sleep with a clear conscience.
I will sleep in peace.
'Emperor's New Clothes', Sinead O'Connor
It was: Shocking, Upsetting, Confusing, Killing, Extra-ordinarily Devastating.
In short, it SUCKED.
To worsen things, sis got the first in her class.
Mum talked about it for about two weeks.
So I was forced to swallow the news and kept quiet for another few days. And finally, I could not stand it. The emotional stress was so pushing, so on one fine day, I rehearsed for a few minutes, took a long breath, and called mum.
Me : I have something to tell.
Mum: What?
Me : Well...
Mum: Later, I am driving.
(phone slams)
So, imagine it when she came home and I talked about it. Imagine people yelling, doors slamming, swearing.......
Honestly, I was so guilty, I cannot even sleep well.
So, I had to put up with military style studying. Honestly, it was so difficult. I am about to give up several times, but I just knew I can't. It's already July. About 3 months for me to catch up with things I had lost. I had to sacrifice lots of things, including things I enjoy and normally do.
I have to do well in STPM. I have to get good grades, get into university, secure a seat in a better course to enable a better future.
A glimpse of my military training base. A mass of papers, notes, diagrams, charts, stationery... My effort is going to determine my destiny.
YEAH! HUITING, MAN, YOU CAN DO IT!!
My all time favorite motivator lay supportively on the chair.
Share something with you bloggers:
I will live by my own policies.
I will sleep with a clear conscience.
I will sleep in peace.
'Emperor's New Clothes', Sinead O'Connor
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Rendezvous
Today, Pizza Hut in Kepong had a chaotic day, because we were there.
Hohohoho...After 2 years since graduation, the best friends in my life from Sc4 gathered in Pizza Hut(initially we wanted to go Shogun), and tell you, I had one of the best moments in my life.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
As usual, everybody was late.
Jhen's excuse was, she can't find Amirah's place because she can't find the small signboard of Taman Pinggir Templer under the large signboard of Taman Puncak Templer. And Shyen was stuck in KTM for hours.
And the funny thing was, Liq thought the gathering is on another week.
Then, dunno why Zi Qin desperately wanted to order food and kept making noise. Meili said her stomach was making even more noise.
And we knew that Jhen Pei had a very tough time in her uni. So, ADD OIL, JHEN!! Zi Qin and Mei Li never stopped fighting. haiz...as usual...And eventually the topic shifted to funny things, where everybody laughed like HAHAHAHAHAHA....and the kid from the next table kept looking at our direction, which obviously nobody bothered.
Mei Li and Zi Qin quarrelling over something: photography technique.
Oh yeah, Fern and Shyen had started new relationships. And Jhen Pei was like more girlish than before. Amirah's mom kept telling her to dress up more girlish a bit, and Amirah said: 'not enough girlish already meh?' haha....
It was really a pleasant gathering. I am very happy to meet them. It takes off my mind of those things that happened in the week.
PS: The Pizza Hut staff was happy to see us leave.
GONNA MISS YOU GUYS EVEN MORE...
from left. Me, Amirah, Fern, Zi Qin, Jhen, Shyen, Mei Li
Hohohoho...After 2 years since graduation, the best friends in my life from Sc4 gathered in Pizza Hut(initially we wanted to go Shogun), and tell you, I had one of the best moments in my life.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
As usual, everybody was late.
Jhen's excuse was, she can't find Amirah's place because she can't find the small signboard of Taman Pinggir Templer under the large signboard of Taman Puncak Templer. And Shyen was stuck in KTM for hours.
And the funny thing was, Liq thought the gathering is on another week.
Then, dunno why Zi Qin desperately wanted to order food and kept making noise. Meili said her stomach was making even more noise.
And we knew that Jhen Pei had a very tough time in her uni. So, ADD OIL, JHEN!! Zi Qin and Mei Li never stopped fighting. haiz...as usual...And eventually the topic shifted to funny things, where everybody laughed like HAHAHAHAHAHA....and the kid from the next table kept looking at our direction, which obviously nobody bothered.
Mei Li and Zi Qin quarrelling over something: photography technique.
Oh yeah, Fern and Shyen had started new relationships. And Jhen Pei was like more girlish than before. Amirah's mom kept telling her to dress up more girlish a bit, and Amirah said: 'not enough girlish already meh?' haha....
