Those Days When We Were Young

Suddenly I recalled some of those funny conversations we had in St. Mary's in the past 5 years. Time flies, those friends were here and suddenly they are all gone.

I am not trying to say that I don't have friends now. Friends now are cool but you really cannot get back those times like before.

A scene after St. John meeting.

GIRL : Have anyone saw my mother?
YOONG SIN AND ME:(in unison)Who the HELL is your mother?
GIRL :(looking bewildered): Erm....Puan Deva....
YOONG SIN AND ME:(looking EVEN more bewildered)Cheh! I thought who the hell?

I know, we are both acting very sacarstic but she doesn't have to act that the whole school knew her mum was actually Puan Deva.....Although we were both rude, but, who cares?

Another scene in class
Yoong Sin was teling a joke

KANG ZHI, YOONG LING AND ME: HAHAHA

3 seconds later after the laughter died.....

ZI QIN : hahaha....
KANG ZHI, YOONG LING, YOONG SIN AND ME: ........

Zi Qin, you reaction was so slow! Sinapse did not happen in your neuron huh?

Another one
Someone was telling a real damn funny joke

ZI QIN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA....HAHAHA

3 seconds later

ZI QIN: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(this time, tears started to flow from her eyes...)

MEILI: OH MY GOD!! Zi Qin is crying!!!
ZI QIN: Shut up la, Mei Li!

An incident in class
PREFECT: (BELLOWING) 5SC4, YOU ARE TOO NOISY, THIS IS THE LAST WARNING! IF YOU DON'T KEEP QUIET, YOU ARE GOING DOWN TO THE QUADRANGLE TO STAND FOR ANOTHER EXTRA 10 MINUTES!!
CLASS: (obviously not giving a damn)
PREFECT: (patience wearing thin)OKAY! THIS IS IT! TOMORROW YOU ARE GOING DOWN!
ZI QIN: really?
PREFECT: YEAH!
HWEE FERN: HOORAY!! YIPPIE!!
MEI LI: Our first time going down!! finally!!
PREFECT: ..........

I love those old good days too much.....

Funeral

Today, a relative of mine passed away due to liver cancer.

Mum, sis and bro went for the funeral. I have a tuition class to attend, so I missed it.

It was drizzling, and made me can't help thinking....

**** 1 week ago****
He was hospitalised in Selayang Hospital. The doctor said:'terminal stage cancer, family members, please make final preparations.' He laid on the bed in an open ward, unable to move a muscle. He already gave up total hope on his life.

****6 months ago****
We visited him in his house when we got wind that he was diagnosed with cancer. He was sleeping.

****1 year ago****
We went to Port Dickson together. He was healthy then.


But now he has already left, leaving behind memories. Although I do'nt know him and his family well, I still feel terribly sorry for them.


Life is short.
Live it wisely.

Lions for Lambs

Let's put it in this way......

***START***
There are 3 people who met randomly under arranged circumstances. They are DW, Barium and Hydrogen Trioxide. DW and Barium are both guys who are equally capable and power hungry, so do Hydrogen Trioxide. She seems boring but actually she ia extremely power hungry, tough and unapproachable. Friends of DW and Barium do not really like her, because she usually keeps to herself and does not socialise much. They did not really understand her as well. Hydrogen Trioxide is a woman of substance and style. She keeps her emotions well guarded and plans her stratergy well. Nobody knew what is she thinking about and the true way she felt about things. But when she voice out, she meant it, and nobody liked it.

During the first meeting of the Fellowship, all 3 of them fought for the same power, the leader. It is not determining the real seatings, but for an event. Then, the performances of them will be evaluated and reconsidered to take upon the real order. Votes were casted and DW was elected, Barium as his assistant. Hydrogen Trioxide got a very minor responsibility. Eventhough it was only an event, but it was a great oppurtunity to show off skills and qualities. Too bad Hydrogen Trioxide did not get the chance. She kept quiet, not showing any feelings. But in her heart, anger and dissapointment poured. After the meeting, Barium spoke to her. He just wanted to make sure that everything was okay. She lied.

It was until the second meeting when 3 of them met again. With DW on the lead, he conducted the meeting. Present were the late batch of committees and the newly on-evaluation process members. DW conducted in such a way that Hydrogen Trioxide could not stand it anymore. She rose and spoke. After the meeting 3 of them plus Etandioate, the previous leader together with some met in person. Hydrogen Trioxide siezed her chance. She expressed her views and thoughts. Everyone listened. She may not be completely correct but she made her point.

Not after long Hydrogen Trioxide was throned President of a Board. She suceeded the throne of Ethandioate. (Ethandioate was the previous leader of both the Board and the Fellowship) She was very proud and happy and for once, contented. Etandioate told her that she can never receive another throne from him. She respected his choice, afterall, she have got what she wanted for so long.

One day Etandioate talked to her concerning his selection of the right person to receive his position in the Fellowship. He told Hydrogen Trioxide about how he thought about both DW and Barium. She gave him her views, being very conservative and honest. Eventhough she felt very wasted not being his consideration of receiving the position, but at least she is totally okay with it. No anger, no dissapointment. Nothing.

The final judgement was made. Everyone was gathered and names fitted for each position were written down formally. Hydrogen Trioxide was sitting in her seat, apparently not really focusing until she heard her name called. She was elected the new leader for the Fellowship. She nearly chocked. Shocked and surprised, Hydrogen Trioxide looked around the room, looking for answers. DW was elected her vice while Barium, 3 ranks lower than hers. Barium extended his hand to congratulate a very confused Hydrogen Trioxide. She looked around. DW looked extremely upset but he said that he was okay. She had to believe eventhough she don't have a clear idea what was happening all around.

After dismissing, Barium dissapeared for explainations from the Advisor. Hydrogen Trioxide waited for explanations. Barium told her everything.

The previous members of the board prefered Barium as the suceeding leader but the Advisor thought that DW is more suitable. Hence, there was war. Both sides were equally adamant to their decision. Etandioate, as the leader, have no other choice, but to peace the fight. He proposed another name, Hydrogen Trioxide. Since both of them were unable to tolerate, they both supported the idea. Then, ta-da, Hydrogen Trioxide was the new throne receiver.


Barium told Hydrogen Trioxide that she do not have to think the whole incident in a negative way. Deep down, Hydrogen Trioxide felt herself of no value. She took it as an insult.The truth hit her like a slap on her face. She received the position not because she fought for it, not because she wanted it. She received it out of a fight, a action of mankind that destroys rationality and value. Like the Chinese Proverb story, 'the fight between a stork and a clam, the fisherman who reaps the fortune'. She felt very sorry for DW. He fought and did a lot for the position, but in the end he lost it due to the intolerance between 2 sides, all out of his control. The same goes to Barium. Hydrogen Trioxide did not even wanted the position. But since coins were fallen from the sky, she pocketed them.

Hydrogen Trioxide made Barium her second assistant. She vowed to be a great and respectable leader during her time. She just wanted to prove that, she became the leader because she fitted, not because of the decision of others. Until this day, she sincerely felt that DW no longer have the same attitude towards her as before. Hydrogen Trioxide knew that all of these are a part of growing up. She have to be strong. She knew that after this, there will be responsibilities and challenges she have to face alone. She knew that she have to manage her time well and conduct herself better.

That's why she was at least respected. People will hate, talk bad, or even backstab. She don't even care. If you dare to question her authority, see how you face defeat when she prove victory and salvate success. She is better than any tarot card reader. She knew what to do before somthing starts. She knew what she would face before what she encounter. That's her strengths.

But Hydrogen Trioxide is also another human being just like anyone else. She have her emotions eventhough she do not display them. She have her fears, eventhough she do not talk about them openly. She also have weaknesses, just that happens that she is smart enough not to exhibit them so that she would not have people to use tham against her. You may know what she wants, but you will never know what she doesn't want.

***END***
The above post is based on a true story. Characters' names are changed to protect privacy.

爱 (first time blogging in Chinese)

Love suffers long and is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈。爱是不嫉妒。爱是不自夸。不张狂。不作害羞的事。不求自己的益处。不轻易发怒。不计算人的恶.不喜欢不义。只喜欢真理。凡事包容。凡事相信。凡事盼望。凡事忍耐。1哥林多人前书 13:4-8

你们到底懂不懂爱?
你们或许会认为我冷漠,无情,不意味爱. 事实上,不了解,不懂得,不知晓爱的,正是你们呀!
你们因为误会了爱,所以导致自己受伤害;因为错觉了爱,使自己执迷不悟的浪费了一切.
就因为花心思,时间,金钱,就叫爱吗?
就因为感觉,所以爱吗?
就因为喜欢,所以赴汤蹈火的保护一个人吗?
告诉你们,你们太天真了!

你们爱来爱去,最后也不是因为爱而收场?
你们轰轰烈烈的一场恋爱,也不是草草了事的结束?
如果这是爱,那问什么才是爱?

老土的一句:问世间情为何物?
答也老土一句,圣经里的1哥林多人前书 13:4-8.

我之所以领悟,才真正体会爱!

爱一点也不神秘.
爱处处都存在,处处都留下痕迹.
爱永不熄灭,爱值得拥有.
只要花点时间,慢慢思索,用心体会,你就能发现真爱.
爱不难寻找,因为爱就在你身边.
你们因为不成熟,所以从来没有发现它的存在.

我对爱的领悟是无私.
就因无私,所以伟大.

你们说过我很难爱上一个
我不否认.
因为我热爱的是生命.

我爱我的家人,朋友.
我了解他们,体谅他们.
当他们需要我时,我愿意陪伴他们.
当他们需要帮助是,我肯帮助他们.
我能因为他们成功,而为他们感到快乐,光荣.
我也因为他们伤心,而替他们感到难过.
我也因为他们受伤,而为他们打抱不平.
我也因为他们吃亏,而替他们感到不值得.

