Forgiveness

They bring the warmth of new life.

The Finishing Line

Met up with kor who took me for breakfast and gave me my belated birthday present. Thank you. Lots of hugs =)

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1)Take responsibility for words we say Because whether having the intention or not, an inflicted pain, is still painful, and saying sorry won't make things the same again.

2)Communication works out misunderstandings Lack of communication causes unresolved problems, wrongly deciphered matters, and results in conflict in the end. However if one party chooses not to, even when you have all the good intentions in the world, it will still go not conveyed and it will still ultimately results in misunderstandings.

3)Help can only be appreciated when others appreciate Even if it is your nature to reach out and help, if rejection comes, you just have to let it be and move on. Trying to make things better following your way won't work out better, because everything done has been done, and nothing can be changed if others does not even believe in helping out themselves. You can throw them a float when they are sinking, but it's their call to hold on to it.

4)Circumstances and challenges filters true friends Those who stood by since the start, those who go all out to resolve matters, those who sacrifice no matter what, those who respect and accept who you truly are. You know who you are =)

5)Family protects They are the people who defend you and forgive you and make sure everything will be okay no matter what. Their love is the only thing that keeps you awake and to move on so that you can focus on your future, not hold on to the hurtful past.

6)Decision making is life impacting The accumulation of decisions you have made in life makes you who you are today. And the decisions you make now will make you who you are in the future. You choose who you should trust and what kind of life you want and you don't turn back and regret, because life is short and every moment counts. You make decisions by respecting your principles and abiding God's will. Then you're on the correct track. It will be undeniable that challenges come and toughens you up, but as long as you are not tempted beyond your will, you'll be okay and God provides in every way.

7)Trust is a delicate thing Once broken, considered sold.

8)Forgiveness is God's greatest gift It would be non-beneficial for anyone to hold grudges hence forgiveness should be by generosity. And it exist in my nature, just requires time to let it pass.

9)Pray, because when men fail, God never forsakes The faith I have in God will lead me a fruitful life and I take everything as a challenge to be stronger, better and happier.

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I'm so over it.
I'm tired of everything. A break will be fine.
Then I'll be focusing on important stuff in life.
Life will be so awesome =) once you're single again.

The 107th Day

My initial plan of studying in Starbucks with my less liquid more ice Java Chip Frap was quashed due to the the random plan of watching Legion after Sunday SPS. Thanks to the dude as below:



Thank you very much Von for spoiling my study plans but ultimately I'm glad we watched this movie. Shortness of kaki-s for movies is a current social issue due to packed class schedules and tight assignments. However we looked like idiots carrying tons of books around in Pavilion before movie starts and shopping is superb difficult due to locomotion limitations. Ended up in Mercato doing grocery shopping with a trolley filled with our books and bags dumped into.


Outing with Von brings me back to the memories when we first started Law in ATC where we often hang out together. Then was like nine months ago. Now things change; she has her group and I have mine. But it still doesn't stop us for being good friends because I do cherish her a lot. From movie outings to karaoke sessions to Redang trip. Wooohooo. Syokked =)

In summary: You, me love. Nyak nyak^^

Review on Legion:
Firstly I was utterly shocked by the content because it was uber blasphemous, portraying religion issues like whoa. Of course if you take it in the fiction manner then it would be a different point of view. Secondly it wasn't action packed, enough. And the plot was a bit jumbled up I think. And lots of cliche in storyline. Was okay, wasn't impressive enough. Thank God Paul Bettany was in there, or else I would have been pissed off. Like him like totally.

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Over dinner mum suddenly pointed out that I looked like crap and doubtfully I went and look in the mirror after that. Almost got the shock in my life after seeing myself because my face look blotchy and super fatigue worn. First, I acknowledge the presence of hormones these days due to PMS but complexion effect hasn't taken place so major before. Last time there was acne and all but now it's just very serious. Yesterday I kept washing my face like about six times using cleanser because the condition was so unbearable. Plus PMS had made me lost temper like never before till I rowed with mum and throw books off my desk. Then PMS affected me in such I can't concentrate in doing my revision. And I kept feasting on chocolate in hopes to lift up my jumbled up mood and also, to satisfy such random cravings. Crap. PMS plus stress equals to disaster.

