Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Sheer Disappointment

Despite all those lousy exam results during my entire Form 6 life, I still consider myself proficient in English Language. Languages are the only subjects I consider myself strong, one of the best in school. I'm not saying that I'm excellent. It's just that comparatively, I am obviously outstanding the rest.

I always have the thought that I can work myself towards Band 6 in MUET. Despite all my failing grades in the 4 core subjects, I really wished that I could excel in the only subject I pay interest and passion to. The only chance for me to redeem myself over the past 2 years in Form 6, is by at least performing great in at least something.

So much blank hopes and waiting...

MUET results were released this morning. I checked my results online since I cannot leave work and go to school to collect my slip. I was very nervous, and trembled for almost 15 minutes before I got the courage to click on the website.

So that's it. Band 5.

When I saw the band, I was like: Whoa.....Band 5, ONLY?
Then my mind went completely blank. But inside, something weightily fell into the deep pit in my stomach. It all felt so hollow and dark inside. The disappointment was beyond words. If I cried, no tears will flow. If I yelled, no words will come out...


I pictured those times in class, wondering where I did wrong. Was this because I was too arrogant not to pay attention in class? Was it because I held my expectations too high? Maybe I'm not good at all, just the false impression my peers gave me... It's so easy to blame the exam being hard, the conditions were bad, the system sucks, it's too easy.

Those consolations are great, thanks, made an effort, but I can't be better for now. So much for staying by faith's side, now I really knew what disappointment really means.

It's the kind of feeling you get when you fall. Hard.

I whispered:'Band 5 just isn't good enough. It puts me the same as everyone else. I already lost my only hope. I'm nothing at all.'

9 comments:

Twinkle Tinker Twins said...

hey dude,
i sincerely think that u deserve a solid band 6, not upper band 5. dun b upset bcoz of dis k~!

Matt said...

Hey!
Hang in there.
Failure does not become failure unless you let it put you down.
Time to pick yourself up and strive for higher achievements.
I know you can do it.
Stay strong. *hugz*

huiting said...

Dude, thanks a buch. but seriously it's okay. After non-stop swearing for an hour, I'm ok ald. LOL. Yeah, failure contrasts a greater success. =D LOL.

Hugs guys!

Splendid Moments Appreciator said...

oh dear, it happened to me too..
anyway, u'r really deserved a better grade! gambateh

oakleyses said...

tory burch outlet, polo ralph lauren, prada handbags, louis vuitton outlet online, michael kors outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, coach outlet, gucci handbags, christian louboutin outlet, nike air max, cheap oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, michael kors outlet online, nike shoes, longchamp outlet online, nike free, coach outlet store online, christian louboutin shoes, longchamp handbags, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton handbags, nike air max, true religion outlet, burberry outlet online, longchamp outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, michael kors outlet online, red bottom shoes, prada outlet, coach purses, tiffany and co jewelry, ray ban outlet, louis vuitton, tiffany jewelry, oakley vault, kate spade handbags, oakley sunglasses, kate spade outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, true religion, michael kors outlet store, burberry outlet online, chanel handbags, coach outlet, michael kors outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, christian louboutin

oakleyses said...

tory burch outlet, polo ralph lauren, prada handbags, louis vuitton outlet online, michael kors outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, coach outlet, gucci handbags, christian louboutin outlet, nike air max, cheap oakley sunglasses, jordan shoes, michael kors outlet online, nike shoes, longchamp outlet online, nike free, coach outlet store online, christian louboutin shoes, longchamp handbags, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton handbags, nike air max, true religion outlet, burberry outlet online, longchamp outlet, polo ralph lauren outlet, michael kors outlet online, red bottom shoes, prada outlet, coach purses, tiffany and co jewelry, ray ban outlet, louis vuitton, tiffany jewelry, oakley vault, kate spade handbags, oakley sunglasses, kate spade outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, true religion, michael kors outlet store, burberry outlet online, chanel handbags, coach outlet, michael kors outlet online, ray ban sunglasses, christian louboutin

oakleyses said...

scarpe hogan, nike free pas cher, north face, burberry pas cher, ray ban uk, true religion jeans, louis vuitton uk, hollister, nike roshe, michael kors uk, converse pas cher, sac louis vuitton, louis vuitton pas cher, sac michael kors, longchamp, air max, ralph lauren, true religion outlet, longchamp pas cher, michael kors canada, chaussure louboutin, louis vuitton, ray ban pas cher, barbour, lacoste pas cher, hermes pas cher, nike roshe run, guess pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, nike air max, new balance pas cher, mulberry, tn pas cher, north face pas cher, air max pas cher, lululemon, oakley pas cher, air jordan, timberland, nike air max, nike air force, ralph lauren pas cher, hollister, nike free, vans pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, sac vanessa bruno

oakleyses said...

lululemon outlet, nfl jerseys, babyliss pro, ugg, valentino shoes, mcm handbags, north face jackets, nike huarache, instyler ionic styler, nike trainers, canada goose outlet, ferragamo shoes, roshe run, soccer jerseys, giuseppe zanotti, canada goose, chi flat iron, mac cosmetics, soccer shoes, ugg outlet, ugg soldes, canada goose outlet, herve leger, new balance outlet, birkin bag, wedding dresses, insanity workout, beats headphones, north face outlet, celine handbags, reebok shoes, vans outlet, rolex watches, hollister, abercrombie and fitch, uggs on sale, canada goose outlet, marc jacobs outlet, mont blanc pens, p90x workout, jimmy choo shoes, uggs outlet, ghd, bottega veneta, longchamp, asics shoes, ugg boots

oakleyses said...

wedding dress, iphone 6 case, converse shoes, moncler, pandora jewelry, hollister canada, parajumpers outlet, moncler, moncler, canada goose pas cher, moncler, oakley, moncler outlet, vans, coach outlet, pandora uk, canada goose, supra shoes, hollister clothing, ugg, uggs canada, ray ban, canada goose, lancel, pandora charms, moncler, juicy couture outlet, links of london uk, juicy couture outlet, gucci, ralph lauren, hollister, thomas sabo uk, louboutin, karen millen, moncler, montre femme, swarovski jewelry, toms outlet, replica watches, air max, converse, nike air max, canada goose uk, timberland shoes, baseball bats, louis vuitton canada, swarovski uk