It was really a pleasant gathering. I am very happy to meet them. It takes off my mind of those things that happened in the week.
PS: The Pizza Hut staff was happy to see us leave.
GONNA MISS YOU GUYS EVEN MORE...
from left. Me, Amirah, Fern, Zi Qin, Jhen, Shyen, Mei Li
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The Pending Peace
Shin Peih taught me this.
When you are angry, countdown from 100, then you will feel better.
Okay, 100,99,98,97,96,95.....
The teacher banged her fists on the table while talking to me, as if I never contributed anything to the Chinese Society.
89,88,87,86,85....
I am the president, yet I am facing difficulties with issues like cooperation within members.
73,72,71,70,69.....
Everyone gave me reasons like they want to study, focus on their studies. As if I do not need to. They are so selfish. I cannot even make them move.
54,53,52....
They are also my friends. Sometimes, I have to take things personally. Because, not everyone in the whole world can understand that I do things with clear division between friends and team members. They get offended easily.
43,42,41,40...
When I scolded them, they get offended. If I do not do so, they get too relaxed. When things are successful, I thank them and everyone shared the victory. If things get undone, I get the blame.
36.35.34....
They did not even think that they can lighten my burden. They were so blinded by the sole aim to excel in studies. but they failed to think about the holistic aspect of the true meaning of education.
29,28,27,26...
When I shouted at them, I do not wish to do so. but I had no choice. But even if I shouted, things will never be different. They will go back to their so called comfortable lifestyle, and the only difference is, they will hate me.
19,18,17...
They talked bad behind me. I know. but I don't care.
13,12,11,10...
I realised that i am surrounded by self centered people. They were brought up that way. I can't change them.
5,4,3...
Just forget about it.
2,1.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Hoping so.
When you are angry, countdown from 100, then you will feel better.
Okay, 100,99,98,97,96,95.....
The teacher banged her fists on the table while talking to me, as if I never contributed anything to the Chinese Society.
89,88,87,86,85....
I am the president, yet I am facing difficulties with issues like cooperation within members.
73,72,71,70,69.....
Everyone gave me reasons like they want to study, focus on their studies. As if I do not need to. They are so selfish. I cannot even make them move.
54,53,52....
They are also my friends. Sometimes, I have to take things personally. Because, not everyone in the whole world can understand that I do things with clear division between friends and team members. They get offended easily.
43,42,41,40...
When I scolded them, they get offended. If I do not do so, they get too relaxed. When things are successful, I thank them and everyone shared the victory. If things get undone, I get the blame.
36.35.34....
They did not even think that they can lighten my burden. They were so blinded by the sole aim to excel in studies. but they failed to think about the holistic aspect of the true meaning of education.
29,28,27,26...
When I shouted at them, I do not wish to do so. but I had no choice. But even if I shouted, things will never be different. They will go back to their so called comfortable lifestyle, and the only difference is, they will hate me.
19,18,17...
They talked bad behind me. I know. but I don't care.
13,12,11,10...
I realised that i am surrounded by self centered people. They were brought up that way. I can't change them.
5,4,3...
Just forget about it.
2,1.
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Hoping so.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
14 Days of Grace
Time flies(sadly, fast). It's the finale to the amazing 14-day Mid Term Holidays. Suddenly, feel like singing Nelly Furtado's 'All Good Things(Come to an End). Sighs...
Back to the sombre life of waking up at 6am and dragging my torn schoolbag to the bus stop.
Highlights of the Ultimate Things I Have Done During The Holidays
1. Earned money.
And spent them 'wisely'.
Look at the balance of my account. A wonderful RM4.80.
2. Drew a NIE poster.
If I win this, I can win a trip to Hong Kong Disneyland. But with this lousy poster.....probably in my dreams.
3. Tidied up my study.
well, not quite...
4. Downloaded loads of new songs.
But failed to practice my piano.
About to sit for exams leh....sob sob...
5. Learnt how to make dumpling.
In the fridge because nobody wanted to eat. Hey, not to say it tasted bad. We had too much.
6. Painted Gregory the crab and his sidekick, Ben.
7. Watched Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull.
Not bad huh. Considered meaningful.
Now where is that calender? I am going to check when is the next holidays.