Hating every minute to exam.

LOL

The joke of the century happened.
I laughed like a moron.
And I think I need to stage my drama queen role.

OM*G. I feel I'm such a bitch.

Nice Things

Everything is OKAY now! Happy!!!!! Henry and I dah okay and my fever had ceased, and Michelle's blood count is going up again and she'll join us in class in no time. Best still, studies are going back to intensive mode as planned without any further interruptions. God's blessing eh?

Now that everything is okay, should I concentrate back on studies? Of course I should, what a stupid question.

An Unhappy Day

Angele Dei, qui custos es mei, me tibi commíssum pietáte supérna, illúmina, custódi, rege et gubérna. Amen.

I am the kind of person who doesn't like others to ignores me. And I am upset today because he totally ignored me today. 8 hours of classes and I am part of the background.

I wanted to talk about it, but he told me to leave him alone. I wanted to fix it, he told me there is no need to. I apologised, he told me not to mention it because it still pisses him off each time I do as it reminds him of it. I did everything I could, but they did not earn his forgiveness. I'm upset because I take the blame totally, and I don't know what can I do. I'm upset because I'm careless and stupid to make such a mistake. I'm upset because it feels so upset to be the one who the anger is upon. I just wish that he would get over it and be okay. I just feel so bad about it. And I'm so sorry.

Thanks for those who listened and helped anyway. Still love you guys loads.

Signing off with a heavy heart,
Hui Ting.

Student Night 2010

By the way, Prom of ATC is called Student Night. Classy la, so to say, but who cares? I don't.

The irreversible been waiting all our lives for it feel for prom sparked during practice for performance. At least to me, I really wanted to put up a great show so that besides all the glam and fab, I have something memorable in my college life's prom night. Undoubtedly other were so pumped up for prom, judging from their preparation process, from choosing dresses to hairstyling to manicure and massages. I spent quite a bit for accessories, being everything is from Diva due to last minute shopping. No choice, spent about 100 bucks just on accessories. I am smart to buy a dress during last year's CNY sale and kept it until now, so saved my attire headache and I wore old heels, believe it. But actually I don't really care about the whole fuss for prom, well, after going to that wretched place for rehearsal and seeing those idiots from SRC work.

The funny thing was, nobody actually brought a camera there. I left mine in my mum's office and Tuan Wern left hers in her mum's car. And everybody else thought everyone else will be bringing so they did not bother to bring theirs. So you get the idea, forgive me for the low quality photos because all were taken from my 3 Mega Iphone camera.

Photo galore ahead though. I apologise.


The Music Club gang.


The study group people @ the fun gang.


My girls.

Here comes the essence of the photos. Juicy, in my context.


The gentlemen.


The ladies.


Another one of the ladies.


With the guys, featuring Daniel aka Uncle Gan, Edwin the musician, JJ the desperado TP, Johnson the businessman and my dear Henry.


Girls here and there. Audrey the opera singer, my darling Sue Ann aka moot partner, Hui Yi aka Jason's woman, Jessica the bully and sweet nice Jane. ^^

In a nutshell, there were just too many photos. but the best thing was we didn't even manage to get a single photo of us performing up there. Duh~ But life must go on.... Hence:

More photos!


We played Mafia wars.


And Black Dahlia.


And the Loan Shark saga continues.


They decided to go phunkhieeee....

But we still have normal photos like these:


Took with people from Muar.


Inter Jan people.


Prom Queen and Prom King. =)


With Mr. Aravind the Evidence lecturer/ Moot judge.

It was one heck of a night despite all unfortunate events which are unforeseeable. Apart from that, I'm happy that our hard work was well paid off, because we did a good job for the closing act. It was one of the best among the years, quoting Daniel. Afterall, it was a great heave of burden off my shoulders, because now I can focus ultimately on studies. Fun had ended with prom, another begins with the next perhaps. It was truly a night to remember.