我爱人类.
我爱他们的人生.
所以我立志当医生
去添补他们的缺陷
去保护他们的生命
去照顾他们的福利
让人类爱惜生命,珍惜拥有
让人类消除怨恨,热爱和平

我认为,爱要大公无私.

自私自利的爱
假公济私的爱
能满足一时的欲望,
但一定不能永久

张开双眼看这世界
爱
无所不在

就因为爱而爱
这才叫做爱.



PS: 要我爱上一个人,让我感动吧!
或许我不够成熟,所以没资格批评爱.

After Reading

I just finished the book I borrowed from Shin Peih. It's entitled '第八号当铺', directly translating english, 'pawnshop no.8'. I know, this book has already been on the racks since ages ago, but since I have already 'disconnected' from the world of chinese novels, I decided to give it a try.

Not bad after all.

It's a story about dealings. In pawnshop no.8, one can exchange anyhting for anything.......meaning, you can exchange your body oragns, love, luck and anyhting else for success, glory, fame, money, prosperity...... Basically it is just like this. The part gets interesting when you see how they suffer under their own choices, sacrifices.......

I learnt something....appreciation.

But after reading, I kept thinking about the pawnshop. If, if, if and only if these were true, then would I baragin something for another? Maybe success, maybe wealth, maybe fame......then I would like to sacrifice something, but what would it be? Everyhting is precious to me. Success, wealth and fame can be earned over time, unnecessary to bargain them over my life.

Would you do so if given a chance to change your life? Fast and guaranteed. But at your own risk.

Enjoy.

Farewell Party - A Success

The Farewell Party I organised ended successfully on 2nd November. A month later, I wrote this blog to express my feelings...a bit late, but better than never.

Roll of Honour
I would like to express my heartiest thanks to


Yoong Sin and Yoong Ling

a.k.a the twins,
my secretary and treasurer
my best friends......
Without them, there will be no farewell.
There will be no compliments, no success.
From the very first day I was elected the president, they have been greatly supporting me. They gave me advices when I firstly had some communication and misunderstanding problems with my members. They helped me make wise decisions, giving me honest opinions and thoughts. They helped me control and conduct my members, and also helped me solve serious problems.
Without them, I can never be a good leader.
They have been my eyes and ears. They worked hard and played their role with full responsibility. For the farewell, they did most of the work. They strained themselves physically and mentally for the success of the event. From financial planning to presents, they played an important role. They did not even had much food during the event. They helped me back up and adapt to changes during that day. They worked hard, never complaining.
How could I ever ask for more?


Eng Yap
President of Library Board 06/07
He is not easy to please, and it was no easy job being his succesor. Although he is very arrogant, proud and confident, he has a valid reason to do so. He hs been a very good example to follow. I learned loads from him. Thinking skills, courage, confidence, spontanousity...... When I faced problems (mostly concerning my members and teachers), I turned to him for advice and help. He provided me with guidelines and directions. He indirectly built my directing skills, job attitude and time management. Although I can never be as good as he is, I am still very good in my job, and the best among all on my year.
That's why I am President.


Suat Teng
for collecting money

Azman and Kalai
for being MCs. You both were the best I have ever seen.

Aik Cheong and Suresh
for being receptionists.

Shih Wei
for performing on the clarinet and flute.

Michelle, Suganthi, Mahendran and Charis
for the performance, although it didnt worked....sorry for the PA.

Cherry
for helping me on the survey and invitations. You are one of the most effective people I have ever seen.

Boon Fei
for borrowing me the player when I cannot find a laptop last minute. I knew you had a lot in mind and not in a great mood, but I still disturbed you a lot.......so sorry. And for calming me down when I was fustrated and not in an excellent mood during class.

Jun Bin
for entertaining all teachers when all the guests arrived late.

All of you who attended
who made the event a cheerful one.
who made my plan worked smoothly.
who made me so proud of my librarians.
who made me appreciate all of you.
who made me deserve the post as president.


Fantastic 4!! That's Eng Yap and the twins.


Such a complete photo, too bad I wasn't focusing.....hmmmm..... Committee 06/07 and 07/08.

TOLD YOU, I AM THE BEST ON MY YEAR, AND THAT'S WHY I GOT ELECTED AS PRESIDENT.
AND IT WAS PROVEN, OKAY?
ONE PROVERB FOR YOU, 'DO NOT JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER'.
I MAY LOOK NOT SUITABLE BUT IF I AM NOT, NO ONE ELSE IS.
I MADE MISTAKES, BUT WHO DON'T? I NEED TIME TO LEARN.
NOW I HAVE PICKED UP SPEED, AND I HAVE PLAYED MY PART WELL.
IN FACT, AFTER THE FAREWELL, YOU WERE IMPRESSED. DON'T DENY IT. THAT'S MOST PROBABLY WHY YOU KEPT QUIET.
TOLD YOU, I CAN.
I CAN NEVER FORGET HOW YOU HUMILIATED ME BEFORE.
HOW YOU TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT HOW YOU FELT TOWARDS THE WAY I DID THINGS.
HOW YOU THREW YOUR TEMPER TOWARDS ME IN PUBLIC.
HOW YOU EMBARRASED ME AND MY COMMITTEE IN FRONT OF ALL.
HOW COULD I EVER FORGET?
HOW COULD I EVER FORGIVE?
I WANT YOU TO SWALLOW BACK THOSE WORDS.
AND DON'T YOU DARE TO THREATHEN ME WITH THOSE WORDS THAT YOU WANT TO FIRE ME.
I AM NOT SCARED.
BECAUSE IF YOU DO SO, WHO DARES TO SUCCEED MY PLACE.
WHO FITS?
THINK. NOT EVEN A SINGLE SOUL.

In The Name of My Father

In fondest memories of
HEE CHEU KUAN
Father,
Loyal civil servant,
Great tutor, engineer,
Role model,
Best friend.

人家说, 失去爸爸的孩子, 一定比别人更坚强,更有志气.
是的, 不见得我比任何人来得脆弱.
但人类是富有感情的动物.
有时候, 不外表的感触, 只是收藏在心底的伤痕累累.
不哽咽的哭泣, 是默默的把眼泪, 往肚里吞.
思念本是一种很自私自利的感觉.
我独吞的怀念, 是我一个人的感触.
但我的感触,始终挽不回一个人的存在.
唯有爸爸在我脑海里不朽的回忆, 才能留着他永恒的生命.
我不寂寞.
死去的只不过是一副躯体
活着的是一个曾经存在的力量.
他的精神死不去, 而将永远伴我而行.

As far as I could remember, dad was a great guy.
He loves golf a lot. Still remembering him playing every Sunday morning. I used to make noise from preventing him going so that he can take me to the park. But obviously failed. Dad bought a plastic toy golf set for me once. He taught me how to hold the club, how to swing, how to poise. When he was free, he would empty his golf bag, telling me the numbers on those clubs and what particular situation is suitable for which club. Dad only uses white golf balls. He promised me to teach me the proper way of playing golf when I turn 16. I was 6 that year.
The promise was meant to be broke.

Dad used to take me to the park near our house. I always wished for sunny evenings when he cannot find any excuse not bringing me there. Every time before leaving, we would look up the orange sky. I would then face the brighter part of the sky and try to guess whether it is west or east. When dusk falls, the road back home was lighted by orange street lights, accompanied by the rolling of the wheels of a bike, footsteps of an adult, and an unmistakable laughter.

Dad simply loves classical music. He got us a well enough surround system just for the purpose. He loves Chopin the most above all. I still can remember Vivaldi’s Spring ringing in my ears when I woke up. Sometimes, just to spice up the atmosphere during cooling nights, we would turn on the bulb lights, which emits a dim, romantic glow. I always hated that light. Then we would talk about Debussy and his songs written especially for children, Mozart and his early discovered talent……
When we drove back to Johor for Chinese new year, I would always fight to sit on the passenger seat in front. Then Dad will give me a map, and I will spend my time on the car matching mountains with symbols on the map. Dad always receives projects in Cameron Highlands so we went there often enough. He will tell me different town names as we mount the hill. I can still remember, Lata Iskandar Waterfalls on the foot, then Tanah Rata, then Brinchang……

Dad loves astronomy very much. I was 10 when the government first introduced online services in the government sector. Dad used the company’s computer to get his hands on the news about NASA and astronomy. He reads Einstein, Stephen Hawking, and Issac Assimov. At night, he will bring me to the garden and we will gaze up to the stars. Then, Dad will start pointing and telling me about names of stars, constellations. I rarely pay attention during those days. I just knew about Orion’s belt, the Great Dipper, Sirius and sometimes, by luck, I can spot Mars.

30 November 2000, I knew I would never see him again. On that day, I lost my father, my mentor, my best friend. The world is never fair. They took away a great guy but let thousands of useless people live.

Bye bye lower six, Hello (goddamn it) upper six...

It's the last day being a LOWER SIX FORMER. But according to Cekap Tuition Centre, we are already considered UPPER SIX FORMERS, because the current batch had already gone for their STPM. Okay, say whatever you want. I realised that time files.

So, I am going to briefly say what had happened to my school life being a lower six former so far....

JUNE
Start of school. Have a damn hard time debating over issues about transfering school. Finally settled down in SMK Maxwell, the 'school behind Dynasty Hotel'. Felt damn grateful to go to school everyday, despite the 1 hour ride. The canteen food sucked. Represented the school for chess. Lost. Been forced to dance. Thank god rejected the 'generous offer'. Made new friends, but not much. First friend to know in Maxwell is See Bee.

JULY
Became the President of Resource Centre Board. Damn happy and honoured. Had social issues with members. Hated by art class people. School was flooded. Reported loss of RM1 million. Hishamuddin visited together with a whole damn lot of reporters. Appeared on TV3 prime news. Hated by Chemistry teacher. Overslept in the bus on the way to school. Walked from Chow Kit to school. Witnessed the first couple in school, a guy from my class with a girl from next door. Made more friends. Yen yuen is a good friend.