Back to the sombre life of waking up at 6am and dragging my torn schoolbag to the bus stop.
Highlights of the Ultimate Things I Have Done During The Holidays
1. Earned money.
And spent them 'wisely'.
Look at the balance of my account. A wonderful RM4.80.
2. Drew a NIE poster.
If I win this, I can win a trip to Hong Kong Disneyland. But with this lousy poster.....probably in my dreams.
3. Tidied up my study.
well, not quite...
4. Downloaded loads of new songs.
But failed to practice my piano.
About to sit for exams leh....sob sob...
5. Learnt how to make dumpling.
In the fridge because nobody wanted to eat. Hey, not to say it tasted bad. We had too much.
6. Painted Gregory the crab and his sidekick, Ben.
7. Watched Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull.
Not bad huh. Considered meaningful.
Now where is that calender? I am going to check when is the next holidays.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Our Version of Gossip Girl
You know what? You live in a world that you have to guess and guess. You have to think for answers. You have to ask and feel curious. You have to be prepared to possess info or to pass info.
You know what?
You know nothing yet everything.
It's Gossip Girl live. Period.
Story A
Guy C just broke up with Girl A. Girl A is someone outside the school. Co-incidentally Girl K entered school. Newcomer. And it happens so coincidentally that Girl K is Guy C's ex. And Guy C thought that nobody knew about it. Which is greatly wrong, because in fact, Girl H, a previous classmate of Girl K, already knew about this, and broadcasted the whole school. Guy C finally knew that everyone knew about it, through a friend, and got extremely worried. Lately it was seen that Guy C was particullary close with Girl K, which cause rumours about them getting back together to sperad. When asked, Guy C denied the relationship.
Story B
Guy B was once upon a time a welcomed person among us but lately it was seen that he was isolated. When asked about it, he denied. But his once close friends said that it was his ow problem, which is closely related to Girl J, his ex. Where Girl J broke up with him and dated Guy W just in weeks after the break up. And it was later known that actually Guy B is dating Girl L, a girl from another school.
Story C
Girl L started a relationship with Guy S last year. It went perfectly well until this year. Guy S simply had no interest towards her but she still like him. Nobody knew when they broke up, but it was certain they broke up. Girl L was seen crying but nobody knew the cause. One day Guy S was sick so Girl L showed some care by giving him a drink. Guy S rejected it directly on her face. Till now they are not really in talking terms.
Story D
Girl M dated Guy N, a college guy. Somehow, Guy N's mum knew about it and was entirely unhappy about it. Guy N was a good filial son. One day Girl M nd Guy N met coincidentally but also coincidentally met his mum. His mum got pissed and called Guy's N father on take a half day leave and be on that spot immediatedly. She even shouted for Guy N to go home at once. It all happened in a shopping complex.
Story E
Guy D and Girl Y looks exactly like a pair but they denied their relationship. But it was heard that Guy D actually likes her, but not the other way. But it was also heard that Girl Y liked another guy, Guy T, and proposed but Guy T rejected her. Until now nobody knows what is happening exactly.
There are so many things happening around. You cannot even avoid it. You just thought that you are gonna like:'Urgh, I'm not gossiping!' But you can't. Talking to people is like walking through a sea of gossip and rumours. Somehow you are gossiping. Somehow you are the Info Guy/Girl. Or you are the Listener. Or you are the Messenger. Or you are the Speaker. Somehow you are included in the play.
People, the theater is wide open for seats. You chose your part. To be talked about? Or to talk? Or to listen to the talk? Or to pass the message of the talk?
You choose, because it's like totally Gossip Girl replay. Who cares about Guy S or Girl W or whatever...
You just want to.................GOSSIP.
You know what?
You know nothing yet everything.
It's Gossip Girl live. Period.
Story A
Guy C just broke up with Girl A. Girl A is someone outside the school. Co-incidentally Girl K entered school. Newcomer. And it happens so coincidentally that Girl K is Guy C's ex. And Guy C thought that nobody knew about it. Which is greatly wrong, because in fact, Girl H, a previous classmate of Girl K, already knew about this, and broadcasted the whole school. Guy C finally knew that everyone knew about it, through a friend, and got extremely worried. Lately it was seen that Guy C was particullary close with Girl K, which cause rumours about them getting back together to sperad. When asked, Guy C denied the relationship.
