Judgement

When I tore open my results with trembling hands, I was met with a totally devastating news. It hit me hard, like a tight slap on my face. I stumbled into an indescribable point of numbness. Numb from the previous panic with the new surge of disappointment. I shivered despite the blazing afternoon sun. The peak hour roads seemed so silent, as waves of new emotions swept pass me. I said a silent prayer for courage and continued my journey, listening to the words playing in my mind.

Letting reality sinking in takes a while. Within hours after talking to some people, I began to feel the pure bitterness of this tragedy. The feeling of upset and the agony of allowing failure seep in is beyond words. Then of all, the irritated feeling comes in, as people kept texting in and calling in to ask about details. I resented it as I texted back, and I was screaming inside my head. I cannot barely concentrate, until I was on the verge of collapsing, my heart screamed out:

CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?



I am weak and I am at point breaking. Any reprimands are useless now.For now, I need love and care, shield and shelter. As I stepped into my home, I saw my family, and my heart was overwhelmed by sudden sadness, that for once, and for all, I had been a loser and a failure, and I had failed their expectations.




Tears flowed as I prayed.