AUGUST
Monthly test, did not prepare much, but scored CGPA 3.33 out of luck. Best grade in Chemistry in class. Made friends with art class people. Overcame some social skill problems. Mahendran said: 'At first I thought Azman was going to be the President, but you became, I doubted your abilities. Now I knew I am wrong because you are better, and you are the only upper AJK I respected.' damn touched and happy. Had issues with Liza, but I always knew she was wrong.

SEPTEMBER
Started to plan for farewell event. Faced obstacles. Came for extra classes in school and slept three quarter of the class. Went for squash practices in Titiwangsa
Stadium, by Zi Qin's car. Managed to 'squeeze' into the semi finals. Started to hang out with koperasi people. Michelle kissed a guy during truth or dare. Attracted atention from the next class.

OCTOBER
Finals approached. Damn unprepared. Nearly flunked maths. Can't hear a word during MUET listening test. Started to skip class, but managed to escape some teachers's eyes. Went Bukit Tinggi to do the insect project. Had fun. Again had issues with Liza. Library's fund was not enough to support a lot of events. Planned for cross country under last minute time range. Potentially nominee for house captain next year, but I will reject the offer. Hung out in Sungai Way for yhe first time in my life with friends. Hated it.

SEPTEMBER
Successfully ran farewell. Releived. The first couple in school broke up. The guy was devastated. Liza started to show some respect towards me. Skipped school for one whole day because did not feel like going. Went to Suresh's home during Deepavali open house. Went back to school during holidays for soil sampling projects. Went to FRIM with classmates for quadrat sampling and line transect. Ate beehoon in library and got caught by Anita. Boon Fei followed music classses with me and paid me cheap enough.

It's almost the end of 2007.........

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
help me because I have done nothing for myself......

A Day to Remember

This was ages ago….but I had to put this up because it was a memorable and meaningful event. So we were informed about this a day before. I wanted to donate because it’s charity. The twins agreed to do so but when we sneaked a peek during the blood donation of our seniors, they freaked out slightly. I mean the process looks painful!! So we lined up and got all the forms filled and I was required to pass up a parents permission form because I was underage…damn, but I faked the signature. So we waited for the officers from the National Blood Centre to take our blood sample for blood type test, pressure check and weigh check. Zi Qin was eliminated because she was lighter than 45kg. I don’t know why but I spilt the bean telling that I faked the signature. So the bloody officer did not permit me for the blood donation. Round 2- out!! Damn. Boon Fei and Kabilan were smart though. Hey were both a month younger than me and they faked the sign too but nobody took notice of them. They allowed him to donate. Ishnavin was boasting about him donating but he did not even dare to do so. Michelle underweight, huh too bad, cannot donate. So Yoong Ling got to donate first so I became the official cameraman for the event, taking their K800i and began snapping everyone’s photo during that event. The National Blood Centre officers were not entirely happy about the idea because I am constantly blocking their way. So Zi Qin and I began walking around.

The officer told Yoong Ling to open and close her palm while she inserted a damn bloody freakingly long needle with a pipe into her arm. Instantly, blood flowed out and filled the bag. When the bag was almost filled, the officer cut the pipe and adjusted the pressure. Then she left Yoong Ling lying down, legs slightly up to regulate the blood flow. Then it was Yoong Sin’s turn. Somehow the officer poked wrongly and the blood flow was extremely slow. So she beagn frowning and throwing the quarterly filled blood bag to the floor. Then when nothing changed, she threw the bag to Yoong Sin’s stomach. Then she asked Yoong Sin whether she wanted to change hands. Zi Qin and I were extremely shocked because the damn woman was totally not a pro!! And after that, Yoong Sin’s arm was visibly blue black, while she clambered down the chair, cursing. Yoong Ling was still left lying on her seat longer than anyone else, not forgetting her being the first. Nobody seems interested to attend to her.

All donators were given a small red book to record how many times you have donated blood. It seems that all blood donators have privelleges in government hospitals. Wow!! And they were treated breakfast, which is milo and biscuits. And they did get a certificate. Mentioning I am the cameraman, I went around to disturb the others. Suganthi and Rishilla from my class donated blood too. Pn Annie Clara wanted to donate but somehow she was not allowed to do so. Nobody paid attention to Apichat. Pity!! Then Yvette and Chai Ling came too. We had fun assembling everyone and taking photos. Oh yeah, Najib and his friend was playing a fool joking around after donating, and suddenly the guy fainted. Everybody thought he was joking but after Najib started yelling for help then we only realized it was real. Phew huh. Next year I swear, I must donate no matter what!!

After the donation we went for Maxwell Open- interclass squash competition in Titiwangsa Stadium. It was fun!! For girls, Champion-Yoong Sin, first runner up, Yoong Ling and second runner up, Sin Yee. For guys, Champion- Ten Jien, first runner up-Kian Lu and second runner up- Hong Peng. The guys were great and their match was all highly competitive. Where else in girls, you can get results such as 9-0. But enjoyed it though.

We took the bus home as usual but this time we got a chance to take Rapid KL, and the interior looks like an aeroplane!! When you take these types of buses to school it’s really suitable for a nap.

A simple and normal day as usual but I got to know my schoolmates better. For me as a person of lousy social skills, I can do great help to improve my interactive skills. And I also treasure the friendship with my closest friends. Great day for a great life!!

Freedom

This world we live in is a large biosphere. People living in it are diverse in various ways. They have different thoughts, ways to handle things, lifestyle, attitude and more. That is why we have a term named freedom. Due to the fact that we are not biologically and psychologically the same, we require freedom to get things done. Freedom in the sense that we still follow the guideline provided, generate new ideas to improve, be creative and innovative. In one point or another in our lives, we have to learn how to let go and let others to have the opportunity to receive the responsibility. Every country changes their prime ministers, presidents, kings, ministers. Every company and cooperation has different directors, managers during the time of their development. Every family business will somehow been bestowed to the next generation in a long time span. Every education institutes changes their principals, head of departments, academic staff. Everywhere we go, we can see the more experienced and dutiful handing over their jobs and responsibilities to the coming batch of eager people. Those who are about to receive the title may not have enough experience. They also may not have the skill and the proper abilities towards their new duty. They may also lack some working and leadership skills. But they learn. They take time to learn. No matter how much they have in personality, they will always be short of one thing, experience. No individual is born with experience. Going through life is an experience. When a newly elected leader handles his or her duty, they require more time and chances to get things done. By doing it slow and steady, they will sure gain experience. The process of evaluating their skills can be steady and effective, once they have enough knowledge to handle their duty, they will pick up speed and improve even faster, and impress the others.

A leader always has his or her first experience of leading a team. A perfect leader is always near impossible to find. As the chairperson of the resource centre board, I hereby declare that this is my first time taking up such a high position. The resource centre board is considered one of the largest and most constant servicing body in the school. This is due to the fact that we provide the most important medium towards the development of academia in school, which are resources. A school is an institution, where it follows the national philosophy of education, which is to produce individuals who are of high discipline, wide in knowledge in various aspects and able to contribute towards the development of society and country in the future. The resource centre provides the most basic and fundamental requirements for students to gain direct access towards reading materials, electronic media and also the environment and place to do their own studies, hold discussions, do researches and more. The resource centre is a strong student orgainsation body, which importance cannot be denied. As the chairperson, I direct, manage, organise, and supervise the progression and the committee who work with me. For positions such as the vice chairperson, the secretaries, treasurers, media committee, discipline committee, they are the most important and considered my eyes and my ears to also cooperate with me in the task of supervising and generating improvements. In my case, I consider myself fortunate due to the fact that I have a very dedicated and effective committee working for me.

The teacher advisor, as suggested by the title, acts as an advisor towards the board. Our duty is make sure that she is well informed and also get some of her opinion from her point of view. However, to really maintain our quality and achieve more improvement, it can only depend on our own initiative and willingness. The teacher advisor also has other responsibilities besides the resource centre. Besides, she is always an individual. But we are different. We are always an organisation. She, as an individual, makes mistakes where she herself may not know. She also has only her own point of view. But we, as an organisation, have different ideas and views. When we come out with a new idea, other committee members can help to improve the original idea. Because we are a team, we can function towards the optimum by accepting and altering various ideas. This is called the accumulation of intelligence. If we are too dependent on the teacher advisor, we are actually also burdening her indirectly. Understand her, she make mistakes. If we just obey blindly without filtering and thinking properly then we are not thinking maturely. We are already grown teenagers, young adults by now. We are able to think critically and make wise decisions. By not taking things too personally and emotionally, we can even generate more conductive changes and conclusions. By now, teachers only function as guides. We do not head straight towards them when we have difficulties and problems. As I said, we are a team. We discuss and solve it rationally first. Then when it is serious enough, then we only find the teacher. When we sub everything to her, we are pushing away our responsibility, and to me, it seems incapable in doing your own duty as given. Solving problems is a part of the learning process. If you require a third person to help you every time, you cannot grow and mature. You may only settle things temporarily but on the long run, you fail to do so. Nobody in the working society likes people who cannot solve problems and it is a fact in the working environment in the resource centre.

