Pissed Off

Yeah I'm broke. Happy? I've no money for clothes, no money for food, no money to pay my bills, still in serious debt after the IPhone drama. It's near the festive season and I have to cut down despite wanting to hang out with friends and go for visits. I know I should not be angry about being poor, but the thing that pisses me off is what happened just now, when I asked mum for 100 bucks extra because I would be hanging out with my friends tomorrow.

Sis started the drama by telling me not to take money because she wanted some as well. I was like, if you want money take la, why you have to deprive my right of taking money because you want some as well? Then as usual, mum will mumble about us using lots of money and in the end she gave my sis the money she wanted and ended up not giving me. Fine, if you don't want to give me, I'm fine. But this woman went on and provoke me as if I have to beg her for the money. I'm so pissed, I don't even want the money anymore if she even sincerely want to give me.

What kind of justice is this?

I'm exercising tremendous amount of patience not to scream or end up swearing but my blood is boiling inside. I'M SO FREAKING PISSED OFF!!!!!! I don;t mind being mumbled for using much, and I try my best to explain why I'm using money so quickly. And you can't even freaking understand why I have to eat out or use money to print materials and it's okay if you don't but you just can't listen to me explaining. Why the ego and why the ignorance? You bloody well know yourself that you will give me the money but you choose to do so reluctantly and finding pleasure in implying me to BEG for the stupid money. You know I'm desperate and you know I will ask you nicely for the money and tolerate all your nonsense and you find pleasure in that, and you use money as a bait in order to enjoy the status of being superior to my needs and you can use them to ridicule me. But guess what, I don't want your money. I don't have to beg for your money. I rather stay poor than to be your subject matter of insult. This thing has gone out of hands. You used to threaten me with not giving me money in order to pressure me to do things you want them to be done, but this is it. I really don't like being treated with no dignity at all. I want you to know, nothing can buy me to perform anything I don't like, not even money. The most is I don't spend, and that's it.

Now thinking twice whether to go OU tomorrow. No money go shopping for what? Borrow from twins again? Then work like a slave to pay back, like now. I don't even have a good income and I hate to ask money form her. And I'm still in serious debt.

God need to save my soul.