Friday, August 27, 2010

United We Stand

In celebrating our nation's 53rd Independence Day, I'm writing this in dedication of love and peace. A series of unhappy events had taken place, alerting media attention and of course, fellow Malaysians who began to ponder on issues of racism and the meaning of unity. I have been following much of what people opine on Facebook, and thus, here I draw mine.

I grew up having close friends who consists of different races, being given the oppurtunity of studying in government high schools; a melting pot of a variety of cultures; the basic starting point. I am comfortable and happy with the way things work. We were innocent, and politics does not really seem much a bother. Race-blind was a term so easy to say and so strong a promise to be kept. When I started reading law, I started to be more concerned about socio-political events, and began to shoulder what obliged Malaysians do, to know and to comment on the nation's affairs. As I read and get to know, I began to understand why some people often get upset. Why issues on race is so sensitive. Why categorising Malaysians into races is practised.

At home, often than not, I listen to how my family grumbled about the country, and essentially, racist comments were not spared. My siblings, both schooled in independent high schools, have only friends and circle of acquaintances limited to one race. My mother and other relatives, being very traditional and down to earth Chinese, take stronghold of principles and philosophy. Not to say anything, but I believe it is the lack of exposure that makes them delude in their one typography mindset. When slight unfairness strikes, they would regard the other entire race as having that problem altogether. Or, they would boast boldly about what Chinese can do and achieve, and what the nation would be if not for us, Chinese. Often I kept quiet and let them blabber in self gratification, as once, I had voiced out my opposing views and got condemned harshly being a disgrace and traitor of my own people.

One fair example was when my sister failed to obtain JPA luar negeri, being she merely received the offer for JPA locally. My mother went on lengths in saying how unfair this was, and how my sister would do if she had equal results but of a different race. This, I still regard as fine, but when they went on saying other non-Chinese being not doing well as Chinese do, my opinion, I strongly beg to differ. Like how they say Chinese are generally excellent in Maths, I dare to say I am not any close to average in Maths. Not all bumiputeras are thoroughly lousy and require the Government's help all the time. There are equally competent non-Chinese out there, equally excellent people who can utilise taxpayers money and return to develop the country as well. My question, why generalise? Is it something we were trained to do? It is definitely not born within our genes. Why not excersie some understanding and get the point from a larger picture? Why not take the more difficult and courageous point of view, which is to acknowledge that it is not limited for one race to do one thing, but it is the person who makes the difference. The point is, experience may lead us in believing that generalisation of one race due to an individual is normal. It is not, and it corrupts. When an individual does good or bad, is the person with the attitude, not the race with the infection.

Since we are living altogether there should be no point asking anyone of us to leave. Together we develop the country, anyone less would make today impossible. Malaysia is our home, and each of us that loves the country, deserves to stay here and continue to prosper from it. Respecting each other and exercising tolerance is the lubricant that keeps the engine of peace and unity running. I am a Malysian who was born in this land, living in this land, and will die in this land, and enough said, I love Malaysia. Happy Merderka.


PS: Was super hefty not to cross the line being sensitive. Racism, a topic that invites ISA. Shhhh....

Thursday, August 26, 2010

You



I really do.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Results Night

I was lying on the sofa, remote control in one hand and apple in another, watching Miami Ink lazily when JJ called. That macha practically screamed in my ear:

'RESULTS IS OUT ALREADY!'

I literally sprung out from lazy mode and started hitting the keyboard furiously. I was in cold sweat, and was shaking non stop due to the tension. Audrey called and we both screamed like hell.

Oh my God, I can't belive results was out! After 3 months of waiting, finally.

The stupid server crashed due to the congregation of users checking the results at the same time. After repeated motions of refreshing the same page and lots of cursing, finally, the result screen popped out.

I was so scared, I turned off the monitor and ran to the kitchen to call Yoong Ling. We talked for few minutes and she adviced me to eat some ice cream beofre checking.

So, there was it, when I turned on the screen. It did not exceed my expectations, but managed to meet it, towards some level. At least, it was reflective of the effort that I've put in for so long. Later on, MSN and facebook chat was flooded with conversations of results. It was a long night, but it ended well.

I thank God for His grace and favour as He has once again, proved that He is merciful in answering prayers. After insane hours of studying, additional research, consistent reading, inhumane hours of lectures and all the sacrifices, I'm glad everything is okay. I succesfully moving on to Part One, and my biggest wish now, is to get into Top 10.

I'll keep praying=)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Extraordinary

Have you ever wonder why is ordinary, ordinary? Why do the majority stays ordinary to contrast the extraordinary? Since time in memorial, we know people who are famous, remember events that rises out of the blue. Nobody bothers with routine, average joes and plain janes. The majority however seems not to have any problem living along these lines, arguing peace and serenity above all. No doubt it ensures a life without much turbulence, guarantees happiness with the partake of content and satisfaction. When you do things that everyone does, you live in the safe bubble of acceptance and consistent pace with everyone else. The comfort zone you stay in say, becomes an entire lifetime for most of the human beings out there. They leave the world leaving behind only their tombstone for material memory. Three generations later, nobody in your family even remembers your name. Several later, your contribution to the world, so little, diminishes as later generations invent and fill in the blanks of what society needs at that time. You became nobody, like millions of them who had left the world only leaving behind remains in a cemetery.

