I planned to settle my criminal assignment as it was supposed to due this Friday. Furthermore I really have to push myself to the max as exams (though mock) is about to start, and considering that my fellow classmates are really really good (which contrasts me lagging behind), I have to revise and catch up with studies. Furious that I am unable to keep on track with the current pace of the syllabus, I tried to make effort, but it seems, I have lots more to have in mind rather than just purely concentrating in my studies. I cannot concentrate! ARGH! Why? Why? God , please teach me how. T_T
And when mum pops her head in occasionally to check whether I am studying I have to fake the studying-and-please-go-away look and it's so fake. I even have to prop my desk so as to appear studying very hard. Gosh, pretender mode. Then, I am either staring to blank space with the radio blasting or dozing off to the sheets. Law is so interesting when cases appear to be interesting but interpreting it most of the time, bores me a lot, and analysing it makes me even more dulan especially when there is a blank info where if you were to continue, it must be there, if not, the work have to be cut short there, no point, or no way to continue. And I hate it, I really really hate it. When I am serious and I want to get things done, blocks like this, makes me want to tear papers and chuck my books into the bin. In the end, it results to nothing, leaving me more tired and frustrated than in the beginning. It feels like I was wasting time. Yeah, one factor is that I am stupid, not like others, saying to get a point across I have to digest it a for a very long time before going into my brain. Low IQ, blaming genes. =.= not funny at all.
Perhaps I am very kiasu and kiasi. Fear to lag behind and come on, it's not like I want to be the best or whatever. It's just some particular incidents which happened over time which made me very very pissed because someone acted as if he/she is so damn good, that he/she have the authority to laugh at others. I mean, come on la, we are still new to the subject, you, me, everyone else in the class. I am not giving a slightest damn if you're from whichever pre u course because in my opinion, immaterial. So, please don't act as if you know so much about the law and oh what, you can lecture? Oh please, humour and enlighten me. This is so ridiculous, I don't mean to hurt or defame anyone, but just, please look at yourself first. We start out equal. No yardstick in official to prove that you're the best. So, please don't have the idea you are the best. It's sickening. You want to action in class or whatever, your problem. But the way you laughed at fellow classmates, unacceptable. I don't like. Perhaps it's my problem not telling you this in person, but really, I don't even consider bothering to talk to you because why, you put yourself so highly mightly what the heck. Bleahh, I am so bitching, but just saying so that, I don't really feel that whatever actions you did, serve a positive purpose towards the opinion of others towards you, the positive at least. I may think you are a good student, a person? Maybe not so. I may not be the best, but I respect my fellow classmates and their opinions, okay?
Gosh, now I wished that I hadn't typed out all these. I am not referring anyone in particular, a disclaimer. Take this as a fictitious character and just take this as an advice. I love people. I want to love and forgive people. =) I still want to do things that pleases God.
I pray for wisdom, dear God.