Special Thanks

Thank you for bearing through mocks revision with me.
Thank you for being understanding of my concerns.
Thank you for making the at least minimal effort to read stuff you hate.
Thank you for realising priorities in your soon-going-to-end student life.
Thank you for allowing me to ban you from doing things you enjoy.
Thank you for bearing through my boring tutorials.
Thank you for coming over my place and reading together.
Thank you for staying calm when I mocked or acted sarcastic.
Thank you for taking interest in your studies.


Picture taken during 20 second short break after pek chek studying non stop at night. Was darn heck of a stressful week.
Well done for Common Law paper! You made me a very proud tutor, for passing one of the questions and for the courage to sit for all papers. I'm very glad my effort did not went to waste and had served as an inspiration for you to go further for the real LLB.

We'll do this together okay Henry Koh? We can do this. =)

A Jumbled Up Mood

We went Akarkarya to practice for the dance routine and to jam for the band song. This sounds so musical like but hey! It's two days counting to the performance day and I'm nervous already.






And it has been a cliche to camwhore whenever there are mirrors and cameras available.


Shot from the jamming studio.

Speaking bout performance, I'm currently effing pissed with college's SRC because they had did a 'great' job in preparation for the ball. Everything is so messed up, unprepared and cancellations are of short notice. Today we receive bad news about the drum set, which messed up my mood quite a bit. It's like putting off everyone's effort, what have we been practicing so long into pure waste. Honestly SRC is like a pile of crap. Inefficient and useless. Grow up and take responsibility can?

PS: Super no mood for ball. Everyone was like so over choosing accessories, dresses and stuff but I just want everything to end fast. Need to get that mood to study, again. 115 days and counting. Ain't that funny.

Re Mahmoud Ispahani

Judging from the title of the post you know I'm reading Contract law, though I dislike it a lot but I don't have a choice.

And you know I'm too stressed out. In fact I spent my fifteen minute break today calling up the twins to rant because the sudden stress was too immense to handle and people in college either don't understand the need to be stressed or they don't give a freaking damn.

I spent some time reflecting my attitude which I think I need to correct them in order to be a better person.
1) I made a mistake for being too frank in announcing my triumph for obtaining the highest mark in the entire intake for Common law. When I think back I think there should be no need for all the drama simply because I'm yet to be the best, and indirectly it had obviously offended people. But my intentions are to serve as an encouragement, no means for boasting intended, really. So if I pissed anyone off I'm sorry.
2) I need to regulate my stress level in a wiser manner because I tend to lose patience and rationality when I'm under pressure. And it is not good because honesty hurts, not just anyone around, but also friendship.
3) I need more concentration!!!!
4) I need more A4 paper because nowadays papers run out so fast.
5) I need sleep badly.

And I found this photo taken ages ago when we are all totally screwed up for last minute revision for december mocks.


Haha! Nice memories=)I thought I was hardworking, but I wasted time as well. Oh wells, let's hope mistake doesn't repeat themselves.

Valedictorian Hui Ting yeah man! Alright!

Check Out The Countdown Box

Time flies. The last moment, I am still fighting the dilemma of choosing colleges, the time spent shopping like a madwoman in Pavilion, the only thing to worry is about where to have lunch. Now it's about the REAL LLB exams in which the schedule was out and stuck on the main notice board yesterday. Where it took me by fright and I nearly stumbled when walking down the stairs, obviously still in shocked mode.

Honestly, I am DEAD scared. No joke. I may walk around as if I know a lot but actually law is something you can never finish studying. So it's about how concise and complete you can cram whatever you have learned into a sixteen page answer within three hours. Which is something I lack: practice. And it's just not the only thing I lack. I am scared because I am unprepared. I know very little as I missed out classes here and there and I do very little research. Well, not that I will fail but definitely it would require more effort to score. Sighs.