Story B
Guy B was once upon a time a welcomed person among us but lately it was seen that he was isolated. When asked about it, he denied. But his once close friends said that it was his ow problem, which is closely related to Girl J, his ex. Where Girl J broke up with him and dated Guy W just in weeks after the break up. And it was later known that actually Guy B is dating Girl L, a girl from another school.
Story C
Girl L started a relationship with Guy S last year. It went perfectly well until this year. Guy S simply had no interest towards her but she still like him. Nobody knew when they broke up, but it was certain they broke up. Girl L was seen crying but nobody knew the cause. One day Guy S was sick so Girl L showed some care by giving him a drink. Guy S rejected it directly on her face. Till now they are not really in talking terms.
Story D
Girl M dated Guy N, a college guy. Somehow, Guy N's mum knew about it and was entirely unhappy about it. Guy N was a good filial son. One day Girl M nd Guy N met coincidentally but also coincidentally met his mum. His mum got pissed and called Guy's N father on take a half day leave and be on that spot immediatedly. She even shouted for Guy N to go home at once. It all happened in a shopping complex.
Story E
Guy D and Girl Y looks exactly like a pair but they denied their relationship. But it was heard that Guy D actually likes her, but not the other way. But it was also heard that Girl Y liked another guy, Guy T, and proposed but Guy T rejected her. Until now nobody knows what is happening exactly.
There are so many things happening around. You cannot even avoid it. You just thought that you are gonna like:'Urgh, I'm not gossiping!' But you can't. Talking to people is like walking through a sea of gossip and rumours. Somehow you are gossiping. Somehow you are the Info Guy/Girl. Or you are the Listener. Or you are the Messenger. Or you are the Speaker. Somehow you are included in the play.
People, the theater is wide open for seats. You chose your part. To be talked about? Or to talk? Or to listen to the talk? Or to pass the message of the talk?
You choose, because it's like totally Gossip Girl replay. Who cares about Guy S or Girl W or whatever...
You just want to.................GOSSIP.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Sports Day
I am in Thamboosamy House. Red house. Lame name for a lame house. I am the billboard captain, which means there was a billboard competition, where four houses compete for the glory of creating the best information board in the school.
I took this post because I was offered the post of Cheerleading captain. I was damn shocked and turned down this generous offer. Knowing me, huh, cheerleading, so-not-me. So I said I can be the billboard captain better. So, that’s me, here, strutting and cutting papers while the others did stunts and danced.
I wanted to be the champion very much. But I would not have mind too much if I lost. I just simply created something, last minute, and it will turn out the best. Huh. Damn snobbish leh!! Hehe.
The next concern of mine was athletics.
Knowing me, I do not possess any genes which suggest I am an athlete.
Maxwell, known for its pathetic number of women athletes, had no choice but to force every girl to take part in the sports events. Me, unfortunately, being fortunately outstanding in sukan tara (well, out of luck, passed the long jump while everyone cannot), had been chosen to take part in long jump, lontar peluru and 4X100 relay athletics.
Me, sweating like a fishmonger, had no choice, but to practice, practice and practice.
It turned out to be a joke. The twins, also took part in athletics, suggested to run 100 meters to see how we perform. So on one fine evening, we went to the nearest lorong in the neighbourhood and estimated the length and ran.
We ended up having pains the next evening.
The next day, I followed my house members to MPS Stadium and saw the 100 meter track.
It was LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.
The lorong we ran was only 10 meters. I was like. OMG.
It turned out to be the joke of the day.
Me freaking out, ran and ran and ran in MPS until 9pm. It was raining, and I ran in the rain. That night, my feet had blisters and the skin peeled away. Eh, I ran with my shoes on man! Imagine that.
On sports day, I could not care more. I was having cramps and I totally dragged the long jump. On the relay 4X100m, I ran as if my ass was on fire. Finishing the fifth, I was happy not to finish the last. Yoong Ling passed out after the 4X400M relay but got the third. Yoong Sin was unfortunately placed in a team with no athletes, so she finished the last for every event. She was cursing in the end.
