Not Human

After my students have left for the night, I was overwhelmed with fatigue; all I could think of, and what I want, is to yell as loud as I can. My schedule for the month was jam packed with classes and tuition sessions, everyday, not even sparing the weekends. Every night after class, the dizziness hits altogether with tantamount levels of stress. On one hand I'm worried about all my students who are taking PMR and SPM this year, on another I'm worried about my exams which are 3 months away. It's a struggle between both extremes, good grades, and good money.

I do feel bad when I had to reject most of the invitation my friends extended for leisure and entertainment. While others can enjoy the liberty of having fun and enjoying their life, I've to sacrifice the few remaining years of student life to secure an income. I envy my friends who have no worries about money, which their only primary duty is to study, whom their parents could afford to support them. I do question the inequalities, but I do also accept the ugly truth of unfairness of the world. I did not choose to be born poor. But I also know that I should be grateful for there are many others who do not even have the opportunity to work and study. When I'm blessed with both, I should carry them with the mentality of a fighter, and accept challenges as they will shape me into a better person.

Every time when I feel my eyes failing me, when I had to struggle to stay awake because I'm forced to study off working hours, I'm feeding myself the thought that all these difficulties which I go through, is only a temporary phase in life.

I must stand tall to withstand fatigue, slack and procrastination. I must stand strong and allow discipline to impose agony, for when there is pain, there will be motivation, there will be commitment. Pleasure will follow. I'll remind myself the promises I've made to myself, the world, my family, those who I care about present and future.

That because they should deserve better, and I will be the best I can be to ensure that they'll not encounter life as what I had did.

I'm determined that I'm the creator of my own fate and destiny. Circumstances would not hold me down, forces of hardship will not extinguish my energy.

I'm protecting my dreams by fighting for them. I'm in battleground every day, but I'm not afraid, and I know, victory is not as far and fictitious as the world paint it to be.

I'm ensured, and I believe, that success, will be mine one day.


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