As the chairperson, I indeed do my duty since the day I am elected. My first major task- Election of Newly Appointed Librarians. I only have 3 days to prepare for the whole event. A 30 minute scene on stage requires a background job of management and supervision. Who conducted the committee meetings? The constant meetings? Who designed the formation? Who consulted the seniors for extensive information to improve the event? Who does all the assumptions and predictions of the ceremony? Who thought about the potential problems? Who supervised the collection of fees and money for ties, vests, badges, program booklets? Who conducted the rehearsal? Who reminded everyone to wear the attire required? Who asked for the preparation of the scripts for the MC? Who thought about the ceremony pattern? Ok. It’s the chairperson. Besides, it is the same person who got the blame and complaints when there are not enough vests, too expensive prices for badges and vests, too early to gather and not enough ties. It is also the same person who got laughed when the first two attempts to launch the election ceremony failed due to the rain, who got wind that her fellow librarians were dissatisfied because of the 2 consequent days they were required to gather earlier for nothing, who have to run here and there during lessons to inform different people of their duty, who have to lose her cool and shouted to make her fellow librarians to listen eventhough she did not want to do so. These are called responsibilities. My responsibilities do not have a solid outcome. It is not the same as decorations, where you can see boards fully decorated to indicate to what extend she or he had done her duty. It is also not the same as stock, games, processing and more. These duties require you to stay in the library to get things done because all your tools, paperwork, files are all in the resource centre. My job does not bind me only in the resource centre. My range is wider because I have to come out with new managing systems and to enable that, my duty is to think, discuss and brainstorm among my committees. Sometimes it is individual work, other times it is teamwork and collaboration. I do not need to be in the resource centre every time because my resources do not come from there. Because I am not present in the resource centre does not mean that I have nothing to do. To improve, do you know that I have to pull out old files and check through them? I have to know about the tradition and the managing system of the past few years and filter through then I absorb the best way? Then do you know that I have to design new systems for different departments? Before doing so do you know that I have to get opinions from every head of departments, know their abilities, and know their restrictions? Then I have to supervise their progress and know what they lack and what they have. Then I have to know what the most serious problem is and design a system to be more focused on the improvement of that particular sector. Then I have to pass my idea to my secretary, where she will put it into black and white. Then again I have to brief the head of departments of the new system. I also will have to check them from time to time and observe how they adapt to the new system. Then I have to know whether it is effective or not? Can it solve problems? Is it acceptable? These, all requires 100% handling skills and thinking abilities. No solid outcome. Can people see it? Not everyone. As a chairperson I do not like to exhibit my way of working. If you can see me everyday in the resource centre but still there are no results, I do not see the point of doing so. It is true that I have to supervise the condition of the daily duties everyday, which I did. I only have to be there for a short while. If you complaint about nobody coming for duties, what can I do? Can I scold the leader on duty? Can I be angry? No I cannot because this is not the way I solve things. If you think that I do not know that such situations happened that you are very wrong. I know every move from top to bottom. What I will do is I collect names of those who were absent from duty and take action after that. The leaders of daily duties will issue reports to me. From there, I will give the names for those who did not perform their duties well to the disciplinary department. They will take action according to the rules in the resource centre. That is how I solve problems. And you know what? The way I does things will go unseen. Why? Because of one thing. This does not yield any solid results. The duty I do is a continuing process. The orders I give is a part of my process. Supervision. Management. Conductivity. A process. No results. Only conclusions.

I am still very new for this job. I always need advises, and I find cooperation very important. I am truly very thankful because I have a very strong committee to back me up when situations become out of hands. Credits to Azman for helping me and backing me up. Yoong Sin for being the best secretary in the world. For handling paperwork so effectively and helping me generate ideas for improvement. See Bee for giving me the support that I always needed. Yoong Ling for handling the most difficulties in financial planning and giving me the advice that I always needed. Suat Teng for being the most cooperative person and effective handling skills and also helping me in certain areas of problem solving. Mahendran for settling disciplinary problems without me worrying. Michelle for getting things done and listening to my problems. Cherry for helping me out with some of the difficulties I faced and the situation control during meetings. Also thanks to Kalai, Murni, Hafiza, Pei Fong, Suresh and Aik Cheong for being my friend and backing me up. Thanks to seniors for giving me the opportunity. The trust that is bestowed to me is truly sincere and I am very sure that I can be an excellent leader. I am currently improving myself and on the run towards more improvement. The freedom that you gave me, I just want you to know that I am using all of it towards its maximum and appreciating it. The road that I am running is long, bumpy, and full with holes and barriers but I know that there is a better world in the finish line.

Monthly Test (S, WTF, WTH...and every swear word you know)

After a damn long break after SPM, this is the first time I sat for an exam.
Monthly Test 2007.

Nobody is amused.
Let's run a test-roll:
Pengajian Am- Kerr-plunk-ed at the kenegaraan part. Unfortunately for me, I totally FORGOT to prepare a ruler for the friggin' graph. Ended up drawing it using MY name TAG. Overall: disaster.

Maths- Screwed paper 2 throughoutly. Have no idea that the bloddy box-plot have to be drawn on the GRAPH PAPER PROVIDED, thank God until last minute realised and changed. And went totally blank on the mean and standard deviation part. Lack of constant practice. ;(

Chemistry- Do not even know the answer for, well, question 1. Confidence crippled when did not know how to answer for most of the questions in objective part. In structure question accidentally crossed out the right answer because I was in a rush while checking. WTF. Wasted marks. ON SOMETHING I DAMN WELL KNEW.

MUET- Check out the essay question:
In our exam-oriented society, students appear to be less interested in volunteerism. Does this mean that our education system has failed to nurture the spirit of volunteerism among our youth?Write your opinion, giving relevant examples, in not fewer than 350 words.
It was like SO DAMN DIFFICULT. I was crapping throughout the whole damn essay. Furthermore, 1 hour only to finish the question, plus a cloze passage in front.

It was a total DUH-situation. Nobody wasted their breath NOT swearing after the bloody exam. Our class even postponed the whole damn exam schedule due to some 'technical problems' with the test papers.

Oh yeah, to the school, thnks fr th mmrs.

Conclusions of a 2-week Observation

Librarians on probation knew that the meeting was extremely important and could not afford to be missed. At 1.30pm sharp, all of them gathered in the school library, not forgetting to mention, punctual. Committee members of session 2006/2007 were in front. The secreatry, Kim Cheong was writing a list of posts on the whiteboard. Pn.Liza was wearing a serious expression on her face, talking in low voices to Eng Yap, the president. Quickly everyone took their seats, and fell silent when Eng Yap rose to his feet. The moment of truth was revealed.
I was paralysed with anxiety. Every librarian knew that I targeted for the post as the president. I knew that my chances were quite high, but still I believed that I had my competitors. Azman and See Bee were nominated as president as well, and they were quite qualified for the post that I had ambited. Eng Yap was casually reading each name for each post in front. I glanced the whiteboard in front. The post for president was still blank. The lower part of the board was already filled with names. Another minute from that moment.......My palms sweated as Suat Teng gave me an encouraging pat on my hand.
Climax. Kim Cheong was writing Suat Teng's name on the board for vice treasurer. I heard her name being called as she stood up in recognition. Then it was Yoong Ling for treasurer. See Bee's name was called for vice secretary, followed by Yoong Sin's as secretary. I was praying hard, knuckles white. Kim Cheong's marker pen was gliding on the board, forming an alphabeht on the whiteboard, next to the semicolon after the post vice president. The blue ink bore an 'A'. There was no 'A' in my name. I was paralysed with relief when I heard Azman's name called, as the vice president. When my name was announced, I stood up and looked around the library. My fellow librarians were clapping. Suresh, Aik Cheong and the others extended their hands towards my direction, and I took them one by one, thanking them as I listened to their words of congratulations. As I was requested to make a speech in front, I could not stop smiling.
Even the sky seems perfect that day. I am elected president of Library Board SMK Maxwell, and I am happy and proud. I know that in future I have a lot to cope with, but I am glad that I top everybody else to br given this oppurtunity to experience the responsibility.

Stuff I found out since I became President
1. Most of the librarians hated duty
They question the committee members why top-6 committees were allowed to be excluded
from duties. Yoong Sin pissed off and barked that the committee members were FAR more bussier than librarians, due to the fact we need to do a lot of management and directing work.

2. Most of the librarians liked wearing the vest but hated wearing long sleeve shirts
They will dutifully wear the vest every assembly, but a lot complained that long sleeve shirts were not appropraite due to the weather. Malaysia huh. My class resembled a sauna approximately 11am onwards everyday.

3. Most of the Head of Departments have no idea what are they supposed to do
Such as Ketua Kerja Luar. Aik Cheong had no idea what he was suposed to be in charged of before I enlightened him on some aspects of his work. Actually I did not know that much at first. As well as Discpline. Mahendran tends to go overboard, to Michelle's annoyance. He controled discpline ranging from handphones to morality. Wow...Today I settled his limitations. Mahendran seems troubled. But he was one capable guy.

4. Committee Members are effective and efficient people
They do their job great. Yoong Sin proved to me that she was one great secretary. Her minutes are flawless when I checked everytime. All name lists and duty charts can be done in less than 24 hours. See Bee was not bad either. Also with Yoong Ling and Suat Teng, the Library Board will never run out of money. Azman is very supportive and he did great help to me. Overall, big thanks to them and I really appreciated their enthusiasm.

5. When my fellow schoolmates see me, they see the Library Board
I have no idea this is bad or not. When I went to other classes to find my friends, librarians will stand up first, expecting me to find them as to pass some responsibilities to them. It startled me at first. Then when I thought about it, I found that everytime I went to talk to my classmates, it was usually about Library Board's stuff. Never casual talk. It horrified me.

6. According to seniors, I am way too serious
They said that I can take control of the whole situation, but in an unfriendly manner. They said I rarely smiled. When I do something, I take it seriously. According to them, I should treat everything in a moderate manner.

7. Seniors trust me
According to the twins, Eng Yap knew that I am capable. I just wished that I do not fail their trust. And I believe that I would not.

8. Some of my classmates have the impression that I am very matured in thoughts
They said I knew how to handle something before I did it. They said that I can judge something objectively and critically and make wise decisions. My decisions are always wise, with detailed reasons. According to them. Not to boast, indeed I am elevating my thinking skills. I am already a young adult now. It is my responsibility to have matured thinking skills. Furthermore I am leading a team. I have to improve and outstand the rest, to lead my team to achieve excellency.

