What's Your Flavour?

Picture credits to Sailormoon aka Wai Mun. =) We miss you in law class my dear. And Baskin Robbins rocks in terms of price and taste in 31st.

So as they say variety is the spice of life, it's you guys there who have been a total eye opener to my perspective in appreciating human behaviour. Compliment or detrimental in nature, nah, go figure yourself =P However, no doubt that you guys are who I love, and say yay all future lawyers! We are going to rock the litigation field in years.

PS: I got highest in class for Public Law. Yippie! I know I am supposed to be humble and all but I am freaking glad to get high marks. Means my efforts well paid. God's favour. =)

The Prodigal Daughter

Today I felt lifeless and above all extremely discouraged. It feels though as if life is so bloody fucked up and meaningless. Yes I am swearing and I am using present tense, get my language. I am tired to pretending that I am so fucking happy with life and I am damn contented with what I have. No. I am particular of what I lack and what I lust and I don't give a fucking damn if this concerns anyone else in this world because I am sick of faking it. I AM SICK OF FAKING IT! Faking my obedience towards anyone I AM suppose to respect and love. Because the truth is I do not and I am sorry to say you can disown me anytime and just throw me out of the house. The truth is that above your all time traditional issue-matic problematic FAMILY VALUES, I don't know why, I just cannot fathom why above all, you value it so highly, and hello, this is indirectly creating the rebel in me so don't blame my influences aka church, college etc and categorise them as bad. The freaking truth is that I see this family adhering to all nonsense which is ultimately your pride. You're proud to fake we are living in a blissful close knitted family and everybody just loves each other so much. BULL SHIT. You want to show everyone how outstanding we children are because of your effort as our mother, forcing us to study study and study, fail one exam doomed for life. NO LIFE. I have no life. All my life is to study and study and I don't even know, until this very day, what is my purpose of studying so hard and sacrifice all my shit I am supposed to enjoy as a teenager. I am sick of fulfilling YOUR expectations. I have achieved NOTHING in pursuit of making you proud, earning all titles as a top student in high school, and now I asked myself what purpose is that I had gained so much because it amounts to absolutely fucking, nothing? I am no good daughter I know, but all I want is to have freedom. I cannot even practice the freedom of speech in this fucking madhouse and for everybody's sake I AM A LAWYER TO BE STUDYING LAW. Fuck! How pathetic is that? I am not the kind of person who follows routine and your set of rules because I have my own thinking which develops across the years due to exposure to the outside world while you stay in the range of your comfort zone. This is the 21st century and people evolves fast and please get your mind out of the 80s. This is the era of globalisation not cow mowing fields or some shit. For one thing, now that you have made an issue out of freedom that I wanted, is because you had made freedom so elusive and it is something I only can achieve in my dreams or one of us dies. This is because you had earned such a degree of disrespect or whatever shit you want to call that. It is true that I do not love my family because I just simply think that I can do good without you. No? Yes, I have ability and I would not hesitate to turn back or ask for help. I rather be some beggar on the streets because you made me have such level of disgust towards you. Everytime I try to reason you would tamper me with disrespect, branding me as the bad egg of the family, telling my siblings how not to follow my example, telling all relatives how disgracing I have been. I am shamed and I have the identity as oooh there comes Hui Ting the rebel who breaks her mum's heart because she thinks she is smart and everybody avoid her because you love your mum. What the fuck, man. I am 20 for goodness sake. I am a freaking adult not the kid who needs spanking because she has a smart mouth. Of course I have my views and damn you if you shut me up by either slapping me on the face or throwing water on me I can bloody hell sue you man. I have no reluctance in doing so as I have no heart and I am not bothered to have one. Nobody is going to respect you if you pull them by their ears and spit in their face and chant respect me respect me, bitch everyday. No, for everybody's sake stop making yourself look like an idiot and get a new method and attitude. What I can give is, well, I don't know what I can give anymore. All that I can give you is either insufficient or it is not that you want. i am done with pleasing you and I want back my identity as Hee Hui Ting the individual not the family daughter. All that I do to my life whether wrong or right is the account of my own actions and I take full responsibility and it does not work the way as if you behave nastily people would think why the mother never educate her properly. This is your problem and your pride. I have my own beliefs in my life. I want to practice them and you are stopping me. I am done with the your mum is the centre of your life mantra. I am also done with the your dad has died please love your family more ideology. I am not perfect and I fail to live to your expectations and you should disown me and let me rot on the streets. You finally knew that my ultimate goal for studying is to leave this madhouse one day. Great. You finally got it. I will leave. It's just a matter of time and it would be the best day of my life. I have no issues in saying I spent the most miserable times of my life at home. The home which robbed my freedom and my life. You will have issues. You have to deal with it. Get over it. I don't give a damn whether I am your daughter or not. It doesn't matter anyway to me. If freedom should be obtained without my family, then it should be. If marriage should obstruct freedom I would not marry. If working far away from home provides freedom I would seek the opportunity. I will, in any way, seek for freedom that I lust. Of whatever I do now, my persistence in praying and my priority in studies to my choice in my circle of friends, any thing, it works towards to goal of leaving the house and having freedom of living on my own. You cannot use money to bind me. Money for a short while, would not be the issue anymore. Get the facts right. I have grown up, time to let me go. I cannot stay forever by your side. Learn to grow up, mum. Learn to be independent.