The best part of the day was when it was announced that I won the Billboard Competition. I received the hamper and shouted non-stop on the podium. I screamed and jumped until my hamper tore into two. I was damn happy. My efforts paid off and I redeemed victory. I thrust my fists to the air, as my team members celebrated with me. When it was announced that we won the Cheerleading Competition, Michelle hugged me until my ribs nearly broke. We even won the Marching Competition, which was totally not expected, because the mascot looked totally like a piece of shit.
The board that got me won the Billboard Competition.
From left; Kian Lu (Sulaiman's Billboard Captain), Me, Lok Siang (Swettenham's Billboard Captain), Chun Hoe (Yap Ah Loy's House Captain)
Thamboosamy house won overall. We ran the whole stadium holding our trophy and flag. Well, halfway, because we had no more energy after all those events.
Red house. A-W-E-S-O-M-E. I looked like shit in this pic but, who cares? See that hamper on the far right. It was held up by an enormous ammount of duct tape after I broke it into two. XD
This was the last Sports Day I will ever have in my life. It will be one of the best memories that I ever had in my life, because it taught me that, with inspiration and perspiration, anything will be a dream come true.
Special Thanks to those who had helped me in billboard.
Darryl
Yee Toong
Michelle
A Fa
Thayalan
Kok Weng
Mahendran
Sarah
Yvette
Hong Ping
Twins
Zi Qin
Enny
Kian Lu
And others who helped directly and indirectly
I took this post because I was offered the post of Cheerleading captain. I was damn shocked and turned down this generous offer. Knowing me, huh, cheerleading, so-not-me. So I said I can be the billboard captain better. So, that’s me, here, strutting and cutting papers while the others did stunts and danced.
I wanted to be the champion very much. But I would not have mind too much if I lost. I just simply created something, last minute, and it will turn out the best. Huh. Damn snobbish leh!! Hehe.
The next concern of mine was athletics.
Knowing me, I do not possess any genes which suggest I am an athlete.
Maxwell, known for its pathetic number of women athletes, had no choice but to force every girl to take part in the sports events. Me, unfortunately, being fortunately outstanding in sukan tara (well, out of luck, passed the long jump while everyone cannot), had been chosen to take part in long jump, lontar peluru and 4X100 relay athletics.
Me, sweating like a fishmonger, had no choice, but to practice, practice and practice.
It turned out to be a joke. The twins, also took part in athletics, suggested to run 100 meters to see how we perform. So on one fine evening, we went to the nearest lorong in the neighbourhood and estimated the length and ran.
We ended up having pains the next evening.
The next day, I followed my house members to MPS Stadium and saw the 100 meter track.
It was LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG.
The lorong we ran was only 10 meters. I was like. OMG.
It turned out to be the joke of the day.
Me freaking out, ran and ran and ran in MPS until 9pm. It was raining, and I ran in the rain. That night, my feet had blisters and the skin peeled away. Eh, I ran with my shoes on man! Imagine that.
On sports day, I could not care more. I was having cramps and I totally dragged the long jump. On the relay 4X100m, I ran as if my ass was on fire. Finishing the fifth, I was happy not to finish the last. Yoong Ling passed out after the 4X400M relay but got the third. Yoong Sin was unfortunately placed in a team with no athletes, so she finished the last for every event. She was cursing in the end.
The best part of the day was when it was announced that I won the Billboard Competition. I received the hamper and shouted non-stop on the podium. I screamed and jumped until my hamper tore into two. I was damn happy. My efforts paid off and I redeemed victory. I thrust my fists to the air, as my team members celebrated with me. When it was announced that we won the Cheerleading Competition, Michelle hugged me until my ribs nearly broke. We even won the Marching Competition, which was totally not expected, because the mascot looked totally like a piece of shit.
The board that got me won the Billboard Competition.
From left; Kian Lu (Sulaiman's Billboard Captain), Me, Lok Siang (Swettenham's Billboard Captain), Chun Hoe (Yap Ah Loy's House Captain)
Thamboosamy house won overall. We ran the whole stadium holding our trophy and flag. Well, halfway, because we had no more energy after all those events.
Red house. A-W-E-S-O-M-E. I looked like shit in this pic but, who cares? See that hamper on the far right. It was held up by an enormous ammount of duct tape after I broke it into two. XD
This was the last Sports Day I will ever have in my life. It will be one of the best memories that I ever had in my life, because it taught me that, with inspiration and perspiration, anything will be a dream come true.