9. Being unpopular is common
I have the impression that I was not widely liked. Some of the librarians think that I am arrogant and too strict. In class, I found out that I cannot fit in to most casual conversations.

10. I liked being busy
I enjoyed every moment I am burdened with different tasks. Conducting meetings, checking duties, establishing new systems, keeping records up to date, solving conflicts, discussing about events....... I liked the feeling being in authority. It keeps me motivated.

Being the president is no easy task. I am not born a leader, but I am learning to be a great one. I recieve criticisms like I breath in oxygen. Open mindedness is my personality. Above all, I would like to thank all seniors who gave me the chance of a lifetime. And I appreciated all librarians in giving me such co-operation and support. Without you, I am nothing.

Tagged.....(murmur)

Did this out of boredom. When I say boredom, I meant boredom.


Layer 1: On the outside
Name: Hee Hui Ting
Birth Date: 5th October 1989
Current Status: Single (enjoying my bachelorhood)
Eye Colour: Black
Hair Colour: Depends (black when it is short, turns slightly brown when it is long, lack of protein i guess)

Layer 2: On the inside
My Heritage: Chinese
My Fears: heights. I cannot go beyond 10th floor with an escalator
My Weaknesses: Temper. Throwing swear words in front of teachers isn't something to be proud of.
My Perfect Pizza:Any

Layer 3: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
My First Thoughts of waking Up: Do I have to?
My Bed Time: Depends.
Variables: Weekends, boring classes and in the bus way to school.
My Most Missed Memories : Mamaking with friends

Layer 4: My Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonalds
Single or Group Dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Tea or Nestea: Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanila
Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino
This section is so lame.....

Layer 5: Do You..
Smoke: Never
Curse: Always
Take A Shower: Everyday, dude.
Have A crush: So what if I do?
Go To School: Of course.
Want To Get Married: Enjoying bacheloorhood.
Believe In Youself:always.
Think You’re A Health Freak:No. Very health UN-concious. Likes every damn food on earth.

Layer 6: In The Past
Drink Alcohol: Hell yeah!!
Gone to the Mall: Who dosen't?
Been on Stage: Sure.
Eaten Sushi: Yeah. Expensive though.
Dyed Your Hair: Why should I do so?

Layer 7: Have You Ever..
Played A Stripping Game: Yikes!!
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: Always. This is just to adapt.

Layer 8: Are You Hoping To..
Get Married: Not now.

Layer 9: In A Girl/Guy
Best Eye Colour: Whatever.
Best Hair Colour: Whatever.
Short or Long Hair: Guys with long hair look like pirates. And I hate pirates.

Layer 10: What You Were Doing
A Minute Ago: Reading my own blog.
An Hour Ago: Having dinner.
Four And A Half Hours Ago:Went shopping.
A Month Ago: Twisted my bloody ankle.
A Year Ago: Studying Sejarah like a mad man.

Layer 11: Finish The Sentences
I Love: The Da Vinci Code.
Hate: Flirters.
I Hide: Personal feelings towards someone else.
I Miss: St. Mary's
I Need: A break.

Layer 12: Tag 5 People
no one to tag....Chose not to disturb others. haha.


Thanks Sheng Han. It was quite enjoyable. A funny way to kill time.

Review

Defense is a very natural and normal feedback of human beings. But people choose different methods to present their defensive attitude. Some talk behind backs, using anonymous identities. Some chose to bombard directly in front of the offenders. Whether what method you choose, it is of one purpose, to clarify your views and stand on your belief. I am a believer of the freedom of voice. Mass media created in these days proved that the world have high demands of different views. People write reviews to criticize, they wrote articles, drew comic strips, went on TV shows, had press conferences, just to make use of the convenience of free media to speak their thoughts. This is the accumulation of intelligence. Politicians use the criticisms of opponents to improve their strategy, so tat they can run a better country. Economists accept different views to improve the world wide trade. Film directors use reviews to improve their techniques. Hotel directors use feedbacks to enhance their servicing qualities. The world is a give and take medium. One party has to rely on another, simply just to improve.

On, my post titled School of ROCK(Restless, Obnoxious, Childish Kids), I voiced out my dissatisfaction towards SMKRA via my blog. Apparently my link leaked out somehow and it became an issue. I understand the fact that you gave me negative comments due to your defensive behaviour. It is ok to defend the party you belong to. You got angry and dissatisfied because I had provoked the party you belong to. Fine. So what you must do? Easy. You defend and fought back, just like what you did, posting negative comments and giving me all sorts of names. Ok. Great, but some of you got it wrong. You defense by crticising Us. By right I am the only one who wrote the blog, why you judge me as a representative to my previous and current school? I am always an individual. If you attack, attack me alone. Leave the others out of this business because they were uninvolved. If you do so, this is very unfair for them. I did something that made me the attention. Let me solve it myself, leave the others out of it. If you have any prejudice towards my current and previous schools then you got it wrong. They are good and polite students with a bright future ahead, so keep them out of this issue. Let me show you how to defend. You state what have I overlooked. You state your qualities, the unique cultures, things that can be proud of. Like Malaysia. Do you think that Malaysia is the best country in the world? Surely not. Easily Singapore can beat Malaysia by its strong socio-economy growth and advance in science and technology. But we defend by saying that Malaysia has unique cultures that Singapore does not have in possession. And it goes on like that. We do not defend by saying: So what if Singapore is so advanced? They are blah blah blah (I do not want to comment on this issue due to political restrictions. I just want to make a point clear). Then this is wrong. By talking bad about Singapore would not make Malaysia seems the better, it only reflects the inability of Malaysians to have critical thinking skills. Same thing. By saying St. Marians and Maxwellians are lousy and immoral would not make you a saint. It only mirrors your naïve and childish thoughts and the immaturity to think like an adult.

We came to your school, and you do not even treated us like a part of it. Your teachers made the point very clear. They distributed worksheets to people who “are going to remain here”. So what about the others? Before we can get our transfer, who are we? We anted to be a part in your school but your teachers made us had the feeling that we were just refugees habituating in your school temporarily, then we were gone for good. We were co-operative in the sense that we accepted your school rules. We even bought school badges when requested. When the school requires us to present something for teachers’ day we even contributed ideas. We also helped to clean the physics lab. We attended classes and made an effort to listen. So how can you call us arrogant? We can manage to adapt to such situations, completely diverse from the environment we were brought up with. Everyone has a limit to things. I do not deny the fact that some of us may have offended you all but we sometimes cannot stand the way we were treated. So when you all felt offended what should you do? You confront us and say it clear on our face, not smearing my blog with secret identities after the incidents. By the way, I am very sure that not only I wrote negative things about your school. Many of us did. So I guess I just got ‘lucky’ because somehow you all managed to find my blog first. But this is still my blog. It is free for anyone to leave comments or to read. If you do not want to publish a comment on my blog, then don't. Nobody is forcing anyone. The use for you to leave comments only functions as a interactive part.

Your school conducted an orientation session for us. The purpose of orientation is to introduce us towards your school, as well as the totally new subjects in form 6. But I find it very weird when your school kept brainwashing us to make us stay. The very first thing you asked us was to show a shower of hands to indicate those who wish to transfer.
You knew the majority were transferring. Instead of respecting our choice, you treated us with bias from the very first day. You assembled all teachers to speak about the subject they teaches, but some of them kept the whole session running by saying all sorts of things to make us change our mind to transfer. You even managed to gather a few ex students to say about the experience they had during their time in your school. I acknowledge the fact that your school has the potential to produce excellent students. The group that talked to us was only about 10 or more. What about the rest? Did they feel the same thing about their school? Did they have same views about the teachers and the teaching methods? 10 of them do not represent the whole ex SMKRA students. Even the 10 of them have any dissatisfactions previously they would not have dared to talk publicly due to the reason they respected their alma mater. The million dollar question is, why bother to convince us to stay if you had the confidence that your school is good? You let go. You should not have paid too much attention on worrying who is going to leave and why. We got tired when almost every teacher who entered class asked who the ones who lodged for transfer are. We also got fed up when teachers refused to distribute worksheets for students who were not remaining. Why bias us while we were on the wait for transfer? We were still SMKRA students when we have not received the letter of approval for transfer. We still deserve to be given education and treated equally like any permanent SMKRA students. You did not welcome us at the first place and expected us to adapt to such situations. Under pressure, man. Ask yourself how do you cope with these problems if you were in the same shoes as I do? You express your dissatisfaction. And ta-da. You saw my blog.

Your culture is very different from the school we came from. I do not deny the fact that we over reacted on some things but the fact is still the fact. Your school compound is untidy and some of the facilities were in damaged conditions. The habit of loitering was seen. You do not cultivate the habit of reading in students. You allow them to do whatever they like before class, and students were seen either talking or doing nothing early in the morning. When I stated that it is a poor culture, you protested by saying that if you see people reading early in the morning you will think that they were sick. Then judged by your comment, I can see that you are very immature in thoughts. A book does not make anyone a patient. The habit of reading should be cultivated in school so that students will enjoy reading and make it a part of their lives. How to? You make it compulsory for students to read, not only for exams, but for the wholesome of general knowledge. Instead of allowing them to waste their time just like that, allow them to enter class earlier and get them assembled with a book and make sure that they read. A few minutes of reading per day can do a lot of difference in life. 5 minutes per day, and a month you will get 1 hour and 40 minutes of reading. And vice-versa. 5 minutes for students doing nothing, and in a month they waste 1 hour 40 minutes of their life, doing apparently nothing useful for their own betterment. As for facilities, you should care take them properly. Educate students to love the school properties and diminish the damage amount. How? By enforcing school rules thoroughly. In 2 weeks time in SMKRA I can find that your school rules were not enforced strictly. Why? See students loitering around? Is that permitted? Re-designed uniforms? I wonder. Hand phones in school? Isn’t something called spot-check? Students smoking? Is that even allowed outside school premises? By holding a cane and shouting at students does not make you a discipline teacher. It only makes students hate you more and result in more disciplinary problems. I am standing in the point of view of a student, and I know better.