It was quite a while I found this fire burning passion to excel hence I stayed in college to revise and research but unfortunately the fire died quite shortly because it was tiring and temptations took over. Now I regret for not persevering enough because if I were to take the extra mile then, it would have made a difference now. So I promise myself to push my physical and mental abilities to the extreme for these 120 remaining days. Doesn't matter if it requires sacrifice, pain or fatigue. Fun time has ended long ago and I had more than enough of play time, and now, it's time to get work done. Yay! I have to feel happy for myself for loving law=)


The enthusiasm starts by pulling out books and spreading across notes. Hopefully it lasts. Work! work! work!!


My customised revision calendar for January. I photostated for each member in my revision group, with the hope that they appreciate my hard work.

I pray hard for success. Because if I don't do well, who will? Hahahaha, that's a bit syok sendiri. But I have the confidence in myself to score. I just have this little philosophy about kiasu-ness. Maybe you might be wondering why I am talking all about my studying and revision progress and maybe you will be asking why I am telling everyone in the world what I am and will be going to revise later on. Maybe you might also be wondering why I show my notes to my friends, my research work, my timetable, like sharing almost everything. I just think that many would believe that studying is personal, and definitely it is, and exams is about competition, which obviously isn't. The kiasu-ness in a lot of people rendered me in quite a blur state, but actually I don't blame people for being a little self centered when it comes to things like this. I however would beg to differ, because I believe in synergising success, the power of multiplying outcome by cooperation of input. So i wouldn't hesitate to share whatever I know with other fellow classmates, eventhough they do not do the same to me. I had thought about how unfair things would get before, but it came to me that, whatever way people behave, they should not change the way I act. Because if I in turn wanted revenge, and act equally kiasu, and in the end, I would be one of them. Haha, Hui Ting is no such person. I know if I have a generous heart, I will get rewarded accordingly. God works in miraculous ways. =)

I am in a pretty good mood today. Maybe it's the long nap I had this afternoon. Maybe it's the fact I've finally got back the enthusiasm for studies. Maybe it's the inner peace I managed to achieve after struggling within issues of blending in and principles I vow to stand by. Maybe it's after watching too much supernatural. lolz.

The Love of My Life

When I was little, whenever I get upset, I know that tears wouldn't help in healing. So I submerge myself in books, reading writings of others. Besides the joy of reading, another reason I love to read is because it is personal, solitary and nonjudgmental.

When I grew up, whenever I get upset, I tend to reach out and tell my friends with the hope of them listening. However it eventually hit me that nobody actually understands, and most of them wouldn't have gave a damn. So I read. Later I knew that it actually helps if I talked to words, and I felt I feel something unlike any other when I express my feelings. So I write. My literature works talked to me, still personal, still solitary, still nonjudgmental. Then I knew that I had irrevocably fell in love with poetry. My literary works grew in time, I keep the bulk and reveal some to my friends who are keen readers. If you happen to read all, you will realise that mostly are of a somber attitude, portraying solitude and human despair, criticising injustice and moral unfairness. So you take it in a very light heart and forgive me because I write in times of bleak hopes and suppressed sadness.


Writing is a joyous song,
A sonnet, sung in summer air.
A whip of mist in the cold.
The warmth in the rain,
The love who embraces the hurtful spirit,
Mending hearts in a silent night.

The Ugly Truth

Apologies for the lack of happenings nowadays. I'm a boring dude so I hang around at home, half geek, half nerd. Sue me or *toot* off. Be my guest.

PS: I deleted so many entries. Because I'm so hating this and I'm trying to vent out whatever bullcrap I have in mind with a twisted manner so that it won't hurt any parties, and most importantly, it won't hurt my reputation. But screw it whatever. I'm just gonna say that:

I'M FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING HATING THIS MAD, INSANE, LOUSY DAMN HELL OF A WORLD!
AND WHAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH EVERYONE AROUND ME WHO ACT AS IF THEY CARE BUT ACTUALLY THEY JUST CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THE PEOPLE THEY LITERALLY FUCK IN THEIR LIVES?

I'm so gonna repent for using so many vulgar words at once.