Special Thanks to those who had helped me in billboard.
Darryl
Yee Toong
Michelle
A Fa
Thayalan
Kok Weng
Mahendran
Sarah
Yvette
Hong Ping
Twins
Zi Qin
Enny
Kian Lu
And others who helped directly and indirectly
Friday, March 28, 2008
Earth Hour 2008
It all started with a curious click on a link on top of my mail when I checked through my e-mails last month.
Earth Hour 2008.
See the difference you can make.
This is a non-profit organization by the WWF, in order to create awareness among people about global warming and climate change. On 2005, Sydney decided to power off their lights for 1 hour. From 8pm to 9pm, the citizens of Sydney lived in complete darkness, going on with their lives. 2008, Earth Hour is a global program for any city, any business, any organizations, anyone to join the force, and spread the message about environmental consciousness among all inhabitants of earth.
So what should I do, you ask.
Simple.
On 29 March 2008, 8pm to 9pm, turn off your lights.
Okay, if you are bored *yawns*……hey, maybe it’s me. Okay, my convincing skills sucks. Oh please don’t close my page first.
Check out the official website.
I guarantee you will be astonished about what other people have did, and you will be further convinced by their video clips. Hey, it’s real ok. I signed up because it really touched me so much.
Maybe you ask: ‘What’s so significant about turning off lights for 1 hour?’
Hey, dude. I know you loved counter striking on PC, or your mum can’t miss the soap opera on 8, or your granddad just wanted to watch football. Yeah, I know. You can give thousands of reasons saying you need the lights. And you will say that only you can’t make anything better.
You may ask again: ‘I can, but my family can’t. So, I can’t.’
Well, charity starts at home. By showing a good example by sacrificing 1 hour of Counter Strike will make your parents soooo proud and touched. And probably you will convince them to do the same thing. Well, since you have to off the lights as a family, why not use the 1 hour to sit on the porch, and talk while enjoying the light breeze and the night sky? The point is, in one way or another, as an individual, you can make a difference.
Still not very convinced, okay okay, let’s see what Let There Be Chaos has done.
I gathered a few friends and them, also environmental buffs, agreed to spread the noble message by volunteering into it. So, me, the twins and Zi Qin did the promoting job in the place you will never imagined.
School.
Okay, it’s VERY lame.
We went to the official website, memorized every fact, printed posters, did badges and promoted it to our fellow classmates.
The posters and badges....scattered on the table.
First response will never be better: ‘What is that?
The next was: ‘Are you guys doing this for money?’
And then it was: ‘Why bother? Are you all that free?’
That’s what we got exactly from all of them. It was extremely discouraging. When we approached them, they will look at us one kind. It clearly reflects why environmental programs were never successful in Malaysia. Just look at the simple society in school. They were even reluctant to support their friend, let alone supporting a complete stranger outside there who talked about trees and pandas. In addition, this is all non-profit. We were even using our own allowance to spread the message. The printing is money, the laminating is money, the posters are money and the photos are also money!
We three spreading the message.
But we never gave up. And soon, people began to listen.
Countdown chart in class. Even topped the trigonomerty questions.
Besides turning off your lights on Earth Hour, we must also practice Earth Hour everyday. By changing simple habits we can make the Earth a better place to live in. For instance, saving water, recycling, practice 3R in life, saving electricity, substituting the use of tissue papers with handkerchiefs, using your own containers instead of polysterine boxes when take away food. These are so simple things in life that we can do to make environmental consciousness a part of our lives.
Recycle bin made from Ferrero Rocher box in class.
Reduce the use of polystirine boxes. Use your own container when take away food.
Use hankies instead of tissue papers. Nobody loves wan tan.lol.
Practice car pooling.
The board everyone pledged to participate in Earth Hour to stand a chance in making a difference on this Earth.
After all, Mother Earth have gave us so much. Ask ourselves, what have we done for her? Destruction, devastation, pollution. That’s how we repay her? For the air she gave us to breath in? For the water she gave us to sustain life? For the sunlight she gave us to see? The best things in life are free, because Mother Earth allows us to have them.
Think.
It’s all cause and effect. One day, she will repay us by making us ill.
So?
Let’s save Mother Earth together. Let’s protect her against the act of human actions.
