Easy, You're Just Not The One

I was hoping for that day I'll turn around and prove you wrong.

Yes, no other student study 12 hours non stop,
nor they arrive home at 11 average each night,
nor do they have classes on Saturdays and weekends.

And I want to tell you all that:

I'm smart enough AND harworking enough to deserve,
even I have to skip meals,
even I have to bear your faces of disbelief when I told you I want,
even you discourage me, tell me to keep my hopes low.


Because IF I am Kings scholar, I have all to prove you wrong. ONLY IF. Now, it's clear that I'm not. It's 9th already and I've given up on waiting for that call from Kings. I'm lying to myself that everything is okay. Everything is not okay at all and I'm beyond disappointed. I've given it all, and I'm now left with nothing.

Just fuck off and stop pretending you care and you understand k? All the while I've been fucking mocked of having this ambition, been damn hell told not to keep my hopes so high, been TOLD I'M NOT WORTHY OF THIS. YES I'M NOT NOW. YES YOUR DREAMS FINALLY CAME TRUE, AND I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. I HOPE YOU CAN SLEEP WITH IT. I HOPE IF EVEN BETTER, I'M ON THE BRINK OF FAILING. THEN YOU CAN TELL EVERYONE I'M A LIVE EXAMPLE OF THOSE WHO JUST HAVE ALL THE BAD LUCK, NO MATTER HOW HARD I STUDY, I'M JUST ANOTHER BLOODY LOSER. YES YOU HAVE GOT WHAT YOU WANT. I'M JUST ANOTHER AVERAGE DUDE WHO CAN ONLY DREAM PROPORTIONATELY.

I'm tired of this. I want to jump off some building. I'm fed up of living a life that everybody, EVERYBODY telling me what I can't do and who I can't be. I know crying is no use, but I'm now doing it. I'm so disappointed, I don't know how to pick myself up this time.

Just leave me alone.