PS: I still love you no matter what. It is just that my thoughts are more radical than your traditional mindset. I know you would not disown me. Butif you are reduced to do so, I have no issues with it.

Friends for Life

It was nothing at first, just a mere normal goodbye. Everyone was just under the impression that it was like any goodbye we have, we wave and we met again. Soon. But that goodbye was just not any goodbye, it was for a long long time. Perhaps the longest parting we have known. The next morning after you had left, I woke up and looked through the white grills of my house, and I saw the trees in front of your porch. I know that you had left, for a long time until you will return. I gave you my best wishes the other night, I remembered, fighting the urge to give you a hug. Fighting the tears I don't want you to see back to my eyes. I know that from that day onwards, I would not see you around, and the house of yours will stay, empty of your presence, but of all the memories we had. They stay. The road we walked to school as classmates. The laughter that once rang through the silent alleys at night, as we drink to our futures. The promises we had for each and another. I took the path we once walked together so familiar. Cliche, but flashes of memories, they play on a reel of film, movie-like. They ran on my head. I stood in silence, knowing that solitude is mine. Emotions seeped in drop by drop, I cannot allow my tears to keep, as they flow in silence. Oxymoron to my heart that wildly wails in absence of you.



I miss you.

Overture

I have got a confession to make.

When times come where I feel so overwhelmed with God's love and I want to open my heart and fill people in, care and comfort the needy, I really wanted to serve the purpose of friendship as being a sincere friend, honest and genuine. I wanted to show them how much I love and care and I take emphatise and symphatise when they have their hearts broken and got discouraged either by their current happenings or their hideous past. I wanted to be there when they were down, when they need anything and everything, though I know I lack but I always can give my best out of my everything. I am thankful for I am blessed and I want to show them how much they are blessed and show them that they are too, but they are blinded by temptations, lost and wandering. I wished that they could repent and they could realise that how precious are they and would they stop hurting themselves, because this is hurting me too. Though they can say that this is none of my business, and I should nose away, but I want to because I choose to care. This is because I realise how much more I have received than them. But I would also like to say that I am sorry if I sound so supernatural and protruding, as may be my beliefs differs from you all. As maybe my principles sounded too unfitting in your context. It's neither's fault, just diversity in thoughts. I feel bad for I am not there and I cannot help and I fail to. It would always be my prayer that you know where your destination is, one day.

The Simple Occassion

Happy Birthday to my one and only sister in the entire world! *as in biological =)


I don't care if you like the Big Apples or not, because I liked them. Don't know what to wish, just, score good results for SPM lar~ Happy 17th (so young man *envious*)