For one thing I know, I'll be that lost soul that steps out of the comfort zone and risk my everything, and give in anything. No matter how much everyone disagrees, or discourages, I shall not steer, I shall not fall. For if I have lost everything for something, I'll get it. And damn I'll get it in the end. I am just someone who is unwilling to live in the norm, be contented with what has been given. I want more, and I want it better.

So they say: a hundred mile journey starts with a small step. Yeah, I'm running fast now.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Till 23rd August


“Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer” – Charles Colton 1780 – 1832

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Failed



After the heavy thinking of the aftermath, the conclusion to be made is up to the mentality. I vow to never give up. The least I can do to redeem myself. And perhaps, to quote:

They say President Wilson has blundered. Perhaps he has, but I notice he usually blunders forward. ~Thomas Edison

I'll never accept defeat, never ever. I'll keep fighting for my goals despite setbacks and failures, ignorance and demotivation. In this journey to success, I'm not going to please anybody but myself.

Lastly, to family, friends, teachers, I'm sorry if I've let you down.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Lawasia Moots

I am proud that our mooting team finished second and will be representing Malaysia to the International rounds at New Delhi. They did a great job and was splendid, awesome, amazing, fantastic....phewwwww!!!

For us student volunteers, was pure labour, enough said.

Anyway, it was a great hell of an experience. Knowing other friends from elsewhere is cool=)


Loves=)

Monday, August 9, 2010

Easy, You're Just Not The One

I was hoping for that day I'll turn around and prove you wrong.

Yes, no other student study 12 hours non stop,
nor they arrive home at 11 average each night,
nor do they have classes on Saturdays and weekends.

And I want to tell you all that:

I'm smart enough AND harworking enough to deserve,
even I have to skip meals,
even I have to bear your faces of disbelief when I told you I want,
even you discourage me, tell me to keep my hopes low.


Because IF I am Kings scholar, I have all to prove you wrong. ONLY IF. Now, it's clear that I'm not. It's 9th already and I've given up on waiting for that call from Kings. I'm lying to myself that everything is okay. Everything is not okay at all and I'm beyond disappointed. I've given it all, and I'm now left with nothing.

Just fuck off and stop pretending you care and you understand k? All the while I've been fucking mocked of having this ambition, been damn hell told not to keep my hopes so high, been TOLD I'M NOT WORTHY OF THIS. YES I'M NOT NOW. YES YOUR DREAMS FINALLY CAME TRUE, AND I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. I HOPE YOU CAN SLEEP WITH IT. I HOPE IF EVEN BETTER, I'M ON THE BRINK OF FAILING. THEN YOU CAN TELL EVERYONE I'M A LIVE EXAMPLE OF THOSE WHO JUST HAVE ALL THE BAD LUCK, NO MATTER HOW HARD I STUDY, I'M JUST ANOTHER BLOODY LOSER. YES YOU HAVE GOT WHAT YOU WANT. I'M JUST ANOTHER AVERAGE DUDE WHO CAN ONLY DREAM PROPORTIONATELY.

I'm tired of this. I want to jump off some building. I'm fed up of living a life that everybody, EVERYBODY telling me what I can't do and who I can't be. I know crying is no use, but I'm now doing it. I'm so disappointed, I don't know how to pick myself up this time.

Just leave me alone.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I'll Do It For You


You know, if I can ever have that, I would not hesitate to fly you back to KL, and make you meals like this every dinner.
We will drive to mamak late at night and talk until 5 in the morning, or watch TV at your place and drink Old Town with soda biscuits.
We will also go shop at lots of places. You will help me with my arrangements. Planning for my 21st. You will do all these for me.
Everything will run in smooth motion with that single determining factor, you know. We had endless conversations over the phone about hopes, fears, encouragements. Despite hectic work schedules, despite annoying lines over at Paris, we somehow could find time, to make the connection work, to make interacton successful.

You know how badly I want this, and you are the one who I can count on to give me that pull when my mentality could not withstand the fall.

You are the one I throw my life's motions to; I rant, laugh, complain, rage, cry my heart to you. Unsolicited and sincere. No reservations at all, pure hundred percent trust so real. These are the moments in life I cherish. Though miles apart, we never fail to keep touch, never fail to trust, and never fail to be there. You were somehow there, be it your voice or your advice that keeps ringing in my head. I had stayed strong during stressful revision schedules, exam days and post exam fears because you told me to, during times where I was tired, discouraged and fearful.

As of now, you told me that I can, and I had gave in all. I trust that I can, because I believe you.

The date determines all, and now we anticipate. Anything may happen, but the thing that doesn't change is how much I had appreciated your everything for so long; not just during harsh revision exam times, but since we have decided to be friends.

I appreciate everything, twins. Thanks for being my best friends.