Here I am in my college's computer lab with nothing much to do and nothing much to say. I thought perhaps I can just write some stuff about what that had happened these few days, but actually nothing incidental happened and life is just yet another way of life, routine and boring.
Not to say that I am bored or whatever, I miss the accompaniment of people who I used to call my friends. They still are now, but days has passed and things has changed. After graduation nobody met up with nobody and all of us have our lives. Some work, some studied, some disappeared. I got used to it, but still, yet, unable to wake up from the dream that eluded me that I am still living a happy life with people showing care and life and love. Now it's just blatant refusal of hopes and support in which I no longer feel the sense of belonging when I am with people and it feels strange, confusing and different from the feeling that I had experienced before. Not to say that people I know now are complete losers or whatever. Just, I need time to fit in, to ditch fake assumptions and masked beliefs and again, deal with life with bona fide expressions and feelings. Too complicated. Because not that I am just lost, I haven't found the reason to cling and place trust on people I know, hence I don't really share, but if I were to take care and concern, and well, by all means, I will always be there for my friends.
Speaking about friends brought me to another topic of trust in which I felt particularly strong about it recently. My belief is that commitment is the fuel that keeps the engine of friendship running, and the commitment is a blend of the finest ingredients of relationships, and the most crucial of all, trust. And if a friend lied to me, of whatever reasons, and that's it, you're blacklisted. I do not honour my trust to a person who does not honour his to me. And moreover you're a friend, that means you should not have betrayed trust on you that I expect the most clarifying truth from you. And have you betrayed my trust, yes, and I doubt your sincerity in this friendship, and I doubt your words and conduct. I am doubtful and I am aware, and I do not wish to be like this, as I had already placed my 100% commitment towards our friendship. I am disappointed, above all, but forgiveness is God's greatest gift. I wish that I would not have been so intriguing that this would reach an extend for you to lie to me. I believe that you have a reason to lie, and I forgive you this time. Promise me nothing of such kind would happen again. Tell me the truth, and I will find it easier to forgive you.
And still, life is great. I still have friends who care and well, got to go revise again. Sienz...