When I complain, it's not that I want a solution, so quit telling me to confront that person and solve the matter in his/her face, because it won't work. It merely makes matters worse. Respect is another element of importance in friendship, besides just trust. Everyone has a different situation, a different attitude, a different approach. So unifying all the solutions and make them into one so called best way is foolish. I complain for a sole reason: to seek an audience. To just simply listen. It's just so freaking simple but everyone is like going around, saying, well, tell her in her face, not to us, which pisses me off because why you're offering me a solution when I did not ask you for one? I just need a bloody damn ear to listen. Be a damn good hell of a shoulder for me to lean and cry on is all I ask for. And when I tell, I get misinterpreted, judged for my choice. Which is totally wtf.

I'm not angry nor do I hold any grudges. I'm just desperate, frustrated, and tired. I just hope that people who I love would understand better, at least, show concern so that I won't feel so alone. Sigh. I had a bad day, that's it. Tomorrow will be a better one I hope.

PS: Blogging is so good. When men fail, He never. Blogging is one way to seek refuge, to heal aching wounds and cry with scorching tears when in pain. When I blog, after people fail to listen and understand me, I know I can submerge in the world of my own words and I know He reads my feelings and heals me in time. It's like writing a letter to Him and extending my prayers in another context. Though not so personal, but I know I'm touched.

How Far Would You Go To Protect A Secret?

But it was too terrible for that. When I tried to understand it, I had the feeling I was failing to condemn it as it must be condemned. When I condemned it as it must be condemned, there was no room for understanding ... I wanted to pose myself both tasks — understanding and condemnation. But it was impossible to do both.

~The Reader, Bernhard Schlink.

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Disclaimer: The above quote has got absolutely nothing to do with what you're going to read afterwards, nor do the title does, okay?

So to say, things got a little off track these days which explains the relatively emo-ly posts nowadays. As much as I do want all nasty stuff to go away but it's normal that all these stuff takes time. Where thank heavens I'm still enjoying my going-to-end-soon break so that my head won't go off in this period of emotionally unstable times. Okay, screw it, whatever.

So following the crowd, everyone does their reflection of the old year and resolute for the new, and yours truly, though three days late, am gonna do so. 2009 is one heck of a year, started with a teaching job, found out that I actually liked it quite well. March marked the start of college life, which stemmed from a one handed decision to do law after so many years in the sciences. Never regretted though. July was tough as parting took place with the closest of friends, friends since childhood. August marked a page turning landmark in my life. Personal faith issues. November came another. A blink of an eye 2010 came, poof, where were you when time decided to move in pace?

2009 brought life defining moments, moments I live for to witness. First off is time spent with family. Above all I appreciate the fact that I'm still living with them and distance never have to be an issue, compared with those friends over on campus, missing home every night. Have to say I'm one heck of a blessed kid, ain't. Secondly, knew that friends come by choice. It's either being influenced, or be the influence. (Special thanks to kor) And I thank God much for opening my eyes to see who are worth standing by for, and well, those who don't which friendship I chose to abandon. Most importantly, 2009 is where I learn about living a principled life, abiding my faith based principles in anything I do. Of course, I do make mistakes but hey, we learn and make sure we don't repeat them. Downside of the year, I carried a weight of responsibility for a move which I made, where until today, I don't know whether it's right or wrong. Which brings me to my 2010 resolution:

To be truthful and respectable.

Which is very the irony because truthful people don't lie.

Okay, this is random haha.

Back to topic, I'm going to try to make my stands clear and stable so that no one can ever shake my foundations. I'm not going around trying to please everyone, because if you're true, you don't please people all the time. I've got to make choices which serves my consciences. Make sacrifices not to fulfill hunger and lust for temptations, resist all earthly and material ones. Everything that ties me back to my mission statement of the year. Be true. Be respected. Yay! God knows how much can I change for the better, but I keep my faith strong. I can do this if I want to. =)

PS: New year-kinda felt it's not the kind of craziness experience can fulfill much everything. Sometimes, it's how warm you can feel when you watch distant fireworks as you know the year is passing with people you love around you, sharing the kind of warmth you feel in their own context and in their own silence. Really.

First Post of The Year

2009

Memories cherished, lessons learnt, mistakes forgiven.

2010

I look forward to be respectable and truthful.
Can I?