I am also not saying that we are good in English. I do not understand why you had the impression that we are that good. And if you really look up to us that much I would like to clarify that the reason we are better is we made an effort to upgrade and improve. You as students can make a difference by accepting a little challenge and make a paradigm shift. I came from a Chinese medium primary school. Do you think that I can adapt to the situation in secondary school where English Language is much paid attention to in just a click? No, surely. I learn and make an effort to improve. How? The habit of reading and the emphasizing the culture of English speaking in school. My school made it a rule that mother tongue is not allowed in school. At first everyone did not like it. I am sure that you will say that my school is sick at this point of time. But everything the school made is for us. Do you think the discipline teachers and the principal were not blamed and hated by students? Students tend to complain but the school was firm with their ground. The discipline teachers and principal was people of faith and patience. They believed that the culture they emphasized will be appreciated finally and it came true. And for students, they can choose to stick to their comfortable way in speaking their mother tongue or taking up the challenge. Those who had accepted the challenge improved and are currently on the run towards more improvement. What am I trying to point out is, by instilling positive but different cultures in a school may cause mayhem in students, but in the end everything will be worth it. And students can choose their destiny either by thinking critically about their own future or choose to stick to their own way. In the end you will find yourself facing a totally new world, and there will be no turning back towards the medium that allows you to make a paradigm shift in yourself.

If you say that teachers are your destiny then you are very wrong. You determine your own destiny. Teachers only function as guides. Your SMKRA teachers made this point very clear when trying to brainwash us to remain. I admit that your point is true. No matter where you go, the teachers were all the same, just guides. But have you ever thought about if you were given a choice between a good and a lousy guide, which would you choose? Surely the good one, eventhough it is only a guide. A good teacher is a teacher who has complete knowledge of the subject he or she teaches, and is able to convey knowledge and conduct lessons where students are able to understand and will evoke their interest towards the particular subject. Besides, they are also able to help and treat every student with equality and understand each and everyone of them. Then, he or she will earn respect from students. Everyone knows that nothing is perfect under the sun. They will be no perfect teacher, as they will never be a perfect student. I am also not saying every teacher is good in St. Mary and Maxwell. But they were respected. Teachers in SMKRA did not even respected us when they knew that we were going to transfer. So ask me how can I respect them? Telling you the truth we already tried to be patient and respected them. Listening to their lessons knowing that after class we will attend tuition after all is a sign showing respect. If teachers wanted respect, they should earn it, not demand it. You may call me ungrateful but I am already a pre-U student. I am no longer a teenager but rather a young adult. Entering form 6 is where I learn to think critically and have an objective view towards everything. If you absorb everything that the teacher teaches then you are still behaving like a child. You listen and filter, then ask questions. Then absorb what is correct. Teachers are not saints. They are just normal lay people with the mission to educate the next generation. Understand them, they make mistakes. As students we receive the necessary and ditch the others. If you absorb whatever the teacher teaches and found out that you got some facts wrong in the end of the day, you will blame the teacher. Never worship them. Teachers may not like students like me but in the end, these students are the ones who will have matured thoughts and fully armed to face the world. In the end, students like this would be the ones thanking back the teachers. For what? Not for knowledge. Not for great results. But rather the training for us to think maturely.

A fact is still a fact. What I wrote in my blog are undeniable facts. Do you think that your toilets are clean? Even your own students felt disgusted by the conditions? Do you think that your teachers treated us fairly? Do you think that the discipline is a bit out of bounds? So how? You change. You improve for the better. From what I have seen you love your school and are co-operative in some sense. You all can gather together and shoot me with all kind of names. Why not use the strength to improve the current situations. Come on, take up the challenge. Students and teachers can co-operate and make your school a better environment for educational purposes. Make a paradigm shift. The process may need time but it will never be late. Prove that you can and prove me wrong. Then when you have succeeded you proudly puff out your chests bearing the SMKRA badge. And maybe, you will thank me for clearing your eyes and for providing the situation where unites all of you. Impossible is nothing, because nothing is impossible. Remember, the largest room in the world is the room for improvement. A quote for you to ponder. "Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." William Faulkner.

Mona Lisa Smile

After so long, I breathed.

Today I am elected President of the Library Board of SMK Maxwell. Azman is my assistant. Yoong Sin is my secretary, See Bee her assistant. Yoong Ling is my treasurer, Suat Teng her assistant. Together us six, will establish a better identity for the library.

I am extremely happy because I finally had the opportunity to present my leadership skills. Together with my fellow librarians, we will improve the library, and make us well respected for our ability. I am also proud to say that the seniors had that trust and faith in me, in such that they elected me as a president above all.

I had sacrificed a lot to come so far. As Julius Caesar said, I came, I saw, I conquered. Yes, I indeed conquered above all. And it was indeed Mona Lisa's Smile. So mysterious, not charming, yet complicated and meaningful.

Black Ocean

I am lost in a whirlpool of darkness, slowly digested by black currents and silent waves. As I speak, my voice came out as large bubbles, gargling in the heavy waters. I looked in front of me, rubbing my eyes furiously. My vision sharpened, as I saw a mass of people in front of me, about 20 of them, pointing, smirking, glaring, at me. They were swimming in the black water, skilled admist the dark viscous liquid, manouvering their hands with eerie, slow gestures, extending their pale and long arms towards my face. They circled me, chanting words I do not understand, their gazes cold and cunning, cutting into every inch of my flesh. I shruddered in the chilling water, ignoring their cruel glares. I swam towards the front, my arms worn and tired in the strong movements, the continous wave of a complete breaststroke. I gasped in the water. The bitter liquid entered my lungs, suffocating my throat. I coughed and massaged my neck, as the mass of people came by. They pushed me down, their powerfull palms on my shoulders, sinking their sharp fingernails into my skin. I screamed in agony, my voice helpless in the darkened waves. They were chanting: "Lose, lose, lose........" The others watched and laughed as I struggled helplessly, wishing everything will be put to a stop. Then they left me beaten and battled, alone and abandoned at the base of the wide black ocean, the base covered with skeletons and skulls, charred and in pieces. I winced and fought my journey to the surface. I saw the king and the prime minister, extending their damp sleeves towards my wounds. They explained about the condition I had endured in the black waters. Resting on the shores and nursing my wounds, I looked back at the black waves, crushing with power on the shores. A dozen pairs of sinister eyes looked at me, narrowed, and vanished. " No hard feelings" they said. I coughed and kept walking, the old slashes of my body were gone, but now, thousands of cuts emerged, fresh and tricking with new blood. When I saw my blood, red and flowing, damping my arms, soaking my chest, drenching my legs, I colappsed on the sandy shore. Beside me, a curl of wave of black waters clapped on my injured body, where I felt a great surge of agony, followed by the cry of horror, which I realised it was coming out from my own mouth. Vomiting something black and slimy, I closed my eyes and relaxed, ignoring the wounds which covered almost all my body, as I heard angels singing, before my whole world went black.

We Can Eat!!

Zi Qin, Shin Peih, Mei Li, Yoong Sin, me, Yoong Ling poking chopsticks at the pot.

To farewell Mei Li, the twins, Zi Qin, Shin Peih and I treated her with a steamboat buffet course in Fortune Steamboat at Metro Prima. The following are the ‘eating pattern’ of everyone.

The twins- they loved the honeydew ice-cream (which I think it was horrible), the reason: there are sago bits in the ice cream. LOL. They kept fantasizing about the watermelons. On the journey back, they actually regretted that they should have more watermelon. Hint: buy them 2 watermelons for their birthday.

Zi Qin- this girl was a recycling plant. She just kept on stuffing in everything within reach, despite her petite frame. Proverb learned: do not judge a book by its cover. And she kept on laughing about some crap joke which she made it herself, which was not funny at all. We were like: “okay……………………………………….” Chill.

Mei Li- she developed a style of opening clams, which is by stuffing the clam into the stove of the steamboat. She did not want to call the waiter ‘leng chai’. According to her, they do not deserve the title. So just call everyone ‘hello’ to avoid people being too ss.

Shin Peih- came back from prom and straight away to the buffet. She was the primary photographer, who took every photograph from ice cream to bones. She did not fancy seafood anyway, so she just ate some fishballs and stuff. Relatively, she ate the least. What to do? People want to diet.

Behind the scenes- We applied some chemistry topics on the course. Triple point. Where solid, liquid and gas coexist in equilibrium. Everyone achieved triple point in our alimentary lane where fart gas, liquid soup+ice cream+mineral water and all solid fishball+seafood coexist in equilibrium. Walau… Yoong Sin said she achieved critical point where she already had the maximum. Everyone definitely ate more than RM18.80. We ate from 9pm to 11.45pm. Non-stop. The person in charge must been thinking: “this few insane dudes can really swallow!!” In the end, everyone was overfull. Oh yeah, we also knew that the twins’ brother was nominated as prom king and could do great pumping. We also knew that Mei Li wanted to go clubbing. Reached home feeling great, contented and wow…… cannot breathe!!

OKU-ed

Yoong Sin and Zi Qin were waving at me at the corridor of the science labs. I rushed out of the classroom, frantically, returning their wave, desperate to talk to them. I never reach my destination. During my rushed sprint, I did not pay attention on the path. Beneath the step, lay a deathly crack, isolated and dangerous. My right feet sank into the crack, as I felt the turquoise sky spin, as I heard hurried footsteps from Yoong Sin and Zi Qin, as I heard Yoong Ling’s loud enquries. Luckily I did not fell as dramatic as you imagined, despite the dramatic intro. No eagle sprawl, no four limbs facing the heavens. It’s just a simple fall, I landed left foot on the ground, right leg bended to a kneel, right foot stuck on the damn crack, my arms already around the shoulders of my three friends, who apparently came to the rescue.