We also did a video clip about how we think about Earth Hour 2008. This is it. Enjoy.
it's a video clip about Earth Hour in Maxwell. Not excellent but it's all we can do.
Earth Hour 2008. See the difference you can make.
Earth Hour 2008.
See the difference you can make.
This is a non-profit organization by the WWF, in order to create awareness among people about global warming and climate change. On 2005, Sydney decided to power off their lights for 1 hour. From 8pm to 9pm, the citizens of Sydney lived in complete darkness, going on with their lives. 2008, Earth Hour is a global program for any city, any business, any organizations, anyone to join the force, and spread the message about environmental consciousness among all inhabitants of earth.
So what should I do, you ask.
Simple.
On 29 March 2008, 8pm to 9pm, turn off your lights.
Okay, if you are bored *yawns*……hey, maybe it’s me. Okay, my convincing skills sucks. Oh please don’t close my page first.
Check out the official website.
I guarantee you will be astonished about what other people have did, and you will be further convinced by their video clips. Hey, it’s real ok. I signed up because it really touched me so much.
Maybe you ask: ‘What’s so significant about turning off lights for 1 hour?’
Hey, dude. I know you loved counter striking on PC, or your mum can’t miss the soap opera on 8, or your granddad just wanted to watch football. Yeah, I know. You can give thousands of reasons saying you need the lights. And you will say that only you can’t make anything better.
You may ask again: ‘I can, but my family can’t. So, I can’t.’
Well, charity starts at home. By showing a good example by sacrificing 1 hour of Counter Strike will make your parents soooo proud and touched. And probably you will convince them to do the same thing. Well, since you have to off the lights as a family, why not use the 1 hour to sit on the porch, and talk while enjoying the light breeze and the night sky? The point is, in one way or another, as an individual, you can make a difference.
Still not very convinced, okay okay, let’s see what Let There Be Chaos has done.
I gathered a few friends and them, also environmental buffs, agreed to spread the noble message by volunteering into it. So, me, the twins and Zi Qin did the promoting job in the place you will never imagined.
School.
Okay, it’s VERY lame.
We went to the official website, memorized every fact, printed posters, did badges and promoted it to our fellow classmates.
The posters and badges....scattered on the table.
First response will never be better: ‘What is that?
The next was: ‘Are you guys doing this for money?’
And then it was: ‘Why bother? Are you all that free?’
That’s what we got exactly from all of them. It was extremely discouraging. When we approached them, they will look at us one kind. It clearly reflects why environmental programs were never successful in Malaysia. Just look at the simple society in school. They were even reluctant to support their friend, let alone supporting a complete stranger outside there who talked about trees and pandas. In addition, this is all non-profit. We were even using our own allowance to spread the message. The printing is money, the laminating is money, the posters are money and the photos are also money!
We three spreading the message.
But we never gave up. And soon, people began to listen.
Countdown chart in class. Even topped the trigonomerty questions.
Besides turning off your lights on Earth Hour, we must also practice Earth Hour everyday. By changing simple habits we can make the Earth a better place to live in. For instance, saving water, recycling, practice 3R in life, saving electricity, substituting the use of tissue papers with handkerchiefs, using your own containers instead of polysterine boxes when take away food. These are so simple things in life that we can do to make environmental consciousness a part of our lives.
Recycle bin made from Ferrero Rocher box in class.
Reduce the use of polystirine boxes. Use your own container when take away food.
Use hankies instead of tissue papers. Nobody loves wan tan.lol.
Practice car pooling.
The board everyone pledged to participate in Earth Hour to stand a chance in making a difference on this Earth.
After all, Mother Earth have gave us so much. Ask ourselves, what have we done for her? Destruction, devastation, pollution. That’s how we repay her? For the air she gave us to breath in? For the water she gave us to sustain life? For the sunlight she gave us to see? The best things in life are free, because Mother Earth allows us to have them.
Think.
It’s all cause and effect. One day, she will repay us by making us ill.
So?
Let’s save Mother Earth together. Let’s protect her against the act of human actions.
We also did a video clip about how we think about Earth Hour 2008. This is it. Enjoy.
it's a video clip about Earth Hour in Maxwell. Not excellent but it's all we can do.
Earth Hour 2008. See the difference you can make.
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