As they helped me into the classroom, I felt a sharp throbbing pain on my ankle. Thinking about simple bruises, I did not pay attention on it. But my three friends were more worried than I was. They kept shooting me questions like: ‘Are you okay?” “Are you really really really okay?” “Does it hurt?” “Want to rest?” on an interval of 30 seconds or less, and showing me the I-don’t-believe-you look after I repeated: “I’m fine” for at least a hundred times. It was the feeling I had until I removed my shoe to scrutinize the sore. When I saw my ‘swollen twice the normal size’ ankle, I sincerely felt that everything was not that fine. Plus when I was requested to walk, I half managed to do so, and with great agony on the ankle and calf. My three friends made sure I remained seated in their classroom, despite me having Mr. Ng’s mathematics class. They even fetched some cloth soaked in warm water to ease the swell. Great friends, really. Then, sensing that I am officially “physically challenged”, Zi Qin ran to my class to request Mr. Ng’s help. He recommended me to treat my sore by traditional Chinese medication and massage. He also forbid me to stay back to presume my duties in the library, and told me to shut up when I insisted and tried to explain. He also offered to fetch me halfway but I reclined his offer. But Mr. Ng was really a great teacher.

After hobbling and staggering all the way, I reached the library. My three friends went to report the case to Pn. Ang, Senior Assistant in charge of students’ affairs. During my wait with Zi Qin in the library, I was feeling nausea and I was about to take the day off. So I went behind the counter to inform my leader. It was just at the moment the wall fan chose to detach from the wall and fell on the table, shredding bits of plastic and glass everywhere. Luckily the extension wire was strong enough to remain the spluttering fan from reaching my back, which was just 10 cm away. Zi Qin’s reflexes and responses were fast enough to switch the power off, leaving me ashen faced and badly shaken, gasping behind the counter. It was exactly those Final Destination scenes minus the part where everything gets bloody. Still recovering from the fact that I survived from the incident that nearly got my head chopped, I sensed that I really had to get back home as fast as possible. Pn. Ang arrived seconds later, requesting loudly to see my swell, flanked by the twins and behind them, heads bobbling to catch a better view were Zi Qin, my leader and Pei Foong. After jotting down my personal particulars and interviewing my condition, she followed the three of them to the ‘crime scene’, where they complained about the poor facility of the school which were potential injury threats such as cracked cement, holes on the floor, unlit classrooms and more. By the way Pn. Ang wanted to have a talk with me when I get back to school and maybe I can claim my medical expenses from the PTA. Then, the twins and Zi Qin accompanied me to the bus stop and watched me hobbled on a Rapid KL (luckily not Selangor Buses with big steps, reckless drivers and rude conductors). The Rapid KL driver was a nice guy, though. He fetched me to “masuk dalam” (bus passenger-driver-conductor language regarding a particular destination) when I requested him to do so. He even drove the whole bus up the curb so that I do not have to descend so much and even stopped and waited patiently for me to get down. As usual, I walked back home, trying to ignore curious glances from the mamak stall workers who were apparently interested in my staggering style of walking. I reached home 20 minutes later, after dragging my right foot during the journey I usually take 5 minutes to complete. And I felt exhausted, worn, tired, frustrated, angry, and panicked.

After taking a nap, I woke up feeling pangs of pain on my whole right leg. Even my left leg was experiencing some slight muscle cramps. The swell was still there, despite my hopes that it will reduce after some rest. Realising that I will not be able to sit for my scheduled Piano Exam tomorrow (Oh yeah, I was supposed to sit for ABRSM Piano Exam Grade 8 on 6 July 2007), due to locomotion problems and the disability to press the sustaining pedal using my right foot, I panicked. I called my piano instructor but the damn woman told me that I have to go by hook or crook because it was impossible to postpone the exam. Sweating and slightly dizzy, I called my music centre and the person in charge told me to send a MC before 8.30pm. WTH, it was already 6pm when I made the call. Then, I called the general clerk to confirm the statement whether I was able to sit for a re exam but she replied me that she was not so sure because the procedure was very complicated as it involved The Ministry of Examinations, but she said she will try her best. After that, I called my mum and told her about my condition and to nobody’s surprise, received a series of naggings and scolds about irresponsibility and carelessness. After a whole afternoon of happenings, I broke down to fitful tears, wishing that today did not start.

The twins appeared on my doorstep almost immediatedly after I phoned them. They promised to bring me painkillers and offered to take me to see a Chinese doctor. Then my mum arrived and took me to the clinic nearby. The doctor is Dr. Goh who was our family doctor since I was 4. It was almost 10 years since I consulted him. But he still held my records. He just had a look at my swell and pressed here and there, and drew a diagram consisting 2 major calf bones, tibia and fibula, and explained that maybe a crack on my fibula was suspected. Then he wrote a letter explaining my condition to the hospital, plus a MC. No medicine, no bandages. Just 10 minutes consultation. RM15. WTH. Must be rich being a doctor, that is probably one of the reason I ambit to be one. Then my mum fetched me to Damansara Specialist Hospital for a X-ray scan. That was the first time I stepped into a hospital as a patient after 5 years. ( I went to Sg. Buloh Hospital when I received bites all over my limbs after a camp in Kuala Selangor when I was in Form 1) And that was my first encounter sitting on a wheelchair and being pushed around by a nurse. I was feeling like an authentic ‘orang cacat’ and very very embarrassed. After a moment’s waiting, I was wheeled into a room where a doctor asked me questions and tried to diagnose my swollen ankle. He asked me whether I heard something cracked during my fall. Like I noticed every sound and motion during my fall. I was too busy falling down to notice such sounds. Stupid question, indeed. Of course I was not aware of it. Then he said that I need a x-ray. So I waited and a radiologist wheeled me into the x-ray scan room. The room was isolated, chilly, and unoccupied, with rotating machines and faint humming sounds. The radiologist asked me to climb and sit on the table, which posed as a challenge for me. After yoga-ing my way to the table, she placed a slab of plumbum lead block and told me to place my foot on the thing, which also posed as a challenge for me. Then she adjusted the machine above my leg, so that the thing shone some kind of light on me, and she disappeared into a room behind. Next I heard something churning and wheeling, and she reappeared, asking me to bend my leg in another angle to take another shot. Cursing silently, I twisted my whole body from the abdomen part so that she can take her shot. Repeating the same procedure, she once again disappeared into the room to retrieve my scan and she took a long time. So I amused myself by wheeling myself in the wheelchair and examining those lead coats that the twins wore before when they went for orthodontic check-up. The radiologist emerged, declared the scan was complete, and wheeled me to the waiting area, leaving bored and tired.

Not long I was been called by the doctor. The x-ray scan showed my bones were okay and nothing was broken. I almost got down from that frigging wheelchair and thank God on bended knees. It was just an ankle sprain and some tendons and ligaments were injured. That’s all. He advised me not to move a lot to enable the injury to recover faster. The doctor also said that walking will be very painful, which I believed him. Then I got some painkillers and an ice pack from the pharmacy, which I will never swallow one tablet of it. The bill was RM118. What the hell. My mum paid with visa.

I did not went to school. Yipee. From this minor injury, I felt that I had troubled my friends and family a lot. Credits for those people who had helped me. Special thanks to the twins and Zi Qin. Thanks for being the best friends in the world. Without your help I will still be sitting on the crack. Thanks to Mei Li for SMSing your concern. Thanks to Shin Peih for concerning and spreading the news so that the whole SMK Kepong knew about it. Thanks to Yan Yan to inform CY Tuition Centre. Thanks to Pei Foong for understanding my condition. Thanks to Kang Jing for helping. Thanks to 6 Rendah Cekal for the hospitable condition in your classroom and the hand wrestling entertainment. Thanks to Si Jia for the concern via freindster. Thanks to Mr. Ng for the offers and concern. Thanks to Pn. Ang for the concern and the help. Thanks to mum for fetching me to the hospital and paying the bills. Thanks to sis and bro for helping with the household chores. Thanks to Mrs. Oon for offering help and recommendations for Chinese medications. Thanks to mum’s boss for recommending Damansara Specialist. Thanks to Ms. Lau for informing Sonata. Thanks to Sonata clerks and especially Ms. Koh for handling my case and undergoing all procedures. Thanks to Dr. Goh and Dr. Vinod and all medical staff in Damansara Specialist for helping. Thank God for keeping me alive. I will pray.

Masks, Traps, Laughter and Assumptions

Surprise! I am going to write my post in a 3rd point of view form, because I want to voice out something in an indirect way. No one gets hurt, ok?

Cursing under her breath, Hui Ting was fanning herself furiously with a transparent plastic file, complaining silently about the weather. 3 rickety fans hung from the classroom ceiling, on maximum speed, yet did no much change to the increasing temperature. The afternoon sun was blazing outside, sending rays of sunlight through the glass panels of the classroom, where it hosts 32 students, all teenagers and full of energy. The scenario was chaotic and noisy. Her classmates were shouting from a corner to another, laughing loudly, talking vigorously, and apparently having fun. Hui Ting cannot think of anything else. The stiffening room and the humid air were making her sub-conscious, and she began to feel a slight pain on her left temple, throbbing against her sweaty forehead. Turning her focus onto the pile of Chemistry notes stacked in front of her, she pressed her fingers on her head harder and tried to concentrate. Immediately her eyes began to water. Slamming her fists on the table, she cursed again, this time louder than before. Hui Ting knew that she had a hard day in school, yet she knew that she had to just be patient and wait for the bell to ring after 1 and a half hour more for the signal to dismiss. This morning, she got very angry because some guy from her class had underestimated her command of English language. Then she got frustrated about the debate which is just around the corner, because it involved working in a team with the guy that underestimated her. The debate was not even a fair one. The opposing team had a member which knew about the facts by his fingertips because he did the exact same thing last year. And the title was actually chosen by 1 of the judges who was the English instructor of the opposing team member. Hui Ting knew that she was no speaker, let alone debater, yet she volunteered to be a part of it to gain experience, not to get humiliated. But somehow her first experience was not an inviting one, and as a result, she felt greatly disappointed.

Hui Ting awoke from her daydream when the Chemistry teacher entered class. While copying notes, she looked around her classmates. They were so unfamiliar to her. She began to miss her friends terribly. Her mind drifted to those times when they were still studying in 5sc4, in St. Mary’s. Everyone in her class was so close knitted, so cooperative and the friendship bond was so significant. Hui Ting still can recall the scene in class. The twins sat in front, always the most attentive ones in class. Behind her, Zi Qin will always be the one who walks around, sticking her head in everybody’s business. And beside Zi Qin is Suet Lye, so quiet yet so funny, and ah yes, she was a DBSK loyal fan. Then it will be Mei Li sitting behind, always under the fan, talking loudly and laughing, flanked by Chu Shyen, assistant monitor, and also Hwee Fern. There will also be Jhen Pei in the group, also another joker, with Amirah by her side, making up the world’s best friends. She knew those days were gone forever, and will not come back ever again. The worst part of her life is to part with her best friends. She missed their support, their encouragement. On top all, she missed their presence in life. The twins, her best friends, were in the next class. But being in different classes divide the gap even more. They chose different paths in life. They got different subjects. They have different schedules. Therefore, they broke apart eventually. Sometimes, Hui Ting got really pissed by the whole situation, but she cannot complaint. Because these are the terrible truths of life. Parting is human nature. Besides, this is nobody’s fault. Being angry is not the solution to get back the attention she lost from her best friends. She finally learnt to be patient and polite, and to support her best friends behind their backs, just like they did to her. Silently.

Hui Ting gazed around her class. Her classmates were sitting in their own groups. She wanted to be friendly and mix around, but she got wind from Michelle that some of them were talking bad about her. Hui Ting knew that she had to be brave, but her confidence crippled. She became very self conscious and suspicious. She began to hate everyone around her, giving the reason that they were being political when it comes to position. She knew perfectly well that some of them were not like that, but she chose to have the awareness, so that she would not be the victim of the politic propaganda. She knew that when it comes to power seizing, everyone will show their real attitude behind their masked appearance. Hui Ting chose to be practical, and she chose to battle with them, to hurt and to get hurt. People said that Form 6 is where you get a chance to mature, very different to college. Hui Ting found it quite true. In form 6 is where she learnt time management and all other intrapersonal skills, and also survival skills for her in use during life in society after graduation.

At last, the bell rang. Hui Ting picked all her belongings and headed towards the door. She did not turn back to wave to her friends, or say goodbye. When she left class, nobody sensed a fellow classmate’s absence. When Hui Ting walked alone on the busy streets of KL, she knew that those who survived, will bear the most scars. Gasping slightly, she felt an invisible dagger slashed her heart, producing a bleeding wound, that will evolve to form a scar. She opened her eyes, and breathed again.

Smoothing Creases

Being in different schools with my closest friends, I suddenly felt that I missed them more than ever. I am now learning to adopt and to adapt the whole new environment in school, especially without the presence of my close friends that I am too used to be with. Even my best friends became distant with me. I became a recluse in this familiar land. Alone and somber. Swarming in the memories of the past and the horrible dread of the future.

Suddenly, I wanted to sing Chris Draughty’s “Home”.

Once a Maxwellian, Forever a Maxwellian

Kissing SMKRA farewell, I am now an official Maxwellian!!!
Actually the twins, Zi Qin and I went to Maxwell long before we were accepted there, participating actively in the Chinese Society. We were requested to do some souvenirs, ‘forced’ to represent the school in a Chinese Chess Tournament (we sucked in chess), and even been recruited to dance (we rejected the dance quest…phew…) Although it was quite tiring and time-consuming, we learned a great deal of things.
Today the front foyer and the car park were covered in mud. Some of the classes were flooded. Yesterday’s KL flash flood has taken toll on the school, being in the centre of KL and low lying comparatively. The formal first impression of Maxwell---wet.
The day went in monotone but I am feeling extremely overwhelmed. Today is a very special day, worth remembering and greatly appreciated, that the first time ever in my life, I am very very proud to be a Maxwellian.

Happy Birthday Grandma

Today we celebrated grandma's 70th birthday in Chan Kee (Hakka) Restaurant. Previously, grandma kept insisting indirectly that she wanted her birthday celebrated grander than before, since it is 7o. But according to Uncle Hing, this is very inpropriate because it was said to announce to Yen Lo Wang for the call for death. So also according to Uncle Hing, birthday this year must be kept normal and simple, in order to keep grandma alive and breathing for the next few years. So we ended up celebrating it as a simple family occasion.

The restaurant was plush, clean and grand looking. Too bad the only customers there were us and a family slurping rice quietly in the corner. Obviously we made the most noise there, talking and laughing, not bothering to keep our voices down. We ordered some Chinese dishes. Among them was deep fried fish, brinjal+long beans, lettuces, spicy pork with dried chili, tofu and lemon chicken. Well, grandma insisted on lemon chicken because it was her favorite dish. After that, we were full. Very very very full.

Next we went back to grandma's house for the 'cake cutting ceremony'. Haha. Sounds formal. But who cares about the process? Everyone's focus was on the cake, coffee tiramisu. Although bought from Orange Delight (not famous Secret Recipe) it was quite delicious. Initially the plan was to sing the birthday song together with Aunt Sin who was currently in Japan but unfortunately she did not online.

Grandma complained a lot that day, the deep fried fish looking ugly, the tofu looks too smashed, the lemon chicken was weird, the cake was half frozen....... Basically the food was not that nice but I did really enjoyed today because it brought our family bridged closer together. Another meaningful family occasion like this, I am sure grandma will be very very happy and will achieve greater health and longevity.

( upper row, from left to right) Huan Huan, Uncle Bang, Aunt Yin, Shuang Shuang, Wan Ling, me. (lower row, from left to right)Mum, Ken, GRANDMA!! (the focus), Aunt Ngen, Yee Yee


small cake, big crowd, hungry people.


overexcited on the cake.

To Believe or Not To Believe

I was always wondering about the lines on my palms being different from others. People around me have 3 distinctive lines on their palms, but I only have 2. I had the first 2 lines joined together, while others have two lines each starting and ending on the centre of the palm, and the third curved down towards the wrist. I had my third line correct.

My grandmother told me this is called 'duan zhang'. Direct translation to English means broken palm. According to the palmistry book my sister just borrowed back from the library, this type of palm is very rare. The joined line I had across both my palms are called the simian line. And it is supposed to mean that I am a potential genius and someone who is high in religious order. Weird, huh? I am neither.

Forget about this. I know I had to work to acheive, not just to believe in these things. My religion does not permit this. So I am still believing in God because I knew that He had destinied some greatness in my life, with or without my palms looking weird.

Piano Trial

I was freaking out about today’s piano trail exam, being unable to gain self control and throwing my temper to anyone around me. Yoong Sin and Zi Qin wished me good luck, and sent me to the pavement of the institution. I gulped. The time was 2.30pm. Another 30 minutes to death. I practiced in a spare studio but my palms became abnormally sweaty and my fingers kept slipping away from the correct keys. I gave up and waited. When my named was called I was already shaking from top to toe. But I braced up myself and strode into the room, bearing a black grand piano and a small desk, by it sat my examiner, smiling. I twisted my hands.

I started with the weakest part: scales and arpeggios. I messed up between staccato and legato. Then I sweated some more. Shaking, I tried. Then I missed the key. I asked the examiner again. She looked at me awkwardly and repeated. I tried again. But I got the whole thing wrong. I gulped twice, my hands felt like charcoal. The examiner asked me whether I wanted to continue. I nodded, and repeated. But the effect was even worse. In the end, I shook my head, placed my hand on the seat, and gave up. The examiner smiled again, pleased that the whole agenda had ended.

Then I played my pieces. I had total confidence of these three pieces, as I had put ample of time and energy practicing them, unlike my scales and arpeggios. It started perfectly okay, the tempo and the dynamics plus the emotions were present. It did not last long. I missed the third note of the piece. I paused and my confidence tumbled down. I was trembling and swallowing again. Then, I missed the dynamics and the details. Towards the end I missed a key signature. It ended like a pile of shit. The second piece was even worse. I missed all the important dynamics. To make the matters worse, my phone rang when I was approaching the finale. I freaked out and ended it simply. The examiner reminded me to off my phone while I fumbled with my pockets. I muttered that I have forgotten. I checked my phone. It was Shin Peih’s sms. The third piece I did it blandly. I did not master the centre part. In the end, I was disappointed.

My next test was sight reading, the nightmare of my life. I sucked completely in sight reading. I did not get the keys right, and towards the end I only realized that some notes needed to be detached. I ignored all the dynamics and Italian terms, not because I do not understand, but I had too much to cope at that moment. After that was the test on aural awareness. Singing the bass was a problem for me, as I could not even hear the bass. I just simply croaked a few notes. The chord part I guessed. Sight singing became a total mess because I became too involved with the treble part. I ended up singing the wrong part. At least the piece question I did it okay. After the piece I just blurted out everything that I have memorized. The examiner wrote something down and told me to leave. Happy that the whole damn exam was finished, I exited without asking questions.

To nobody’s surprise, I failed. 92 marks. 100 was the passing grade. I knew I did a terrible job. But I knew that I had an important job to do, to overcome my fear towards examinations. I know this phobia will cripple my future, and I had to find a way to gain self-confidence. I wished that I did not sweat and gulp that much during the exam, maybe then I can at least pass it. Now, I pray that I will pass the real exam, which is on 6 July. Friends, pray for me.